What To Do About Ghosting

Alright y’all.  Ghosting is a thing.

People – friends, co-workers, guys…choose to not text you, DM you, or call you back. 

Some of us…like me…can automatically think…

  • They don’t like me anymore.
  • They don’t care. 
  • I said something wrong.

Or some version.  Am I Right?

So here are four really good tips to help you get out of that ghosting drama your mind likes to play.

  1. Decide if you want to give them a 24-48 hour, even a week, window.  If you do, then you’ll text/call them again short and sweet.  Easy breezy.  “Hey! What’s going on with you?” The shorter, the better.
  2. Decide what you want to make it mean if they don’t respond.  You could make it mean all the things I mentioned earlier – they don’t like me, I got rejected again, I said something wrong…or you can make it mean – they’re busy; they don’t like their own life; they’re not my person.  And I want to find my person.
  3. Decide what YOU want.  Do you want a friend who doesn’t remember you except when she needs something?   Do you want a guy who doesn’t text back and doesn’t want to hang out with you?  So often, we get caught up thinking about the “rejection” that we forget what we want.  Oh yeah, I don’t want that kind of guy or friend anyway.  (Doesn’t mean you hate them, just means you realize they’re not for you right now)
  4. Recognize your part & recognize them ignoring you is not emotionally healthy. Decide how you would do things differently, if you don’t like how you acted, and learn from it. That’s an emotionally healthy adult.
  5. Have gratitude.  Yep, this is like you’ve reached the summit.  To be able to see it as a blessing.  That person isn’t supposed to be in your life right now, and that’s ok.  You can be grateful that it is opening up a spot for the person that is. 

When someone doesn’t reply back, review these five tips.  It will help you get out of that mind drama.  

Spoiler Alert: Love is a Head Thing

When I was in high school, one of my best friends – Cherina – told me that love is a decision.  I forget what guy she and I were talking about and even if it was her guy or mine, but I’ve never forgotten those words.

I also remember her telling me I needed to start waxing my eyebrows. 

Guess which advice I took and applied in my life for the next 20 years?

Yep, the eyebrows. 

What I would pay to rewind and apply the other piece of advice!

Because ultimately, waxing my eyebrows I’m sure contributed to all the guys that asked me out over the course of my dating experiences,  but it was the other advice that I finally started applying in my life that turned my dating experiences to dating to marry.

When I finally found life coaching, I learned that love – the kind that lasts a lifetime – is a head thing.  

All those years,  I knew that (remember Cherina?).  But I didn’t apply it to my own dating experiences.  I didn’t actually learn it for myself.

So what does that whole “love is a head thing” actually mean? 

Relationships are simply your thoughts about another person.  

Your thoughts about them will depend on your expectations of them and how well they meet those expectations.  

Marriage is a relationship.   Dating and love is a relationship.  So therefore marriage, dating, & love are simply your thoughts about the other person.

The problem is that we have 60,000-70,000 thoughts a day. 90% of those we are not even aware of (sub-conscious).

So we’re talking about 54,000 thoughts – that you are not even aware of – that are running the love show!  

Are you picking up what I’m putting down?!!

These thoughts are part of your belief system – that started as a toddler when someone had a bad day and didn’t want to hug you – and it becomes the manual for your life.  

Most of us never stop to question how those beliefs are impacting our life – especially our love life. 

Most of us never stop to question what it’s costing us to keep those thoughts.  

I know I didn’t. Not until I found life coaching.  That’s when I started learning for myself what my thoughts were costing me.   

It was costing me love.  It was costing me years of being with my husband. It was costing me the children I wanted.  

So I did something about them.  I went to work.  With my head.

I now teach clients a 5 step process on how to date to marry – using their head. Cuz frankly, the eyebrow waxing didn’t work. (Nor the high heels or online profile pic or….)

Love is a head thing.  

The Key Belief to Enjoy Online Dating

This past weekend, I realized I was not enjoying the process.  

Not the process of dating, as I’m married, but an area of my life that I’ve been working on.

A series of unfortunate events happened between Friday night and Sunday night, and I’ll be honest.  I thought, this is for the birds.  

I’m out.  

But after I did my own coaching on this, I realized that me hating the process doesn’t make the process go away.  


It also doesn’t get me to my end goal faster.  If anything, it slows me down.

As I was thinking about my own journey through this process, it made me think of all the clients I have who hate online dating.  

They strongly believe it isn’t working.  It doesn’t work. They dread it.  

So here’s the key belief that got me to enjoy online dating AND what I remembered Monday morning when I had to recover from my weekend.

Consider dating to be a tunnel.  The dating tunnel.

Your man is at the end of it.  It’s a long, dark tunnel.  You’re actually not sure how long it will take for you to walk through it. 

But the tunnel is the way you get to the other side of the mountain.  Where you want to be. 

So every step you take, you can believe it’s not working. You can hate the tunnel.  Blame the tunnel for being long, dark and cold.  Make yourself depressed and miserable along the way. Maybe even give up.  Have a tantrum.  (“It’s not supposed to be this way/It should be easier!” – I know. I have the same thoughts) Go back.

Or you could believe it is working.  

Every step gets you closer.  It seems like it’s still the same dark, cold lonely tunnel with every step. Your brain will battle with you. It won’t seem like you’re any closer.

But. There WILL be light.  There WILL be an end.

You could be curious along the way.  Learn some new things.  Laugh.  Not focus on the darkness or the coldness. You could build belief and MAYBE…  Enjoy it.  

And then one day, you’re there.  

Choosing to believe it’s working is the difference.  

It’s your tunnel.  You get to choose.