When We Feel Controlled

 A whole lot of people in America – from teens to 80 year olds – feel controlled. Like they aren’t free to be themselves.  Are you one of them?  

Maybe it’s your mom, your spouse, your boss, your kids, your job, or just your schedule.  

You don’t feel like you have a choice in what you do.  You’re being told constantly what to do and how to do it.  It’s like you live locked into what you “have” to do.  

What inevitably happens is you lose control of yourself.  Then you lose yourself.

You don’t show up how you want to and you literally “lose it”.  Yelling, rolling your eyes, quitting out of nowhere, gossiping, crying in your car in the garage where no one can see you.  You spiral out of control with spending, alcohol, food, etc.

You feel controlled and then you lose control.  

You’re not living with the belief that you have freedom in your life. 

It’s actually how our teens think too.  

They’re trying to learn independence when they aren’t allowed to be fully independent. 

A lot of them feel controlled by their parents, their schedule, their future, and their friends. And when they feel that way, they end up losing control of themselves in some form or fashion.

They try to control something or someone else – their weight, friends, boyfriends, drugs, etc. – which is just losing control in an unhealthy way.

What I teach my clients is that no matter what their parents/teachers/friends say or do, they have complete control to think what they want to think, feel how they want to feel, and to a certain degree do what they want to do.  

Because they are 100% responsible for themselves.  

They start to see that even being told to clean their rooms is completely in their control. They can clean it out of fear, not clean it, clean it out of desire to be a loving daughter or a clean human, or none of the above.

I boil it down for them to see that even their feeling is a choice – they can choose annoyed, fear, love, calm, peace, etc. in those moments. No one tells them to feel those things.

They decide how they will show up as a daughter, a friend, a teammate, a student, etc. every day.  

That is freedom. That is being empowered.  

That is being in control. Not of other people, but of themselves.

When your teens start to feel empowered and in control, they will start being in control of themselves in a healthy way…not rolling their eyes, not yelling, not slamming the door, taking responsibility for their grades, their room, their body, etc.

It is NOT an overnight process, but it is a process.

Help your teens learn to live in the land of the free with true freedom – knowing they are NOT controlled by the people around them.  They are empowered everyday to be in control of themselves.  

Happy Fourth of July friends!

P.S. This is true for you too. You are 100% in charge of your life and you are the greatest example for them to see! Live your freedom too!

Freedom Quotes from my coach & teacher, Brooke Castillo.

“When you choose not to resist, react, or avoid any emotion, you will find freedom and strength.” 

“When you’re able to feel happy exactly where you are, that’s when you will have the freedom to decide what you’d like to do next.”

“When you accept something you cannot change, you feel long-lasting freedom.”