*This is an actual problem a client had. No judgement!
This is a legit problem to have, friends. Either you are the one who smells or someone you know smells.
Perhaps they don’t use deodorant for skin care purposes. Perhaps they use one that isn’t strong enough to mask the bacteria. Or perhaps they don’t care. No matter what, they smell.
So what’s a nice girl like you to do?
You don’t like making people feel awkward or unliked. You don’t want to hurt her feelings, right?
So you either keep suffering around said smelly person, or you strap on your big girl boots and you…say something.
How Do You Say Something?
First, you need to recognize that every person is responsible for their own emotions. You are never in charge of someone else’s happiness, sadness, embarrassment, anger, etc.
Second, recognize you’re only responsible for your thoughts, emotions, and actions. That’s all you get to control.
Next, ask yourself what is the result you are wanting? Obviously it is for her to not smell, but dig a little deeper.
Is it to preserve the relationship? Is it to protect her and let her know that her smell is being talked about? Is it to help yourself so you can breathe around this person?
Once you know the outcome you want for yourself and for her, then decide what would you need to say (and not say) in order to get that result.
How do you want to feel when you say it? Loving, judgey, helpful, curious?
Then ask yourself what thought would help me feel that way as I start the conversation?
And then practice that. Practice thinking that thought, feeling that feeling, and saying what you would say to them.
When you say it, remember that if she is an adult, she gets to choose if she wants to listen. She gets to choose if she receives it with appreciation or anger or embarrassment. She gets to choose her feelings and her actions. Your part is done.
This might seem like a long process the first few times – or the first few 100 times – but it’s how you learn to not to take responsibility for someone else’s feelings, and still communicate with both freedom & love.
So go ahead…tell her she smells. You can do it.
Still need help? You’ve been engrained in being a nice girl for SO.MANY.YEARS? That’s the work we do in your coaching journey. What if you could learn these processes and lose the old thinking, doubt, and worry? What if it really was about your brain and not about you as a person or anyone else? What if you could do it in 12 weeks?
This month I’m offering a 12 week program where we dig into this and make it happen. You will finally be able to communicate with confidence, say no, be able to turn people down and still maintain being a “nice” woman. If you buy in October, you’ll also get your free bonus access to my New Years Workshop: Making It Happen in 2020.
It’s Breaking The Nice Girl Rules: How To Get a Life You Want Without Becoming a Woman You Hate.
Email me – firstname.lastname@example.org and let’s get to work.