I remember standing in the middle of a frat party during college and thinking how lonely I felt. All those people drunk and having a good time and I just felt lonely.
Fast forward years from then when I was a single woman in my 30s and I still felt it. In fact, I spent nights crying and/or blaming my friends, bad dating choices, or myself because of my loneliness.
Fast forward even more, and as a married woman in my 40s, I can still experience loneliness.
Why? Why is it possible for us to experience this in so many different times and situations in our lives?
It’s not because I don’t have friends, a husband, co-workers, and social media at my fingertips. I have all of those things now just as I did then.
Loneliness is a feeling. And although we want to think feelings are caused by our circumstances, they actually aren’t.
Feelings – and loneliness – aren’t caused by having friends, a different family, being single, being 30, or not having kids.
Feelings are caused by our thoughts. Our thoughts are what create our emotions.
Which means loneliness is caused by our thoughts.
This is both good news and bad news, right?
The bad news is that my thoughts are causing my loneliness.
The good news is that my thoughts are also the cure.
Your thoughts are both the cause and the cure to your loneliness.
When you are thinking “I have no one to go eat dinner with,” you are probably going to feel lonely. If you think “Everyone else has something to do tonight but me,” you are probably going to feel lonely. “No one here gets me,” – lonely.
I used to think this was just true. My brain would find evidence for it as if it could win in the court of law.
But the truth is that loneliness is caused by our thoughts, not our circumstances.
In fact, loneliness used to be something I struggled with A LOT. And since understanding this concept, it hasn’t been a struggle for me almost at all.
What I hope is that you take the time to stop and consider how a lot of our teen and college age girls feel super lonely right now. It could be because they are transitioning schools, to college, or even from college to the “real world” and they are letting their mind choose thoughts about these transitions that create desperation, loneliness, etc.
Their brain wants to naturally assign the meaning that they are alone so therefore they are lonely and are going to die.
And what inevitably happens is they make decisions to go out with the wrong guys, the wrong friends, and try the wrong things just because their mind was creating this false scenario for them.
But there is a cure. It’s available to them right now. It can help them avoid a lot of wrong choices.
Help your teens learn the cure.