How To Stop The Worry Spiral

How To Stop the Worry Spiral

Have you ever found yourself down a worry spiral?

The one where it starts with just one thought and pretty soon, your mind has spent about 10 minutes of energy imagining all the other worst case scenarios?  

Me too.  

If you’re like me, though, sometimes you are in the spiral and you feel sucked in.  It’s like your comfort zone.  It feels so much better to worry about something you can’t control, right?

Wrong.  Friend – I can NOT begin to emphasize all the effects of those 10 minutes.  

It creates stress in your brain and on your body.  It is taking up 10 minutes of your life that you will never have back.  It creates negative energy that sticks around and shows up later.  It literally creates a physical response in your body like a tense head, shoulder, neck, & heart.  And when you don’t like the stress & the worry, your body decides to it wants sugar, alcohol, or social media to distract you.  

Which only creates a greater, negative net effect on you and your body.  

So what do we do?

  1. Connect with your body.

Really pay attention to it.  You can do this with yoga, mindfulness, or my 5 to 5.  Take 5 long seconds to observe your 5 senses.  Then check in with your body and how it feels.

2. Transform the worry into wisdom. 

I have a guide with 4 questions that take you from worry to wisdom.  You can get your free copy by emailing me.  (nataliewilsoncoaching@gmail.com)

3. Get your mind in shape. 

Start learning how to have mind & emotional fitness just like you need physical & spiritual fitness.

It’s so important for us to take care of ourselves and not with bubble baths and a candle – although those can be rewards and help create relaxing environments.  You have to take care of the small things.  The small 10 minute worry spirals.  Start today & let me know what you think.  

Right now, for the month of October only, I’m offering my free New Year’s Workshop: Live By Design to any new clients.  This online workshop is valued at $150 and will be scheduled early January.  Make sure to sign up this month! 

XO – Natalie

How To Tell Someone They Smell (When You’re a Nice Girl)

*This is an actual problem a client had.  No judgement! 

This is a legit problem to have, friends.  Either you are the one who smells or someone you know smells.  

Perhaps they don’t use deodorant for skin care purposes.  Perhaps they use one that isn’t strong enough to mask the bacteria.  Or perhaps they don’t care.  No matter what, they smell.  

So what’s a nice girl like you to do?  

You don’t like making people feel awkward or unliked.  You don’t want to hurt her feelings, right?  

So you either keep suffering around said smelly person, or you strap on your big girl boots and you…say something.  

How Do You Say Something?

First, you need to recognize that every person is responsible for their own emotions.  You are never in charge of someone else’s happiness, sadness, embarrassment, anger, etc.  

Second,  recognize you’re only responsible for your thoughts, emotions, and actions.  That’s all you get to control.  

Next, ask yourself what is the result you are wanting?  Obviously it is for her to not smell, but dig a little deeper. 

Is it to preserve the relationship?  Is it to protect her and let her know that her smell is being talked about?  Is it to help yourself so you can breathe around this person?

Once you know the outcome you want for yourself and for her, then decide what would you need to say (and not say) in order to get that result.  

How do you want to feel when you say it?  Loving, judgey, helpful, curious?  

Then ask yourself what thought would help me feel that way as I start the conversation?

And then practice that.  Practice thinking that thought, feeling that feeling, and saying what you would say to them.

When you say it, remember that if she is an adult, she gets to choose if she wants to listen. She gets to choose if she receives it with appreciation or anger or embarrassment. She gets to choose her feelings and her actions. Your part is done.

This might seem like a long process the first few times – or the first few 100 times – but it’s how you learn to not to take responsibility for someone else’s feelings, and still communicate with both freedom & love.

So go ahead…tell her she smells. You can do it.  

Still need help? You’ve been engrained in being a nice girl for SO.MANY.YEARS? That’s the work we do in your coaching journey. What if you could learn these processes and lose the old thinking, doubt, and worry? What if it really was about your brain and not about you as a person or anyone else? What if you could do it in 12 weeks?

This month I’m offering a 12 week program where we dig into this and make it happen. You will finally be able to communicate with confidence, say no, be able to turn people down and still maintain being a “nice” woman. If you buy in October, you’ll also get your free bonus access to my New Years Workshop: Making It Happen in 2020.

It’s Breaking The Nice Girl Rules: How To Get a Life You Want Without Becoming a Woman You Hate.

Email me – nataliewilsoncoaching@gmail.com and let’s get to work.  

How To Self-Love Without Being Self-ish

My therapist told me something 15 years ago that I will never forget.  

‘You have to love yourself before you can love your neighbor as yourself.’

Being totally honest. I was like – she’s a therapist.  She must not realize that’s super selfish.

(I wish I could say I was kidding.  I was half-kidding.  But I don’t think this anymore and blame it on my youthful ignorance.)

Seven years later.  Different therapist.

Me:  I don’t know what to do.  I feel so selfish for quitting, not going on the trip, breaking up with the guy, etc.  

After ignoring the first therapist, I spent years battling these questions.  

  • How do I love myself without being selfish?  
  • How do I love others without having to say yes to everything or while still standing up for myself?  
  • How do I love others without getting walked all over?  

I felt like I wasn’t a good Christian or loving them the way I was “called” to love if I didn’t sign up for every meal delivery, go out with every guy who asked, quit volunteering, or even not visiting my family as long as they wanted me to. 

So I lived miserably stressed, overwhelmed with emotions, & thinking I wouldn’t be loved if I didn’t do all of these things. 

It never hit me that I wasn’t loving myself. 

It was a cycle.  I didn’t love myself.  I would say yes, not out of love but out of the desire for them to love me and fill my void, and then I’d be miserable and mad.  And not love who I was.

The cycle began and ended with me.  

I didn’t love myself and then I ended up not loving myself.  It was a downward spiral that I had to pull myself up out of.

I had to start understanding what it meant to love me – first.  

What I have sense learned, and mostly through coaching, is this.

When I know how to unconditionally love and value myself, then I have the capacity to love and value others.  

Before I was just trying to love others out of obligation, rules, and the desire to be loved.  None of that is loving.

Self- love starts with awareness.  Followed by understanding, compassion, acceptance, value, empowerment and self-boundaries (saying no to the short-term gratification for the long-term success).  

Imagine if you did that for yourself every day. 

You were aware of your thoughts and feelings driving your behaviors.  You understood and showed compassion and acceptance for where you’re at.  You valued yourself no matter what.  You felt empowered to be confident and have self-boundaries in order to have success for yourself.  

Imagine a world where all of us did that.  

We’d have so much capacity to love others.  That’s truly what we’re called to do.

We’d be aware and understand them and their situations.  We’d show compassion and acceptance no matter what.  We’d value them with all of their flaws.  And then we’d be empowered to make decisions and have boundaries with them to help them have success for themselves.  

It was true when my therapist said it 15 years ago and it’s true now.  

You have to love yourself before you can love your neighbor as yourself.  

If you have wondered these same things before...

If you have felt both walked over and selfish

If you have ever battled with these same questions

I have an amazing opportunity for you!

Twelve weeks.  We tackle all of this and so much more!  We get you to a place where you know how to get what you want without being selfish.  You stop being walked over.  You stop the stress, the emotional overwhelm, the anxiety, and the confusion.  

You start 2020 knowing how to be assertive, set boundaries, say no, create self-confidence, and have unconditional love for yourself and others.  

Imagine how that would change your relationships with your family, your partner, your friends, your co-workers, and your boss! 

Imagine how you would grow as a leader in your career and personally. 

It’s my first time offering this program – Stop Getting Walked All Over: How To Get What You Want Without Being Selfish, so I have an extra bonus for you.

Buy in October and you’ll get your free bonus invite to my 2020: Making It Happen – New Year’s Workshop in January, valued at $150.

I’m so excited for you and what can be done when you start learning how to get what you want, how to love yourself, and not be selfish!

Message me to set up the free consult call and get all the details. nataliewilsoncoaching@gmail.com