Finding the Right Answer As An Adult (School Gave Us The Wrong One)

I always thought I had the hardest job in the school system.  I had to get 8th graders to write 5 paragraph essays that the state of Georgia decided were good enough.  

Writing – I emphatically deemed – was the hardest subject to teach.  I was getting 8th graders who really didn’t care about anything to care enough about a subject to write 5 PARAGRAPHS in a way that impressed the “old ladies”.  (I told my students it was a bunch of retired “old ladies” who scored the essays).  

This was no small feat, my friends. This was not for the faint of heart.

But that wasn’t all.  

Math, science, and history all had had study guides.  They had specific, concrete standards.  And they had RIGHT answers.  

Their whole life they had been taught that there were right and wrong answers.  If they got enough right, they were good enough.  If they got a lot right, they were the best.  And if they got too many wrong, they weren’t good enough.  

Here I was telling them there weren’t really right answers. They were supposed to write what they think. And, honestly, many of them didn’t know how to think. But to no fault of their own.

I was basically going against what their brains had been trained to believe.  They had been taught to check the boxes.  They were not taught to think about what the boxes mean or express what they thought of the boxes.  And if they did, they were probably wrong.

Later in my teaching years, I learned about the workshop model.  The workshop model is a teaching philosophy that starts teaching Kindergartners to express their thoughts via pictures.  And then through labels on pictures.  And then through misspelled words.  And then through jumbled sentences.

The emphasis is on their ability to think, to express what they think, and then to be proud of their thinking.  

The workshop model emphasizes their voice.  

That their voice matters.  

The spelling doesn’t matter.  The correctly written compound sentence doesn’t matter. And there is no right answer.  In fact, the only right answer is for them to express what they think about a subject. For them to tell a story using their voice, not to tell a story the way the teacher wants them to.  

And I thankfully spent my last few years in schools helping teachers & students learn this concept.  

That it is not what the old ladies think.  It’s not what their teachers think. It’s about what they think.  

When they tap into their voice, they have found the right answer.  

That’s what I want you to do.  

I know it’s hard.  You’ve been taught differently the same way my 8th graders were.  Your brain believes that life is full of multiple choice answers.  

It gets stuck making decisions because it thinks there is a right answer. And that there are old ladies somewhere that are going to tell you that you’re not good enough.

But life is not a multiple choice test.  It’s the workshop model.  

And your voice is the only right answer.

If you aren’t sure how to find your voice, make strong decisions, define who you are or are stuck in life, you will want to work with me to learn how. Learn how here.

Three Things Powerful Decision-Makers Do

What was the worst decision you ever made?  I know what mine is.

It was not moving to Mexico after my first year of teaching.  I thought I’d never find love there.  I was “getting older” (27) and didn’t want to miss out.  And of course, I missed out on living overseas, becoming fluent in Spanish, and ended up marrying at 37.  

It might have cost me thousands of dollars lost in jobs I could have had returning fluent in both languages.  It probably cost me lots of other things.  

I could tell you I said no because I had a roommate.  Or because I had a job opportunity paying a lot more money in another school system.  Or because I was single.  

All of these things are “true”.  But I’m leaving out this part: I made the decision.  It was my responsibility.  I own that decision.  It was not my roommate or the job or me being single that decided.  It was me.  

Most ppl think bad decisions were bad because of something or someone else.  They’re never bad because fo something or someone else.  They’re bad because we decide they are.  

Not moving could equally have been a great decision.  Where I was moving was a dangerous part of Mexico.  I made more money, at least that year, at the school in the states.  I ended up working for that system for 10 years. 

These two things are true no matter what decision you make.  –  we both make the decision and then we decide what we want to think about it.  If I want to see it as a regret, I can.  But I advise my clients to minimize those.  Think of decisions as either ones you win from or ones you learn from.  Because spending a lot of time believing it was the worst decision for me doesn’t do me any good.  Except to tell this story. 

What does do me good is learning from it.  I learned to own my decisions.  I learned not to put my life on hold for something I think “might” happen.  I learned that being fluent is worth more than just money.  

So as you start becoming a more powerful decision maker, consider the story you want to tellTake ownership for the decisions you make in the story.  And then decide if you don’t win from the decision, you can learn from it.  


The Three Things Powerful Decision Makers Do

  1. Take ownership for their decision
  2. Decide what they want to think about the decision
  3. Learn from the decision

If you want to learn to become more powerful decision maker and live the story you believe you were created for, let’s talk about how I can help you do both.  Email me at Natalie@nataliewilsoncoaching.com.

What are you making “single” mean?

A client of mine told me she got really mad at her dad for saying to his friends that she hadn’t settled down yet.

The thing is.  She hasn’t settled down.  She is single.  (She laughed when I pointed this out to her.)

This is a fact, not an opinion, not a judgement.

But I know there’s a lot of judgement behind that word ‘single’.  

You know whose it is?  Yours.  

What do you make single mean about you?

I know I used to think I was missing out.  I didn’t belong in the married club.  I’m doing things wrong.  There must be something wrong with me if I’m still single.  I’m a loser in this game.

So much judgement.  So much dislike.  So much of me not accepting me for who I was. Single.

What do you make it mean about God?

You’ve been forgotten. He doesn’t care.  He is punishing you.  He’s not trustworthy.  He’s got it all wrong.  

So much judgement.  So much dislike.  How can these thoughts ever serve you?

Right now, you think that you will stop beating yourself up and disliking parts of you when you get married. Changing a circumstance won’t make you stop judging or disliking yourself.  Getting married won’t change those deep rooted beliefs about who you are and who God is.  Those are thoughts that you have believed over and over again.  

You don’t HAVE to believe that about yourself or God.  

It might seem like it’s just what you think, but thoughts are optional.  You get to choose them the same way you choose your clothes.  

You could choose to make it mean nothing about you or God.  Maybe it’s just what it is. You are single.  You will be married one day.  Done.  

One is tearing yourself down and one is allowing you to live without pressure, judgement, and dislike.  

Let your mind choose other drama to dwell on.  Get mad at your dad for something else.  I’m sure there are other things!

Most of all – start choosing to accept & love who you are right now – single – & think the best about yourself.  Always.

Too Scared or Too Picky?

Too Scared or Too Picky?

That’s what one of my clients asked me on our last call.

But what if it’s both?  What if she’s too picky because she’s too scared?

What if she’s not picky enough and that’s what scares her? 

Her brain stays on overdrive vacillating & trying to solve it.

The thing is…only she knows that answer.  But the way she’s trying to do it won’t work. 

She’s trying to answer the wrong question.

The better question to ask is why are you scared?  Or what would you be scared of?  What is too picky?  Who decided what was too picky?   Why do you think you are?

If there was no right answer,  what would you say?

These questions get to the heart of the problem in her mind. 

My client is also trying to answer the question from the wrong place.  Doubt.

Asking questions from doubt only leads to more doubt.  

You have to ask questions from curiosity, vulnerability,  and love.  

That’s often what I coach around. 

A lot of my clients struggle with anxiety, self-doubt, people pleasing, 2nd guessing, and being uncomfortable in relationships & life. 

Those emotions and behaviors AREN’T just “who you are”.  It’s how your brain has been trained.  

You can retrain it.  

How do I know that?  Because my clients do.  Because previous clients have done itt. Because I did it.  Because the tools I teach WORK.

So guess what?  I’m offering a new program.

Cautious to Confident in Love in 90 days

In 90 Days, you will

  • Figure out where your value, power & strength come from (not from a guy or dating)
  • Be able to make strong decisions
  • Answer the question am I too scared or too picky (& fix it!)
  • Trust your gut and act on it
  • Pick the right guys (and get rid of your bad picker)
  • Step into your strength in a relationship
  • Love your man without losing yourself
  • Own who you are & what you want
  • Commit to the love you do want
  • Love yourself more than you love people pleasing or being “nice”
  • Stop analyzing every text conversation & date
  • Get out of your head so you don’t miss an opportunity
  • Speak up and shine, not shut down 
  • Be unapologetically and authentically you
  • Say no to guys easily
  • Be comfortable with a guy pursuing you 
  • Know how to create self-confidence & confidence for any situation

What if in 90 days you could be and do all of these things? It is possible. Don’t be so cautious that you miss the opportunity to transform. 🙂

First step is to answer  a couple of questions and pick out a time for me to learn more about your story & you to learn more about coaching.  Schedule a free call here.  

What To Do About Ghosting

Alright y’all.  Ghosting is a thing.

People – friends, co-workers, guys…choose to not text you, DM you, or call you back. 

Some of us…like me…can automatically think…

  • They don’t like me anymore.
  • They don’t care. 
  • I said something wrong.

Or some version.  Am I Right?

So here are four really good tips to help you get out of that ghosting drama your mind likes to play.

  1. Decide if you want to give them a 24-48 hour, even a week, window.  If you do, then you’ll text/call them again short and sweet.  Easy breezy.  “Hey! What’s going on with you?” The shorter, the better.
  2. Decide what you want to make it mean if they don’t respond.  You could make it mean all the things I mentioned earlier – they don’t like me, I got rejected again, I said something wrong…or you can make it mean – they’re busy; they don’t like their own life; they’re not my person.  And I want to find my person.
  3. Decide what YOU want.  Do you want a friend who doesn’t remember you except when she needs something?   Do you want a guy who doesn’t text back and doesn’t want to hang out with you?  So often, we get caught up thinking about the “rejection” that we forget what we want.  Oh yeah, I don’t want that kind of guy or friend anyway.  (Doesn’t mean you hate them, just means you realize they’re not for you right now)
  4. Recognize your part & recognize them ignoring you is not emotionally healthy. Decide how you would do things differently, if you don’t like how you acted, and learn from it. That’s an emotionally healthy adult.
  5. Have gratitude.  Yep, this is like you’ve reached the summit.  To be able to see it as a blessing.  That person isn’t supposed to be in your life right now, and that’s ok.  You can be grateful that it is opening up a spot for the person that is. 

When someone doesn’t reply back, review these five tips.  It will help you get out of that mind drama.  

Spoiler Alert: Love is a Head Thing

When I was in high school, one of my best friends – Cherina – told me that love is a decision.  I forget what guy she and I were talking about and even if it was her guy or mine, but I’ve never forgotten those words.

I also remember her telling me I needed to start waxing my eyebrows. 

Guess which advice I took and applied in my life for the next 20 years?

Yep, the eyebrows. 

What I would pay to rewind and apply the other piece of advice!

Because ultimately, waxing my eyebrows I’m sure contributed to all the guys that asked me out over the course of my dating experiences,  but it was the other advice that I finally started applying in my life that turned my dating experiences to dating to marry.

When I finally found life coaching, I learned that love – the kind that lasts a lifetime – is a head thing.  

All those years,  I knew that (remember Cherina?).  But I didn’t apply it to my own dating experiences.  I didn’t actually learn it for myself.

So what does that whole “love is a head thing” actually mean? 

Relationships are simply your thoughts about another person.  

Your thoughts about them will depend on your expectations of them and how well they meet those expectations.  

Marriage is a relationship.   Dating and love is a relationship.  So therefore marriage, dating, & love are simply your thoughts about the other person.

The problem is that we have 60,000-70,000 thoughts a day. 90% of those we are not even aware of (sub-conscious).

So we’re talking about 54,000 thoughts – that you are not even aware of – that are running the love show!  

Are you picking up what I’m putting down?!!

These thoughts are part of your belief system – that started as a toddler when someone had a bad day and didn’t want to hug you – and it becomes the manual for your life.  

Most of us never stop to question how those beliefs are impacting our life – especially our love life. 

Most of us never stop to question what it’s costing us to keep those thoughts.  

I know I didn’t. Not until I found life coaching.  That’s when I started learning for myself what my thoughts were costing me.   

It was costing me love.  It was costing me years of being with my husband. It was costing me the children I wanted.  

So I did something about them.  I went to work.  With my head.

I now teach clients a 5 step process on how to date to marry – using their head. Cuz frankly, the eyebrow waxing didn’t work. (Nor the high heels or online profile pic or….)

Love is a head thing.  

The Key Belief to Enjoy Online Dating

This past weekend, I realized I was not enjoying the process.  

Not the process of dating, as I’m married, but an area of my life that I’ve been working on.

A series of unfortunate events happened between Friday night and Sunday night, and I’ll be honest.  I thought, this is for the birds.  

I’m out.  

But after I did my own coaching on this, I realized that me hating the process doesn’t make the process go away.  


It also doesn’t get me to my end goal faster.  If anything, it slows me down.

As I was thinking about my own journey through this process, it made me think of all the clients I have who hate online dating.  

They strongly believe it isn’t working.  It doesn’t work. They dread it.  

So here’s the key belief that got me to enjoy online dating AND what I remembered Monday morning when I had to recover from my weekend.

Consider dating to be a tunnel.  The dating tunnel.

Your man is at the end of it.  It’s a long, dark tunnel.  You’re actually not sure how long it will take for you to walk through it. 

But the tunnel is the way you get to the other side of the mountain.  Where you want to be. 

So every step you take, you can believe it’s not working. You can hate the tunnel.  Blame the tunnel for being long, dark and cold.  Make yourself depressed and miserable along the way. Maybe even give up.  Have a tantrum.  (“It’s not supposed to be this way/It should be easier!” – I know. I have the same thoughts) Go back.

Or you could believe it is working.  

Every step gets you closer.  It seems like it’s still the same dark, cold lonely tunnel with every step. Your brain will battle with you. It won’t seem like you’re any closer.

But. There WILL be light.  There WILL be an end.

You could be curious along the way.  Learn some new things.  Laugh.  Not focus on the darkness or the coldness. You could build belief and MAYBE…  Enjoy it.  

And then one day, you’re there.  

Choosing to believe it’s working is the difference.  

It’s your tunnel.  You get to choose. 

Waiting on God for a Husband

Are you waiting on God for a husband?

The thing is love IS romance/God/timing.

AND it’s what you do.

I kept waiting on God. I would go between blaming him for being alone, doubting if it was in the cards for me, and saying I was trusting him.

This belief kept me stuck. I didn’t take ownership for my part. There was no awareness for what I was doing and not doing. And if there was no awareness, there wasn’t a way for me to take responsibility and change.

We don’t wait on God for a job. We send resumes and network.

We don’t wait on God to lose weight. We take responsibility for our actions and we eat less sugar. I finally realized I was using God as an excuse for not taking the hard look at myself.

Taking responsibility and making changes in my love life was a lot harder than my blaming/trusting God.

But it was totally worth it.

Because when I did, I started unwinding toxic dating patterns. I started seeing how indecisive I was. I started discovering and attracting the right men for me. (And I met my husband!)

This is the work I get to share with my clients. It’s empowering and life giving and love finding. It can be yours too.

Go to the Work With Me page to get started.

Self-Confidence is Three Things

Self-confidence is 3 things.

  1. The ability to trust yourself
  2. Your opinion of yourself
  3. Knowing that you can experience any emotion

If you had asked me 10 years ago, I would have said I had confidence. Confidence in my skills as a teacher or being disciplined.

But trusting my decisions? A high opinion of myself? Experiencing ANY emotion?!!! I think no.

You are not born with it. It’s a skill I’ve developed and I practice. It’s not a one and done.

I help my clients develop & practice it. Some need more help with trusting themselves and some need more help with their opinion of themselves.

But ALL need help knowing that you can experience any emotion. Which helps you embrace discomfort to get to your dreams. 💫💍👰🏻👩‍❤️‍👨👩🏻‍⚖️👩🏻‍🔬

Your self-confidence is tied to your dreams. I can help you build one to get to the other. You can schedule a call to get started here.

In the meantime, here are three books that helped me build trust in myself, increase my opinion of myself, and helped me learn more about experiencing emotions.

  1. Finding Your Own North Star by Carol Beck
  2. Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud
  3. You are a Badass by Jen Sincero
  4. Untamed by Gabby
  5. Soul Detox by Craig Groeshel

I Am Here

I am here.  

I am here to admire the blue skies.   

I am here to breathe using my healthy lungs.

I am here to savor clean drinking water.   

I am here to experience the anxiety when I go to the store.

I am here to create fun memories cooking with my husband.

I am here to help my clients. 

I am here to wonder what will happen to my parents, my family, my future.

I am here to imagine all the creativity and innovation and love that will transpire from this.

I am here to fear.

I am here to love.

I am here.

I will not stop living ahead of time.  

I will take all of it.  Because I am here.   

Thankful you are here with me too.

Stay healthy & be love,

Natalie

P.S. I am grateful for you.  For you reading this.   For your heart.  Your fears.  Your life.  You are here.  Right now.  Don’t miss all this life has to offer.