Too Scared or Too Picky?

Too Scared or Too Picky?

That’s what one of my clients asked me on our last call.

But what if it’s both?  What if she’s too picky because she’s too scared?

What if she’s not picky enough and that’s what scares her? 

Her brain stays on overdrive vacillating & trying to solve it.

The thing is…only she knows that answer.  But the way she’s trying to do it won’t work. 

She’s trying to answer the wrong question.

The better question to ask is why are you scared?  Or what would you be scared of?  What is too picky?  Who decided what was too picky?   Why do you think you are?

If there was no right answer,  what would you say?

These questions get to the heart of the problem in her mind. 

My client is also trying to answer the question from the wrong place.  Doubt.

Asking questions from doubt only leads to more doubt.  

You have to ask questions from curiosity, vulnerability,  and love.  

That’s often what I coach around. 

A lot of my clients struggle with anxiety, self-doubt, people pleasing, 2nd guessing, and being uncomfortable in relationships & life. 

Those emotions and behaviors AREN’T just “who you are”.  It’s how your brain has been trained.  

You can retrain it.  

How do I know that?  Because my clients do.  Because previous clients have done itt. Because I did it.  Because the tools I teach WORK.

So guess what?  I’m offering a new program.

Cautious to Confident in Love in 90 days

In 90 Days, you will

  • Figure out where your value, power & strength come from (not from a guy or dating)
  • Be able to make strong decisions
  • Answer the question am I too scared or too picky (& fix it!)
  • Trust your gut and act on it
  • Pick the right guys (and get rid of your bad picker)
  • Step into your strength in a relationship
  • Love your man without losing yourself
  • Own who you are & what you want
  • Commit to the love you do want
  • Love yourself more than you love people pleasing or being “nice”
  • Stop analyzing every text conversation & date
  • Get out of your head so you don’t miss an opportunity
  • Speak up and shine, not shut down 
  • Be unapologetically and authentically you
  • Say no to guys easily
  • Be comfortable with a guy pursuing you 
  • Know how to create self-confidence & confidence for any situation

What if in 90 days you could be and do all of these things? It is possible. Don’t be so cautious that you miss the opportunity to transform. 🙂

First step is to answer  a couple of questions and pick out a time for me to learn more about your story & you to learn more about coaching.  Schedule a free call here.  

What To Do About Ghosting

Alright y’all.  Ghosting is a thing.

People – friends, co-workers, guys…choose to not text you, DM you, or call you back. 

Some of us…like me…can automatically think…

  • They don’t like me anymore.
  • They don’t care. 
  • I said something wrong.

Or some version.  Am I Right?

So here are four really good tips to help you get out of that ghosting drama your mind likes to play.

  1. Decide if you want to give them a 24-48 hour, even a week, window.  If you do, then you’ll text/call them again short and sweet.  Easy breezy.  “Hey! What’s going on with you?” The shorter, the better.
  2. Decide what you want to make it mean if they don’t respond.  You could make it mean all the things I mentioned earlier – they don’t like me, I got rejected again, I said something wrong…or you can make it mean – they’re busy; they don’t like their own life; they’re not my person.  And I want to find my person.
  3. Decide what YOU want.  Do you want a friend who doesn’t remember you except when she needs something?   Do you want a guy who doesn’t text back and doesn’t want to hang out with you?  So often, we get caught up thinking about the “rejection” that we forget what we want.  Oh yeah, I don’t want that kind of guy or friend anyway.  (Doesn’t mean you hate them, just means you realize they’re not for you right now)
  4. Recognize your part & recognize them ignoring you is not emotionally healthy. Decide how you would do things differently, if you don’t like how you acted, and learn from it. That’s an emotionally healthy adult.
  5. Have gratitude.  Yep, this is like you’ve reached the summit.  To be able to see it as a blessing.  That person isn’t supposed to be in your life right now, and that’s ok.  You can be grateful that it is opening up a spot for the person that is. 

When someone doesn’t reply back, review these five tips.  It will help you get out of that mind drama.  

Self-Confidence is Three Things

Self-confidence is 3 things.

  1. The ability to trust yourself
  2. Your opinion of yourself
  3. Knowing that you can experience any emotion

If you had asked me 10 years ago, I would have said I had confidence. Confidence in my skills as a teacher or being disciplined.

But trusting my decisions? A high opinion of myself? Experiencing ANY emotion?!!! I think no.

You are not born with it. It’s a skill I’ve developed and I practice. It’s not a one and done.

I help my clients develop & practice it. Some need more help with trusting themselves and some need more help with their opinion of themselves.

But ALL need help knowing that you can experience any emotion. Which helps you embrace discomfort to get to your dreams. 💫💍👰🏻👩‍❤️‍👨👩🏻‍⚖️👩🏻‍🔬

Your self-confidence is tied to your dreams. I can help you build one to get to the other. You can schedule a call to get started here.

In the meantime, here are three books that helped me build trust in myself, increase my opinion of myself, and helped me learn more about experiencing emotions.

  1. Finding Your Own North Star by Carol Beck
  2. Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud
  3. You are a Badass by Jen Sincero
  4. Untamed by Gabby
  5. Soul Detox by Craig Groeshel

I Am Here

I am here.  

I am here to admire the blue skies.   

I am here to breathe using my healthy lungs.

I am here to savor clean drinking water.   

I am here to experience the anxiety when I go to the store.

I am here to create fun memories cooking with my husband.

I am here to help my clients. 

I am here to wonder what will happen to my parents, my family, my future.

I am here to imagine all the creativity and innovation and love that will transpire from this.

I am here to fear.

I am here to love.

I am here.

I will not stop living ahead of time.  

I will take all of it.  Because I am here.   

Thankful you are here with me too.

Stay healthy & be love,

Natalie

P.S. I am grateful for you.  For you reading this.   For your heart.  Your fears.  Your life.  You are here.  Right now.  Don’t miss all this life has to offer.  

Where Your Mind Goes, Your Life Follows

It was 3 a.m. and my mind wouldn’t stop racing.  It was thinking about the friend who no longer is a friend, although she keeps me around on FB.  Basically ghosted me.  My parents who are getting older.  The coronovirus.  

I was anxious and I couldn’t stop worrying.  This lasted about 10 minutes when this thought popped in my head:

‘Where my mind goes, my feelings follow.’

Since my mind was going to all the problems and what-ifs in the world, then fear was following!  

What I tell my clients, especially younger ones, feelings are signals.  Letting you know something is happening either in your body – like food poison – or in your mind – like thoughts.  

They’re also like my dog.   Willie.  Where I go, he goes.  If I walk down the stairs,  his little tail is swinging behind me.  If I open the kitchen pantry, Willie appears.  

It’s what feelings do also.  They follow your thoughts. They appear wherever you send your mind.

More than that, though, where your mind goes, your LIFE follows.  

Your life – your money, your weight, your career, your relationships – are a result of all those 60,000 thoughts you have flying around on a daily basis. Most of us have no clue how they are running the show. We just keep going.

So here’s a chance to slow down. Where is your mind going?  Where does it go most of the day? Because that’s a great indicator of where your life will go too.  

Don’t like the track it’s on? No? Want to create a different life? A different result. Yes? Then you have the opportunity everyday too. It’s what I help my clients do every day.

As I realized that I wasn’t really anxious, I just was letting my mind focus on anxious thoughts, I let them go.  I focused on the power of knowing where my mind goes, my life follows.  

And I went to sleep.  With Willie close by.

This Wasn’t How I Thought It Would Be

I stepped into the mammogram room.  Dark, cold, and empty.   Hallow.  Kind of how I felt inside.  

It was sadness mixed with disappointment mixed with confusion.  

This wasn’t how I thought this part of my life would go.  42.  No kids.  Getting a mammogram, not an ultrasound.  It’s not that I didn’t think I’d ever have a mammogram.  I just thought I’d be a mom when I did. 

The tears sprang up.  I willed them to stay in as I listened to the nurse.

…The thing is…life is 50 – 50.  For everyone.   50% positive and 50% negative.

And what most of us do, and what I used to do, is spend the the 50% negative making it worse. We resist it, dwell in it, talk about it, worry about it, ignore it and all the while, we steal more time from the positive things in our life.

When the 50% negative comes, we act like it shouldn’t be there. 

For me, I used to swing from letting my emotions run me to shoving them in a closet somewhere, pulling up my bootstraps, and just moving on. 

Neither are healthy and neither help me become who I want to be.

So when I stumbled across LCS, I learned about this concept of 50/50.  I learned about accepting my feelings.  And I learned how to not let them control me.   

I learned how to feel them so I didn’t let it ruin my day.  I didn’t stifle them with a drink, or food, or retail therapy.  I learned that the hallow feeling is just that. A hallow feeling.

So after the doctor appointment, as I got in my car and shut the door, I just let the tears fall and I let myself feel sad and disappointed and confused.  

I thought about how I was feeling.  I thought about why I was feeling that way.  And just like that, after a few minutes, it went away.  

I let it go in a healthy way.  

A lot of women I know ignore, avoid, or resist their feelings.   They shove their feelings on a shelf so they can deal with the moment in front of them, but they never go back or learn how to manage the thoughts causing the feeling. They cling to tears, wine, food, “prayer” or their to-do list.  They feel guilt or anxiety or disappointment and turn to Facebook or cleaning the kitchen.     

That’s not what I’m talking about.   I’m talking about really feeling it, accepting it, letting it go, and then picking new thoughts and feelings.   

That’s where the power is. 

I am offering all amazing women who want to learn this same power, a free mini-coaching session.  Take 90 seconds and schedule it by clicking HERE.

You’ll learn about how to start having control over your emotions even when life isn’t how you thought it’d be.  DM me for details. 

P.S. My life is also 50% positive and THAT 50% is also not how I thought it would be. Ten years ago I didn’t imagine starting my own business, working from home, having flexible hours, being a dream dog mom, traveling with my husband, and coaching amazing women across the country. Even the thought “it’s not how I thought it’d be” goes both ways!

How To Stop The Worry Spiral

How To Stop the Worry Spiral

Have you ever found yourself down a worry spiral?

The one where it starts with just one thought and pretty soon, your mind has spent about 10 minutes of energy imagining all the other worst case scenarios?  

Me too.  

If you’re like me, though, sometimes you are in the spiral and you feel sucked in.  It’s like your comfort zone.  It feels so much better to worry about something you can’t control, right?

Wrong.  Friend – I can NOT begin to emphasize all the effects of those 10 minutes.  

It creates stress in your brain and on your body.  It is taking up 10 minutes of your life that you will never have back.  It creates negative energy that sticks around and shows up later.  It literally creates a physical response in your body like a tense head, shoulder, neck, & heart.  And when you don’t like the stress & the worry, your body decides to it wants sugar, alcohol, or social media to distract you.  

Which only creates a greater, negative net effect on you and your body.  

So what do we do?

  1. Connect with your body.

Really pay attention to it.  You can do this with yoga, mindfulness, or my 5 to 5.  Take 5 long seconds to observe your 5 senses.  Then check in with your body and how it feels.

2. Transform the worry into wisdom. 

I have a guide with 4 questions that take you from worry to wisdom.  You can get your free copy by emailing me.  (nataliewilsoncoaching@gmail.com)

3. Get your mind in shape. 

Start learning how to have mind & emotional fitness just like you need physical & spiritual fitness.

It’s so important for us to take care of ourselves and not with bubble baths and a candle – although those can be rewards and help create relaxing environments.  You have to take care of the small things.  The small 10 minute worry spirals.  Start today & let me know what you think.  

Right now, for the month of October only, I’m offering my free New Year’s Workshop: Live By Design to any new clients.  This online workshop is valued at $150 and will be scheduled early January.  Make sure to sign up this month! 

XO – Natalie

How To Tell Someone They Smell (When You’re a Nice Girl)

*This is an actual problem a client had.  No judgement! 

This is a legit problem to have, friends.  Either you are the one who smells or someone you know smells.  

Perhaps they don’t use deodorant for skin care purposes.  Perhaps they use one that isn’t strong enough to mask the bacteria.  Or perhaps they don’t care.  No matter what, they smell.  

So what’s a nice girl like you to do?  

You don’t like making people feel awkward or unliked.  You don’t want to hurt her feelings, right?  

So you either keep suffering around said smelly person, or you strap on your big girl boots and you…say something.  

How Do You Say Something?

First, you need to recognize that every person is responsible for their own emotions.  You are never in charge of someone else’s happiness, sadness, embarrassment, anger, etc.  

Second,  recognize you’re only responsible for your thoughts, emotions, and actions.  That’s all you get to control.  

Next, ask yourself what is the result you are wanting?  Obviously it is for her to not smell, but dig a little deeper. 

Is it to preserve the relationship?  Is it to protect her and let her know that her smell is being talked about?  Is it to help yourself so you can breathe around this person?

Once you know the outcome you want for yourself and for her, then decide what would you need to say (and not say) in order to get that result.  

How do you want to feel when you say it?  Loving, judgey, helpful, curious?  

Then ask yourself what thought would help me feel that way as I start the conversation?

And then practice that.  Practice thinking that thought, feeling that feeling, and saying what you would say to them.

When you say it, remember that if she is an adult, she gets to choose if she wants to listen. She gets to choose if she receives it with appreciation or anger or embarrassment. She gets to choose her feelings and her actions. Your part is done.

This might seem like a long process the first few times – or the first few 100 times – but it’s how you learn to not to take responsibility for someone else’s feelings, and still communicate with both freedom & love.

So go ahead…tell her she smells. You can do it.  

Still need help? You’ve been engrained in being a nice girl for SO.MANY.YEARS? That’s the work we do in your coaching journey. What if you could learn these processes and lose the old thinking, doubt, and worry? What if it really was about your brain and not about you as a person or anyone else? What if you could do it in 12 weeks?

This month I’m offering a 12 week program where we dig into this and make it happen. You will finally be able to communicate with confidence, say no, be able to turn people down and still maintain being a “nice” woman. If you buy in October, you’ll also get your free bonus access to my New Years Workshop: Making It Happen in 2020.

It’s Breaking The Nice Girl Rules: How To Get a Life You Want Without Becoming a Woman You Hate.

Email me – nataliewilsoncoaching@gmail.com and let’s get to work.  

It’s The Hard That Makes Things Good

What’s hard for you, friend?  

I don’t want to sound insensitive, but a lot of what we think is hard is just our minds annoyed by our daily life.  Our minds default to our jobs, being a mom, dating.  

But is it really hard or do we just automatically feel that way because we don’t want to do it? 

Our minds like to automatically complain, find the negative, and be safe even when it’s actually not that hard.  Our minds can even take things that are BORING and convince us that they’re HARD.  

What is it that pushes you outside your comfort zone hard?  Pushes you to become a better version of yourself?  

The “this feels scary as sh&*” and “I don’t know if I can do this” hard.  

It could be for some of us that it is a loved one getting an illness.  It could be getting married, dating, having a kid, or birthing a business.  

Or it could just be as simple as allowing yourself to dream.  Or committing to 3 times a week of real exercise.  

Tom Hanks says “It’s the hard that makes things good” in A League Of Their Own and it rings true in real life, not just on the field.  

I want to encourage you with that today.

Whatever you think is hard, find how it’s good.  Find how it’s pushing you to be the next best version of yourself.  

And when you know it’s hard and it’s pushing you to grow, tell yourself what I tell myself. “I can do hard things.”

Because then it’s not just “hard”.  Then it becomes “good”.  

A Quick Way To Win In Life

In my sessions with clients, often they are filled with all the things they are getting wrong in life.  Can you relate?

I know I do!  I come to my coach with all the things that I think I need “fixing”.  I have a list.

But I want to stop us all this week and I want us to do something every single day.  

I mean it.  Every day.  

Right before you go to sleep, perhaps when you’re brushing your teeth or getting that glass of water, I want you to think about all the things you did “Right” that day.  

Then write it down.  Our brains LOVE it when we write things down.  It helps us see our thinking.  

So right it down.  (See what I did there?)

I got to work on time.  I called my mom.  I ate a salad at lunch.  I did what I said I was going to do and I went for a run.  

Sometimes it might just be that you moved the clothes from the washer to the dryer on the same day.  #winning 

But get that stuff down.  Tell yourself you are doing a good job.  

It’s so easy for us focus on what we’re doing wrong, instead of what we’re doing right. 

So give yourself a high-five.  And give yourself more love this week.  You’ll be surprised how it helps you grow just as much. 

When you love yourself unconditionally, it spills over into unconditionally loving others.  

This is self-love, ya’ll.  And others love.  And unconditional love.  

It’s the “right” kind of love. 

Remember.  You’re doing a good job.  I promise.  

Much love,
Natalie

P.S. If you have ever felt like a doormat, a wallflower, “too nice”, taken advantage of, shy, or felt like you apologize too much, will you take this quick survey for me?  Click Here It’s two questions and should take 2 minutes.  Thanks!!

P.P.S.  This week, my clients and I are spending time looking at how we are creating the results we want in our life.  They will walk away with actionable steps that help them build more wins.  If you keep reading these and wondering if you could do this, the answer is yes!  You can!  I wondered too.  And I’m so glad I took a chance on myself. Email me now at nataliewilsoncoaching@gmail.com and let’s set up a time to chat about the things you want to create in your life.