A Strategy For Getting Off The Lonely Struggle Bus
Last week, I mentioned a strategy for making decisions – Best Case Scenario. Well, we are going to use that same theory as a strategy to help you get off the Lonely Struggle Bus.
As you know, I teach that our feelings are created by our thoughts. So in order for us to not feel lonely as much as we do, we need to get control of and change our thoughts.
One way is by asking these questions next time you are feeling lonely.
- Why do I feel lonely?
- What is the circumstance/situation that I think is making me feel lonely?
- What are all the worst things I believe about this situation?
- Now, what are all the things that are great about this situation? (Best Case Scenario)
Pick one of those thoughts from the last question and start putting that in your phone reminders, post it notes, mirror quotes, your car, etc. Start fixing your eyes on that thought.
Let’s take an example:
- Why do I feel lonely?
I don’t have anyone to eat with tonight for dinner.
2. What is the circumstance that I think is making me feel lonely?
I don’t have a boyfriend/husband.
3. What are all the worst things I believe about this situation?
There aren’t very many good guys out there. I’m old. Everyone else has a boyfriend. I’m just boring. I’m weird/fat/ugly. I’m never going to find someone.
4. What are all the things that are great about this situation?
I don’t have to go out with someone who annoys me. I am not stuck in a bad marriage. No one is abusing me. I like who I am. I get to eat what I want to eat tonight. I can go to sleep early. I have time to work at a job or learning something new. I don’t have to worry about him cheating on me like so and so. God knows best. I trust God.
Then pick the best of the best thoughts and fix your mind on that.
I know it sounds like it doesn’t work. That’s because your brain naturally doubts and assumes the worst. Just like it does with being at home by yourself for dinner. You have to teach it not to be.
So just do it. What you’ve been doing hasn’t worked, right?
Do it for two weeks, and let me know how it goes.
THEN – have your teen try it. Go through the same steps. Have her come up with both sides though. If you just give her the reasons to think positive, she’s just going to assume that you don’t understand and that you’re controlling her. Let her learn to go through the process as well. Trust me.
XO – Natalie