What are you making “single” mean?

A client of mine told me she got really mad at her dad for saying to his friends that she hadn’t settled down yet.

The thing is.  She hasn’t settled down.  She is single.  (She laughed when I pointed this out to her.)

This is a fact, not an opinion, not a judgement.

But I know there’s a lot of judgement behind that word ‘single’.  

You know whose it is?  Yours.  

What do you make single mean about you?

I know I used to think I was missing out.  I didn’t belong in the married club.  I’m doing things wrong.  There must be something wrong with me if I’m still single.  I’m a loser in this game.

So much judgement.  So much dislike.  So much of me not accepting me for who I was. Single.

What do you make it mean about God?

You’ve been forgotten. He doesn’t care.  He is punishing you.  He’s not trustworthy.  He’s got it all wrong.  

So much judgement.  So much dislike.  How can these thoughts ever serve you?

Right now, you think that you will stop beating yourself up and disliking parts of you when you get married. Changing a circumstance won’t make you stop judging or disliking yourself.  Getting married won’t change those deep rooted beliefs about who you are and who God is.  Those are thoughts that you have believed over and over again.  

You don’t HAVE to believe that about yourself or God.  

It might seem like it’s just what you think, but thoughts are optional.  You get to choose them the same way you choose your clothes.  

You could choose to make it mean nothing about you or God.  Maybe it’s just what it is. You are single.  You will be married one day.  Done.  

One is tearing yourself down and one is allowing you to live without pressure, judgement, and dislike.  

Let your mind choose other drama to dwell on.  Get mad at your dad for something else.  I’m sure there are other things!

Most of all – start choosing to accept & love who you are right now – single – & think the best about yourself.  Always.

Too Scared or Too Picky?

Too Scared or Too Picky?

That’s what one of my clients asked me on our last call.

But what if it’s both?  What if she’s too picky because she’s too scared?

What if she’s not picky enough and that’s what scares her? 

Her brain stays on overdrive vacillating & trying to solve it.

The thing is…only she knows that answer.  But the way she’s trying to do it won’t work. 

She’s trying to answer the wrong question.

The better question to ask is why are you scared?  Or what would you be scared of?  What is too picky?  Who decided what was too picky?   Why do you think you are?

If there was no right answer,  what would you say?

These questions get to the heart of the problem in her mind. 

My client is also trying to answer the question from the wrong place.  Doubt.

Asking questions from doubt only leads to more doubt.  

You have to ask questions from curiosity, vulnerability,  and love.  

That’s often what I coach around. 

A lot of my clients struggle with anxiety, self-doubt, people pleasing, 2nd guessing, and being uncomfortable in relationships & life. 

Those emotions and behaviors AREN’T just “who you are”.  It’s how your brain has been trained.  

You can retrain it.  

How do I know that?  Because my clients do.  Because previous clients have done itt. Because I did it.  Because the tools I teach WORK.

So guess what?  I’m offering a new program.

Cautious to Confident in Love in 90 days

In 90 Days, you will

  • Figure out where your value, power & strength come from (not from a guy or dating)
  • Be able to make strong decisions
  • Answer the question am I too scared or too picky (& fix it!)
  • Trust your gut and act on it
  • Pick the right guys (and get rid of your bad picker)
  • Step into your strength in a relationship
  • Love your man without losing yourself
  • Own who you are & what you want
  • Commit to the love you do want
  • Love yourself more than you love people pleasing or being “nice”
  • Stop analyzing every text conversation & date
  • Get out of your head so you don’t miss an opportunity
  • Speak up and shine, not shut down 
  • Be unapologetically and authentically you
  • Say no to guys easily
  • Be comfortable with a guy pursuing you 
  • Know how to create self-confidence & confidence for any situation

What if in 90 days you could be and do all of these things? It is possible. Don’t be so cautious that you miss the opportunity to transform. 🙂

First step is to answer  a couple of questions and pick out a time for me to learn more about your story & you to learn more about coaching.  Schedule a free call here.  

What To Do About Ghosting

Alright y’all.  Ghosting is a thing.

People – friends, co-workers, guys…choose to not text you, DM you, or call you back. 

Some of us…like me…can automatically think…

  • They don’t like me anymore.
  • They don’t care. 
  • I said something wrong.

Or some version.  Am I Right?

So here are four really good tips to help you get out of that ghosting drama your mind likes to play.

  1. Decide if you want to give them a 24-48 hour, even a week, window.  If you do, then you’ll text/call them again short and sweet.  Easy breezy.  “Hey! What’s going on with you?” The shorter, the better.
  2. Decide what you want to make it mean if they don’t respond.  You could make it mean all the things I mentioned earlier – they don’t like me, I got rejected again, I said something wrong…or you can make it mean – they’re busy; they don’t like their own life; they’re not my person.  And I want to find my person.
  3. Decide what YOU want.  Do you want a friend who doesn’t remember you except when she needs something?   Do you want a guy who doesn’t text back and doesn’t want to hang out with you?  So often, we get caught up thinking about the “rejection” that we forget what we want.  Oh yeah, I don’t want that kind of guy or friend anyway.  (Doesn’t mean you hate them, just means you realize they’re not for you right now)
  4. Recognize your part & recognize them ignoring you is not emotionally healthy. Decide how you would do things differently, if you don’t like how you acted, and learn from it. That’s an emotionally healthy adult.
  5. Have gratitude.  Yep, this is like you’ve reached the summit.  To be able to see it as a blessing.  That person isn’t supposed to be in your life right now, and that’s ok.  You can be grateful that it is opening up a spot for the person that is. 

When someone doesn’t reply back, review these five tips.  It will help you get out of that mind drama.  

Spoiler Alert: Love is a Head Thing

When I was in high school, one of my best friends – Cherina – told me that love is a decision.  I forget what guy she and I were talking about and even if it was her guy or mine, but I’ve never forgotten those words.

I also remember her telling me I needed to start waxing my eyebrows. 

Guess which advice I took and applied in my life for the next 20 years?

Yep, the eyebrows. 

What I would pay to rewind and apply the other piece of advice!

Because ultimately, waxing my eyebrows I’m sure contributed to all the guys that asked me out over the course of my dating experiences,  but it was the other advice that I finally started applying in my life that turned my dating experiences to dating to marry.

When I finally found life coaching, I learned that love – the kind that lasts a lifetime – is a head thing.  

All those years,  I knew that (remember Cherina?).  But I didn’t apply it to my own dating experiences.  I didn’t actually learn it for myself.

So what does that whole “love is a head thing” actually mean? 

Relationships are simply your thoughts about another person.  

Your thoughts about them will depend on your expectations of them and how well they meet those expectations.  

Marriage is a relationship.   Dating and love is a relationship.  So therefore marriage, dating, & love are simply your thoughts about the other person.

The problem is that we have 60,000-70,000 thoughts a day. 90% of those we are not even aware of (sub-conscious).

So we’re talking about 54,000 thoughts – that you are not even aware of – that are running the love show!  

Are you picking up what I’m putting down?!!

These thoughts are part of your belief system – that started as a toddler when someone had a bad day and didn’t want to hug you – and it becomes the manual for your life.  

Most of us never stop to question how those beliefs are impacting our life – especially our love life. 

Most of us never stop to question what it’s costing us to keep those thoughts.  

I know I didn’t. Not until I found life coaching.  That’s when I started learning for myself what my thoughts were costing me.   

It was costing me love.  It was costing me years of being with my husband. It was costing me the children I wanted.  

So I did something about them.  I went to work.  With my head.

I now teach clients a 5 step process on how to date to marry – using their head. Cuz frankly, the eyebrow waxing didn’t work. (Nor the high heels or online profile pic or….)

Love is a head thing.  

The Key Belief to Enjoy Online Dating

This past weekend, I realized I was not enjoying the process.  

Not the process of dating, as I’m married, but an area of my life that I’ve been working on.

A series of unfortunate events happened between Friday night and Sunday night, and I’ll be honest.  I thought, this is for the birds.  

I’m out.  

But after I did my own coaching on this, I realized that me hating the process doesn’t make the process go away.  


It also doesn’t get me to my end goal faster.  If anything, it slows me down.

As I was thinking about my own journey through this process, it made me think of all the clients I have who hate online dating.  

They strongly believe it isn’t working.  It doesn’t work. They dread it.  

So here’s the key belief that got me to enjoy online dating AND what I remembered Monday morning when I had to recover from my weekend.

Consider dating to be a tunnel.  The dating tunnel.

Your man is at the end of it.  It’s a long, dark tunnel.  You’re actually not sure how long it will take for you to walk through it. 

But the tunnel is the way you get to the other side of the mountain.  Where you want to be. 

So every step you take, you can believe it’s not working. You can hate the tunnel.  Blame the tunnel for being long, dark and cold.  Make yourself depressed and miserable along the way. Maybe even give up.  Have a tantrum.  (“It’s not supposed to be this way/It should be easier!” – I know. I have the same thoughts) Go back.

Or you could believe it is working.  

Every step gets you closer.  It seems like it’s still the same dark, cold lonely tunnel with every step. Your brain will battle with you. It won’t seem like you’re any closer.

But. There WILL be light.  There WILL be an end.

You could be curious along the way.  Learn some new things.  Laugh.  Not focus on the darkness or the coldness. You could build belief and MAYBE…  Enjoy it.  

And then one day, you’re there.  

Choosing to believe it’s working is the difference.  

It’s your tunnel.  You get to choose. 

Waiting on God for a Husband

Are you waiting on God for a husband?

The thing is love IS romance/God/timing.

AND it’s what you do.

I kept waiting on God. I would go between blaming him for being alone, doubting if it was in the cards for me, and saying I was trusting him.

This belief kept me stuck. I didn’t take ownership for my part. There was no awareness for what I was doing and not doing. And if there was no awareness, there wasn’t a way for me to take responsibility and change.

We don’t wait on God for a job. We send resumes and network.

We don’t wait on God to lose weight. We take responsibility for our actions and we eat less sugar. I finally realized I was using God as an excuse for not taking the hard look at myself.

Taking responsibility and making changes in my love life was a lot harder than my blaming/trusting God.

But it was totally worth it.

Because when I did, I started unwinding toxic dating patterns. I started seeing how indecisive I was. I started discovering and attracting the right men for me. (And I met my husband!)

This is the work I get to share with my clients. It’s empowering and life giving and love finding. It can be yours too.

Go to the Work With Me page to get started.

Self-Confidence is Three Things

Self-confidence is 3 things.

  1. The ability to trust yourself
  2. Your opinion of yourself
  3. Knowing that you can experience any emotion

If you had asked me 10 years ago, I would have said I had confidence. Confidence in my skills as a teacher or being disciplined.

But trusting my decisions? A high opinion of myself? Experiencing ANY emotion?!!! I think no.

You are not born with it. It’s a skill I’ve developed and I practice. It’s not a one and done.

I help my clients develop & practice it. Some need more help with trusting themselves and some need more help with their opinion of themselves.

But ALL need help knowing that you can experience any emotion. Which helps you embrace discomfort to get to your dreams. 💫💍👰🏻👩‍❤️‍👨👩🏻‍⚖️👩🏻‍🔬

Your self-confidence is tied to your dreams. I can help you build one to get to the other. You can schedule a call to get started here.

In the meantime, here are three books that helped me build trust in myself, increase my opinion of myself, and helped me learn more about experiencing emotions.

  1. Finding Your Own North Star by Carol Beck
  2. Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud
  3. You are a Badass by Jen Sincero
  4. Untamed by Gabby
  5. Soul Detox by Craig Groeshel

I Am Here

I am here.  

I am here to admire the blue skies.   

I am here to breathe using my healthy lungs.

I am here to savor clean drinking water.   

I am here to experience the anxiety when I go to the store.

I am here to create fun memories cooking with my husband.

I am here to help my clients. 

I am here to wonder what will happen to my parents, my family, my future.

I am here to imagine all the creativity and innovation and love that will transpire from this.

I am here to fear.

I am here to love.

I am here.

I will not stop living ahead of time.  

I will take all of it.  Because I am here.   

Thankful you are here with me too.

Stay healthy & be love,

Natalie

P.S. I am grateful for you.  For you reading this.   For your heart.  Your fears.  Your life.  You are here.  Right now.  Don’t miss all this life has to offer.  

Loving Your Life In The Meantime

We’ve all had times in our life when it seems as if nothing is going right, God is absent, and you’re waiting for something to change.

If there’s anything I’ve learned through recessions, heartbreaks, loneliness, and career turmoil, I’ve learned that I always have the choice to love my life in the meantime. Right now. As it is. With all of it’s messiness.

In fact, I’d go so far to say that as I learned to love my life as it is, I started figuring out the life I wanted to have. And things started happening that got me the life I wanted. Things started to change.

So I have four things you can do to love your life in the meantime. I’m not going to say while you wait because to me, that means you sit around waiting for someone to give you what you want. Like you’re waiting for it to happen to you. Your life doesn’t happen to you. But that’s for another post…

Be Grateful

Being grateful is the most important and powerful way to start loving your life. Write a list every day. Think it & feel it. Be grateful for what you DO have. And be grateful for what is to come. For the future life you are making. For the prayers to be answered. There’s absolutely no harm in being grateful ahead of time. It’s practicing belief.

Own Your Life

Owning your life is super empowering. You also start to see how it can change. When you take 100% ownership and responsibility for where you’re at, you begin to see how you’re responsible for creating it. I’m not talking about being let go from a job or being broken up with. But you can own your response to these things. Are you choosing to dwell in the past? Are you choosing to think negatively about your old work or your future options? Did you choose guys that you know aren’t long-term material? Did you choose a guy who walked all over you? As you own your life and your choices, you can begin to accept it and love it for what it is. (Doesn’t mean you don’t change it though!)

Make a List

Make a list of all the things you can control. Then make a list of all the things you can’t. Why? Because some of us need to be reminded we can’t control the Coronavirus. But we can control how often we wash our hands, our mindset, our feelings. Most of us have more control than we think. I know I stayed in a job for years thinking it was out of my control. I used God as a scapegoat. Once I realized I had a major part in my life, I had the courage to switch careers. Knowing what you can and cannot control is super empowering and something else to be grateful for!

Write a story

Write a story of your life where you are the leading lady, the hero. That means you have to force your brain to see all good things and how could be the hero of it. Then write (or add chapters) the story of you being the leading lady of right now and her future. How does she show up in today’s current circumstances? What does she think about herself? What does she decide to change in her life? What does she keep? Really write a story where you show up right now as the leading lady. Because you are.

Loving your life does not always mean you love everything about it. It doesn’t even mean that you love all the things in it – your travel, parties, job.

It’s about loving what is. Unconditional love. And from that, being empowered to make the changes you do want.

Where Your Mind Goes, Your Life Follows

It was 3 a.m. and my mind wouldn’t stop racing.  It was thinking about the friend who no longer is a friend, although she keeps me around on FB.  Basically ghosted me.  My parents who are getting older.  The coronovirus.  

I was anxious and I couldn’t stop worrying.  This lasted about 10 minutes when this thought popped in my head:

‘Where my mind goes, my feelings follow.’

Since my mind was going to all the problems and what-ifs in the world, then fear was following!  

What I tell my clients, especially younger ones, feelings are signals.  Letting you know something is happening either in your body – like food poison – or in your mind – like thoughts.  

They’re also like my dog.   Willie.  Where I go, he goes.  If I walk down the stairs,  his little tail is swinging behind me.  If I open the kitchen pantry, Willie appears.  

It’s what feelings do also.  They follow your thoughts. They appear wherever you send your mind.

More than that, though, where your mind goes, your LIFE follows.  

Your life – your money, your weight, your career, your relationships – are a result of all those 60,000 thoughts you have flying around on a daily basis. Most of us have no clue how they are running the show. We just keep going.

So here’s a chance to slow down. Where is your mind going?  Where does it go most of the day? Because that’s a great indicator of where your life will go too.  

Don’t like the track it’s on? No? Want to create a different life? A different result. Yes? Then you have the opportunity everyday too. It’s what I help my clients do every day.

As I realized that I wasn’t really anxious, I just was letting my mind focus on anxious thoughts, I let them go.  I focused on the power of knowing where my mind goes, my life follows.  

And I went to sleep.  With Willie close by.