Good To Great – Changing the Programming

A lot of parents struggle with teaching their non-go-getter teens to go get. 

Why would you be okay with a C or not work to to get on the athletic team they want to be on? Or perhaps a teen coasts at a B and doesn’t understand why why they should push themselves when a B isn’t “bad”.  

If you think about it, though, most of their life they have been programmed for “good”.  They have been programmed to not be “bad” and to certainly do “right”.  

As a previous teacher, I’m guilty of that.  I remember teaching my kids to always do the “right thing”.  

Seriously. What the heck does that mean to a middle schooler? 

Half the time they probably truly don’t know what the right thing is to do and then they have so many voices telling them what is “right”.  Their friends, their teachers, their parents, social media.  How do they know which voice is the right voice?  

Even a pastor, Francis Chan, wrote about it in one of his books.  We get so caught up with teaching our kids to just be good and follow the rules that we forget to invite them to be great.  

Our kids programming right now is to not be bad.  Some of them, as they exercise independence and decide their friends are more important, actually believe they are bad or they want to be bad.  

It’s programming.  It’s beliefs.  It’s years of their brain believing this is the way.  This is THE WAY.  Not from you. All of it – school, church, the world, sports, etc.

What I work on with them is recognizing those beliefs.  Then we work on changing those beliefs.  And then we use those beliefs to accept themselves for who they are and then go for the dreams written in their heart! If they don’t have dreams, we start tackling that too!  

We take down the good shell and we create a great life.  Full of work, wins, and failures.  And they will love it.  Because they are no longer trapped into not being bad.

They are invited to be great.  

Best Case Scenario – A Decision Making Tool

Here’s one tool I teach my clients.  Best Case Scenario.  

You have a decision to make. Let’s say there are two options. Decide now that both options will turn out to be perfect – exactly how you’d want them to go. If that were the case, which one would you choose?  

That’s it. That’s the tool. Seems so simple and not effective, right?  I know. But try it. 

Here’s an example.

Recently, my husband and I found a house that just had framing up and we loved the floor plan.  It was perfect for our small family. And, if we bought now, we could finish building it.  We’d get to pick all the things.  So fun!

However, it was located much farther from my 2nd job and it was outside of our big city.  Away from all the restaurants and shops and activities we like to do.

We had to decide and we had to decide fast if we wanted to pick all the things.

Do we sell our home in Atlanta which is smaller and farther away from Darin’s work, and buy the bigger, newer home outside of Atlanta, or do we stay?

If we stay, we have to save more money to buy the type of house we want in the area we want.  And we’re not completely sure we’d find a house with this great of a floor plan.  

So how did I finally decide? Best Case Scenario. If all things worked out, and we moved out to the suburbs and loved our house and neighbors and restaurants and shopping or if we stayed and we saved up money in the next year and a half and found an amazing house in this location, which one did I really want?  

We stayed.  

Using The Best Case Scenario takes off the need to analyze all of the what-ifs, the cons, and constantly think about what could go wrong.  It makes a decision out of strength and abundance, not fear and scarcity.  

It’s so simple, and so effective.

Try it out and let me know how it works for you. Then try to share it with your teen!  

This Is Who I AM

Stop thinking “This Is Who I Am”.

Start thinking “Who Do I Want To Become?”  

I heard these words from a 17 year old motivational millionaire.

You see he used to believe he was not confident and couldn’t speak in front of people.  He just got paid $60,000 to speak for an hour in front of thousands of people. 

But more importantly, he says that numerous people have told him after a speech that they had been thinking about suicide and because of his speech, they were no longer going to kill themselves. 

Caleb said – If I had just said “I am not a speaker.  I am not a confident person” and never became the confident speaker I am, those people might have taken their lives.  

He wasn’t okay with just saying “This is who I am.”  

These are ones I’ve heard from friends & family lately.  These are who you just BELIEVE you are.  It’s not actually a fact.  Which means you can change your belief. 

“I am just a control freak.”“I am a people pleaser.”“I am a late person.”“I am an introvert.”“I am a 3 on the Enneagram.”“I just like food.”“I am busy.”“I am not disciplined.”“I am just an anxious person.”“I am just laid-back.”“I don’t really have goals.”“I don’t belong.”

This is a fixed mindset.  A static mindset.  A static, fixed person doesn’t change or grow.  

A growth mindset starts working on changing their mind. To change their life.

  •  “I can learn to let go of control.  I can let go of control.  I don’t have to have control.”  
  • “It’s possible to like food and say no to a brownie.  I can say no to a brownie.  I want to say no to a brownie.  I will say no.”
  • “I can learn to be on time.  I can be on time.  I will do everything I can to be on time.  I am on time.”  

What I just shared with you is a tool called Ladder Thoughts that I teach my clients to use to grow from one belief to another.  You baby step your way to a new belief.  

However, ladder thoughts don’t just magically give you a new mindset.  

You have to PRACTICE believing each one.  Writing them, listening to them, reading them, visualizing them, saying them to yourself.  Every day.  

This is unbelievable make-your-life-better-and-grow gold!!

Questions to ask yourself (Caleb’s), ladder thoughts, and how to practice it.  

Friends – Start doing these three things today! Let me know if you have any questions I can help answer!

XO – Natalie