How To Stop The Worry Spiral

How To Stop the Worry Spiral

Have you ever found yourself down a worry spiral?

The one where it starts with just one thought and pretty soon, your mind has spent about 10 minutes of energy imagining all the other worst case scenarios?  

Me too.  

If you’re like me, though, sometimes you are in the spiral and you feel sucked in.  It’s like your comfort zone.  It feels so much better to worry about something you can’t control, right?

Wrong.  Friend – I can NOT begin to emphasize all the effects of those 10 minutes.  

It creates stress in your brain and on your body.  It is taking up 10 minutes of your life that you will never have back.  It creates negative energy that sticks around and shows up later.  It literally creates a physical response in your body like a tense head, shoulder, neck, & heart.  And when you don’t like the stress & the worry, your body decides to it wants sugar, alcohol, or social media to distract you.  

Which only creates a greater, negative net effect on you and your body.  

So what do we do?

  1. Connect with your body.

Really pay attention to it.  You can do this with yoga, mindfulness, or my 5 to 5.  Take 5 long seconds to observe your 5 senses.  Then check in with your body and how it feels.

2. Transform the worry into wisdom. 

I have a guide with 4 questions that take you from worry to wisdom.  You can get your free copy by emailing me.  (nataliewilsoncoaching@gmail.com)

3. Get your mind in shape. 

Start learning how to have mind & emotional fitness just like you need physical & spiritual fitness.

It’s so important for us to take care of ourselves and not with bubble baths and a candle – although those can be rewards and help create relaxing environments.  You have to take care of the small things.  The small 10 minute worry spirals.  Start today & let me know what you think.  

Right now, for the month of October only, I’m offering my free New Year’s Workshop: Live By Design to any new clients.  This online workshop is valued at $150 and will be scheduled early January.  Make sure to sign up this month! 

XO – Natalie

How To Tell Someone They Smell (When You’re a Nice Girl)

*This is an actual problem a client had.  No judgement! 

This is a legit problem to have, friends.  Either you are the one who smells or someone you know smells.  

Perhaps they don’t use deodorant for skin care purposes.  Perhaps they use one that isn’t strong enough to mask the bacteria.  Or perhaps they don’t care.  No matter what, they smell.  

So what’s a nice girl like you to do?  

You don’t like making people feel awkward or unliked.  You don’t want to hurt her feelings, right?  

So you either keep suffering around said smelly person, or you strap on your big girl boots and you…say something.  

How Do You Say Something?

First, you need to recognize that every person is responsible for their own emotions.  You are never in charge of someone else’s happiness, sadness, embarrassment, anger, etc.  

Second,  recognize you’re only responsible for your thoughts, emotions, and actions.  That’s all you get to control.  

Next, ask yourself what is the result you are wanting?  Obviously it is for her to not smell, but dig a little deeper. 

Is it to preserve the relationship?  Is it to protect her and let her know that her smell is being talked about?  Is it to help yourself so you can breathe around this person?

Once you know the outcome you want for yourself and for her, then decide what would you need to say (and not say) in order to get that result.  

How do you want to feel when you say it?  Loving, judgey, helpful, curious?  

Then ask yourself what thought would help me feel that way as I start the conversation?

And then practice that.  Practice thinking that thought, feeling that feeling, and saying what you would say to them.

When you say it, remember that if she is an adult, she gets to choose if she wants to listen. She gets to choose if she receives it with appreciation or anger or embarrassment. She gets to choose her feelings and her actions. Your part is done.

This might seem like a long process the first few times – or the first few 100 times – but it’s how you learn to not to take responsibility for someone else’s feelings, and still communicate with both freedom & love.

So go ahead…tell her she smells. You can do it.  

Still need help? You’ve been engrained in being a nice girl for SO.MANY.YEARS? That’s the work we do in your coaching journey. What if you could learn these processes and lose the old thinking, doubt, and worry? What if it really was about your brain and not about you as a person or anyone else? What if you could do it in 12 weeks?

This month I’m offering a 12 week program where we dig into this and make it happen. You will finally be able to communicate with confidence, say no, be able to turn people down and still maintain being a “nice” woman. If you buy in October, you’ll also get your free bonus access to my New Years Workshop: Making It Happen in 2020.

It’s Breaking The Nice Girl Rules: How To Get a Life You Want Without Becoming a Woman You Hate.

Email me – nataliewilsoncoaching@gmail.com and let’s get to work.  

How To Self-Love Without Being Self-ish

My therapist told me something 15 years ago that I will never forget.  

‘You have to love yourself before you can love your neighbor as yourself.’

Being totally honest. I was like – she’s a therapist.  She must not realize that’s super selfish.

(I wish I could say I was kidding.  I was half-kidding.  But I don’t think this anymore and blame it on my youthful ignorance.)

Seven years later.  Different therapist.

Me:  I don’t know what to do.  I feel so selfish for quitting, not going on the trip, breaking up with the guy, etc.  

After ignoring the first therapist, I spent years battling these questions.  

  • How do I love myself without being selfish?  
  • How do I love others without having to say yes to everything or while still standing up for myself?  
  • How do I love others without getting walked all over?  

I felt like I wasn’t a good Christian or loving them the way I was “called” to love if I didn’t sign up for every meal delivery, go out with every guy who asked, quit volunteering, or even not visiting my family as long as they wanted me to. 

So I lived miserably stressed, overwhelmed with emotions, & thinking I wouldn’t be loved if I didn’t do all of these things. 

It never hit me that I wasn’t loving myself. 

It was a cycle.  I didn’t love myself.  I would say yes, not out of love but out of the desire for them to love me and fill my void, and then I’d be miserable and mad.  And not love who I was.

The cycle began and ended with me.  

I didn’t love myself and then I ended up not loving myself.  It was a downward spiral that I had to pull myself up out of.

I had to start understanding what it meant to love me – first.  

What I have sense learned, and mostly through coaching, is this.

When I know how to unconditionally love and value myself, then I have the capacity to love and value others.  

Before I was just trying to love others out of obligation, rules, and the desire to be loved.  None of that is loving.

Self- love starts with awareness.  Followed by understanding, compassion, acceptance, value, empowerment and self-boundaries (saying no to the short-term gratification for the long-term success).  

Imagine if you did that for yourself every day. 

You were aware of your thoughts and feelings driving your behaviors.  You understood and showed compassion and acceptance for where you’re at.  You valued yourself no matter what.  You felt empowered to be confident and have self-boundaries in order to have success for yourself.  

Imagine a world where all of us did that.  

We’d have so much capacity to love others.  That’s truly what we’re called to do.

We’d be aware and understand them and their situations.  We’d show compassion and acceptance no matter what.  We’d value them with all of their flaws.  And then we’d be empowered to make decisions and have boundaries with them to help them have success for themselves.  

It was true when my therapist said it 15 years ago and it’s true now.  

You have to love yourself before you can love your neighbor as yourself.  

If you have wondered these same things before...

If you have felt both walked over and selfish

If you have ever battled with these same questions

I have an amazing opportunity for you!

Twelve weeks.  We tackle all of this and so much more!  We get you to a place where you know how to get what you want without being selfish.  You stop being walked over.  You stop the stress, the emotional overwhelm, the anxiety, and the confusion.  

You start 2020 knowing how to be assertive, set boundaries, say no, create self-confidence, and have unconditional love for yourself and others.  

Imagine how that would change your relationships with your family, your partner, your friends, your co-workers, and your boss! 

Imagine how you would grow as a leader in your career and personally. 

It’s my first time offering this program – Stop Getting Walked All Over: How To Get What You Want Without Being Selfish, so I have an extra bonus for you.

Buy in October and you’ll get your free bonus invite to my 2020: Making It Happen – New Year’s Workshop in January, valued at $150.

I’m so excited for you and what can be done when you start learning how to get what you want, how to love yourself, and not be selfish!

Message me to set up the free consult call and get all the details. nataliewilsoncoaching@gmail.com

It’s The Hard That Makes Things Good

What’s hard for you, friend?  

I don’t want to sound insensitive, but a lot of what we think is hard is just our minds annoyed by our daily life.  Our minds default to our jobs, being a mom, dating.  

But is it really hard or do we just automatically feel that way because we don’t want to do it? 

Our minds like to automatically complain, find the negative, and be safe even when it’s actually not that hard.  Our minds can even take things that are BORING and convince us that they’re HARD.  

What is it that pushes you outside your comfort zone hard?  Pushes you to become a better version of yourself?  

The “this feels scary as sh&*” and “I don’t know if I can do this” hard.  

It could be for some of us that it is a loved one getting an illness.  It could be getting married, dating, having a kid, or birthing a business.  

Or it could just be as simple as allowing yourself to dream.  Or committing to 3 times a week of real exercise.  

Tom Hanks says “It’s the hard that makes things good” in A League Of Their Own and it rings true in real life, not just on the field.  

I want to encourage you with that today.

Whatever you think is hard, find how it’s good.  Find how it’s pushing you to be the next best version of yourself.  

And when you know it’s hard and it’s pushing you to grow, tell yourself what I tell myself. “I can do hard things.”

Because then it’s not just “hard”.  Then it becomes “good”.  

A Quick Way To Win In Life

In my sessions with clients, often they are filled with all the things they are getting wrong in life.  Can you relate?

I know I do!  I come to my coach with all the things that I think I need “fixing”.  I have a list.

But I want to stop us all this week and I want us to do something every single day.  

I mean it.  Every day.  

Right before you go to sleep, perhaps when you’re brushing your teeth or getting that glass of water, I want you to think about all the things you did “Right” that day.  

Then write it down.  Our brains LOVE it when we write things down.  It helps us see our thinking.  

So right it down.  (See what I did there?)

I got to work on time.  I called my mom.  I ate a salad at lunch.  I did what I said I was going to do and I went for a run.  

Sometimes it might just be that you moved the clothes from the washer to the dryer on the same day.  #winning 

But get that stuff down.  Tell yourself you are doing a good job.  

It’s so easy for us focus on what we’re doing wrong, instead of what we’re doing right. 

So give yourself a high-five.  And give yourself more love this week.  You’ll be surprised how it helps you grow just as much. 

When you love yourself unconditionally, it spills over into unconditionally loving others.  

This is self-love, ya’ll.  And others love.  And unconditional love.  

It’s the “right” kind of love. 

Remember.  You’re doing a good job.  I promise.  

Much love,
Natalie

P.S. If you have ever felt like a doormat, a wallflower, “too nice”, taken advantage of, shy, or felt like you apologize too much, will you take this quick survey for me?  Click Here It’s two questions and should take 2 minutes.  Thanks!!

P.P.S.  This week, my clients and I are spending time looking at how we are creating the results we want in our life.  They will walk away with actionable steps that help them build more wins.  If you keep reading these and wondering if you could do this, the answer is yes!  You can!  I wondered too.  And I’m so glad I took a chance on myself. Email me now at nataliewilsoncoaching@gmail.com and let’s set up a time to chat about the things you want to create in your life.  

Challenge: What Would Your Future Self Say to You?

We often see people writing letters to their 10, 13, 19 year old self, but how often do we consider what our future self would say to us right now? 

I’m about to go to my coaching Mastermind, and they keep encouraging us to show up as our future self.  

This is not to make us feel bad about who we are now, but to challenge us to really think about WHO we want to BECOME. 

So who do I want to be a year from now?  Hmmm.

Let’s be honest. If we’re not growing, we’re just stagnant.  We’re not becoming a different or better version.  

But guess what?  Time is going to pass by.  You will be a year older September 11, 2020 if nothing else. 

You can either have the exact same life with the exact same routine, or you can update your version.  

You can either have an updated version that was given to you by life’s circumstances and the people in your life (and you accepted).

Or you can have an updated version that you intentionally chose.  

Either way. Your Future Self is coming.  

Who do you want to be a year from now?  

Here’s a great way to think about it. Write a letter as that person to you.  

To help you out, here is part of my letter from my future self:

Natalie – You are changing lives.  Don’t ever forget that is why you are doing this.  You want to help more women be the heroes of their own life.  For them to believe they can be the leading lady, not the best friend.  For them to let go of all the worry and people pleasing and rule-following that keeps them in a prison. For them to step out of the shadows with a strong voice. They can find love, value, and acceptance within themselves and then use it to create a career they want, a relationship they want, and friendships they want.  

Be secure and rock it.  

Go with your gut.  Always.  It’s a gift you have and it won’t lead you astray.  

Most of all realize that ‘there’ is not better than ‘right now’, but you will have evolved to become stronger, more loving, and a more involved human.  You will have created a life that will leave you skidding into heaven, which is what you want! 

Last, be full of gratitude every step of the way.  Be grateful for the Lord, for Darin, for your family, your choices, your mental health, your clients, and for you.

You did it.  You stepped out of the boat.  You stopped being a wallflower.  You shined your light for others to follow.  Way to go.  

XO – Natalie, Sept 2020

Alright y’all. It’s your turn. Who do you want to become? And what would that woman say to you right now? I’d love to hear from you and your future self!

Having Fun Yet? Questions To Help You When You’re Not

In 6th grade, my dad sat the three daughters down for an “easy” game of Risk.

For those of you who got to play things like Uno and jump on a trampoline, you may not be aware that this game involved countries going to war and losing it all in battle. Don’t be jealous.

(And in case you’re wondering, my dad was military and I’m proud that he is a Vietnam Vet.) 

As proud as I am of him, I’m not quite sure if that was the most fun my sisters and I could dream of having at that time.  I’m pretty sure my dad yelled at my sister, “You’re going to sit there and you’re going to have fun!!”  

Well, friend, we can laugh at it now, but how many of us are doing things that are “good” for us or things we “have” to do with the same point of view?  

I HAVE to.  I don’t want to.  I should do this.  I shouldn’t do that.  If I’m a good person, I need to do it.  Just muddle it through.  Just survive.

It’s an itty, bitty belief that takes something that could be enjoyable, worth it, and fun to guilt, pressure, and resentment.

It could be your workout, your food, your budget, your marriage, your work, or even your faith.

I’m ashamed to admit this, but for years, I volunteered because I thought that’s what “good people” do.  I followed the rules of society and my church.  I wanted to be liked and I didn’t want to look selfish to others or to God.  

Think about that.  

I “have” to volunteer because everyone else in my church is volunteering.  I don’t want to look selfish.  These are all the thoughts that were in my brain.

So I volunteered.  I would leave irritated that I didn’t serve in the role I wanted or didn’t meet new people or they wasted my time.  I ended up acting and being selfish. 

And I ended up not really being the “good person” I was forcing myself to be or loving the people I was supposedly volunteering to love.  

Now, I really want to think and feel love and fun when I do these things because I can.  

So now I think “I am so excited I get to learn more about this medical missions team.” I go.  I learn about it.  I leave happy to know more about the organization and having done it.  

For those of us who are the do-gooders, rule-followers and perfectionists, we can get it twisted real quick.  

Those “have to” and “shoulds” and “if I’m a good person” turn into guilt and resentment, which defeats the purpose of why we’re doing it in the first place. We’re not doing it out of love. We’re not having fun.

I’m not saying not to do all the things you want to do to be wealthy in your faith, relationships, health, and finance, i.e. go to church, call your mom, eat vegetables, feed your kids.  

What I’m saying is if it’s something you don’t want to do, but you know it will help you (or your kids/family/work), ask yourself these four questions:

  1. How can I make this fun?
  2. How can I do this out of love?
  3. How can I have fun today/this week?
  4. If I loved doing this, how would I think, feel, act? 

These four questions will help you enjoy that mental list you have in your head of what you “have” to do and may even help you choose to do it out of love or fun instead of out of resentment or guilt. 

Think about how you would show up to friends, family, and co-workers if you did more out of love or fun and less out of resentment or guilt.  

Love feels better, doesn’t it?  Fun feels good. Guilt and resentment are like little prisons we make for ourselves.

Don’t let your brain keep you there.

Email me at nataliewilsoncoaching@gmail.com and let me know how you are choosing to make things fun and do things more out of love this week. 

Let’s get started freeing you up from the guilt and resentment you feel daily. Email me to chat about working with me.

With total real love – Natalie

Caught Between Doing Good and Being Ambitious

Raise your hand if you’ve ever felt caught between two good things when trying to make a decision. 

I know I’m not the only one.   

  • We’re not sure what to do in our relationships. (Do we break up or do we stay because they are a good person?)
  • We’re not sure what to do for our careers.
  • We’re super confused over what to eat since there are 8,000 diets out there.  
  • We’re definitely confused about how to solve even the smallest of problems.

And this is worse for those of us who are the smart, sensitive souls that want to do good in the world and want to reach for the stars, live out our dreams, and make an impact in the world. We feel off balance and caught between doing good and being ambitious.

What I have learned and what I teach my clients is this.  

Ambition doesn’t mean you have to be selfish.  

Doing good doesn’t mean you ignore who you are and you say yes to everything and everybody.  

But we let our brains believe that these two things are separate.  We let our brains stay in confusion.  

What happens when we’re confused?  The worst thing is that we waste time getting to the dreams, goals and the good we want to see in the world.

We are literally keeping ourselves from doing the good and reaching for the stars because we stay stuck in confusion.    

I was confused.  I was confused on my “niche”.  My people. 

The great thing I did, though, which I also teach my clients, is that I took action even when I was confused.  I tried out weight loss for teachers.  Then teacher burnout.  Then teen girls.  

Each one of them was almost there, but not quite.  And when I would let myself be confused, I wasted the time I could have helped more women make amazing life changes.

Who I have worked with the most and have had the greatest results are the smart, sensitive high-achieving women (and teen girls) who hold back because of their self-doubt, self-critical thoughts, worry, perfectionism, and emotions.  

The ones people say “she’s just too sensitive”.  She takes things personally.  She feels guilty a lot.  She worries a lot about others.  She doesn’t like to have attention.  She doesn’t like to be the center of attention.  She agrees with everyone.  

These women – and teen girls – dim their light.  They cover their sensitive, hard-working, big-dreaming souls in order to make sure all around them are okay.  

But they’re not okay.  

They’re tired, frustrated, overwhelmed, confused, ignored, and empty.  

They want to speak up but they don’t know how.  

They believe they don’t deserve to be front and center.  

They don’t believe that a nice girl like them can get the corner office.  

Well, I’m here to tell them -THEY CAN.  

They can get their dreams, do-good, AND be the sensitive power that the world desperately needs.  

If you are tired, frustrated, overwhelmed, confused, ignored, and empty, are you showing up how you want to in the world?  Are you giving your best?  

I know I wasn’t.  

I did something about it.   

When nothing changes, nothing changes.  

Here’s your chance to change.  

DM me right now or email me at nataliewilsoncoaching@gmail.com and let’s start that change.  

It’s possible to get the corner office, get the guy, and still be the smart, sensitive soul doing good in the world.  

Be Front and Centered.  

If You Think There Is A Right Way, You Might Be Wrong

I remember telling my former principal in an interview that the most important thing I could teach a student is to always do the right thing.  

Seemed like such a virtuous, solid answer.  Boom.  Hire me.  He did.  

The problem with that, though, is a lot of different people believe they know what the “right” thing is and all of those people don’t often agree.  

For a student, their best friend might say one thing is right, their parent might say another, and their teacher can have a third opinion.  It’s not always black and white.  In fact, most of the time, it isn’t.  

But let’s take it personal. As a recovering perfectionist myself, I have actually made this belief – that I have to always do the right thing – a prison.  

It has kept me from taking action because if I didn’t know for sure it was the “right” thing, I wouldn’t do anything at all. I stayed miserable in a job for years because I didn’t know what the “right” next job for me was.

It’s also kept me from trusting my own decisions because I wanted validation from others that I was “right”.  (How do other people know what is right for me?!)

And what I’ve discovered lately is that this belief isn’t serving me to help me feel and be the kind of woman I want to be.  

If I have the belief ‘I have to always do the right thing’ then I will always be thinking ‘I am right’.  This shows up as righteousness and arrogance.  Ugh.

If I’m not thinking ‘I am right’, then I most likely am thinking ’I’m doing this all wrong’ which creates the feeling of inadequacy or not enough.  I feel like a total failure and before I know it, I’m actually failing at whatever I’m trying.  

Oh – and this is when we all love to mean girl ourselves. We beat ourselves up over doing the wrong thing. Or maybe even being the wrong person. (Whoah – did I strike a nerve with anyone else?)

This belief – as virtuous and solid as it might sound –  keeps me stuck.  It keeps me frozen.  Or in a self-sabotaging prison.  It might be doing the same for you.

This is what’s called a limiting belief.  Something that you believe deeply after years and years of thinking and believing it, and it subconsciously influences your every day thinking.  It also holds you back from something in your life.  

This is the kind of limiting belief you can reprogram with the right tools and the right coach (ahem – that’s me).  

For me, when I became aware of how often I thought ‘I’m doing this all wrong’ and how it was producing the results I didn’t want in my life, I wanted to change it.  

So now I practice “Nothing has gone wrong.” 

This thought is a game changer.  It’s like the saying “You’re either winning or learning.” 

It helps me see each situation as a chance to learn and not a chance to tell myself I’m a total failure. It’s a way for me to show compassion and self-love, which then really helps me offer that same compassion and love to others.  

How can you give others what you don’t practice yourself?

Try it on.  Nothing has gone wrong.  Feels good, doesn’t it?  

If any of this resonated with you, and you want to know more about reprogramming your limiting beliefs, email me at nataliewilsoncoaching@gmail.com and let’s set up a time to talk.

You don’t have to hold yourself back or beat yourself up anymore. You CAN reprogram those beliefs.

Two Things To Do When It Feels Like You Don’t Belong

Dear Santa – please help me belong.  

How many of you have thought similarly to this 9 year old little girl?  

What’s funny, is that there is always some reason in our head that seems SO TRUE to justify why we don’t belong.

Like I would swear in the court of law that I don’t belong because I’m a half-Hispanic, half-white who looks Asian, non-Spanish speaking step-mom with no kids of her own.  Seems totally legit to me. 

Other reasons that SEEM SO legit.  

You don’t have a boyfriend.  

You’re not married.  

You don’t have kids.  

You don’t have the same job as everyone else in your circle.  

You’re the top leader in your organization.  

You aren’t from the South.  You look different from the others.  

You like yoga.  

I know.  Some of these have been/are my reasons.  But they could be yours too.

Whether it IS true or not, our heads are thinking some thought that’s telling our hearts to feel rejected or alone or odd.  

The thoughts are the reasons that seem so legit.  

The fact that you don’t have a boyfriend does NOT automatically mean you don’t belong, contrary to what your brain believes. 

You “belong” in the singles box to check at the doctor’s office. That’s all.

Your HEAD is making it mean that you don’t belong in life.  That it means you are unloveable, a failure, a reject.

There are two things to really help your brain start overcoming this battle in your mind.  

First. What if you just notice how the feeling of unloved, rejected, or disliked feels?  It’s not going to hurt you.  It’s not going to kill you.  But you have to feel it to know that.  

Second. After you meet it head on, step back and make a list (or T-chart since I used to be a teacher) of fact vs. thoughts. 

Not married.  – Fact (provable in court – no human could win against you)

I don’t belong. – Thought

Not born in the South – Fact (provable in court; no human could win against you)

I’m not like anyone from here. – Thought

It comes down to really what your 3rd grade teacher taught you, ha, ha.  Look at Fact vs. Opinion (Thoughts).  

These two steps alone start exposing your brain to the lies it believes.  First lie – that you’ll die if you feel rejection or alone. Second lie – all the thoughts that are convincing you what isn’t true.  

And then you keep the battle of the mind going with giving it new things to believe about those facts.  

This is the work I do with my clients.  This is the work I’d do with you.  Email me anytime.  nataliewilsoncoaching@gmail.com

You do belong, but I’m not the one who can convince you. Only you can.