If You Think Your Decisions Aren’t Impacting Others, Think Again

Do you know HOW many people are impacted by your choices?  Like really.  

Think About It.  

I just got off the phone with a client who was making a job decision and she brought up how thankful she was that I had the courage to pursue being a life coach.  

She said from that I am now helping her see her brain and live courageously and make hard job decisions confidently.  

So from my one decision, I am helping her and her decision which will then impact the lives of almost 100 children this year.  100 children who desperately need her to love them, encourage them, teach them how to do hard things, and achieve what is possible in their lives. 

They need her to show them what is impossible for their life.  And then make it possible.

What is the residual impact of your decisions? Whose lives are your ripples touching?

Who is impacted by your decisions?  Not just your family and friends.  Who could be impacted that you don’t even know?  

If you decide to get control of your finances and turn down all the cute clothes you want and drinks to drink and food to eat, it doesn’t just impact your wallet.  

It impacts the wallet of your parents, spouse, and friends because you wouldn’t have to take from theirs.  Now all of you have more money.  

They might see that you’re an example of what is possible and decide to do the same thing; now they are impacting all of their circle.  

I’m not saying buying clothes, drinks, or food is bad.  But I don’t think we realize the impact of those small choices and WHO they impact.  

Sometimes it takes courage to turn down the Target run of a shirt, a lamp, and new office supplies.  And that’s okay.  Not all hard decisions are taking career leaps.

For me, I will never know the 100 children, but my life is touching theirs.  My one decision to pursue the uncomfortable and unknown career of being a life coach is impacting hundreds.  

What could your decisions be doing?  

Living The Dream-It IS POSSIBLE

Anyone else have adult meltdowns?  No, me neither.

 
In 2012, at the age of 34, I bought my first townhome.  I had to borrow $5,000 from my parents and took out a teacher loan to afford the down payment.    

When I sat down to sign the 800 documents, I saw a much larger amount than I expected as my monthly mortgage payment.  How was I going to pay for that on my teacher salary?

 
The tears sprang up and started spilling down my cheek.  The lawyer and my realtor (both male and single) had NO idea what to do.  The tears just flowed as they passed me a tissue box.  Bahahaha!  Bless. 


Thankfully about 5 minutes later one of my greatest friends showed up to support me with a bottle of champagne and a smile.  She had bought her first condo as a result of a divorce and knew exactly what I was going through.  


How had my life ended up here?  How was I 34 and single and almost no money and hating my job and having a meltdown in front of two male lawyers?  


That’s a long story, so I’ll skip to the ending.  


I found a book by a life coach that changed my life.  Then I took massive action and did the work and prayed and meditated on verses and things that created joy in my life.  


Then I finally got the memo that I was worth a 10 (we all are) so I needed to find a 10 husband.  Enter Darin.  Then I decided I wanted to pursue coaching teachers. Got that. Then pursue helping kids with their emotional and mental health.  Did that.  


Sold two homes in between (one of which paid for my wedding).


Now, 7 years later, I just turned in my resignation at the school that I LOVE and a job that I LOVED to pursue a calling that I LOVE. 


Life Coaching.  Because life coaching is what started this whole thing and the coaching that Brooke Castillo teaches lit my life and my husband’s life on fire.  


I took the leap, but knowing that I have my own back.  It’s scary and exciting and all the things.  My brain has argued and doubted and celebrated and committed.  


I am living my dream come true of being a full-time life coach where I get to impact lives in a whole new way.  


What I want you to know is that it is ALL POSSIBLE.  Nothing you can imagine is impossible.  
Weight loss.  Better relationships.  A job you love.  The finances you want.  Confidence.  


It is ALL POSSIBLE.  You just have to commit to doing the work.  It’s not an overnight solution, but you didn’t get to where you are overnight either. 


It is ALL POSSIBLE.  

Going All In – A Strategy “Willing To Lose”

So I honestly am making up the name of this strategy.  If you read this and can come up with a better name, by all means, let me know.  Until then, I’m naming it “Willing To Lose”.  

My coach has this great example of proving whether or not her clients are believing that they are really going to make their goal happen, that they are 100% all in.  

Let’s go with a weight goal – losing 6 lbs this month.  Just a tad outside my comfort zone but not ridiculously out of the question.  

I’m going to have the belief: Oh, yeah, I’m going to lose 6 lbs this month.  No problem.  

My actions are that I’m eating bread once a week, no sugar, and exercising twice a week.  

And after two weeks, I only lose two pounds.  

I start panicking or thinking I’m doing something wrong or wasting my time.  

At this point, I’m completely doubting whether or not I’m going to hit my goal.  

My coach will say to me – are you willing to pay me $10,000 if you don’t hit your goal?  

And because I’m doubting, I’m not willing to lose $10,000 so I am going to say ‘HAIL’ no.  

I’m not really all in.  I’m full of doubt and fear, not determination and focus.  

Do you see this?

A person who is ALL IN is going to say – yes.  I am going to to do whatever it takes to lose the other four pounds.  This is possible.  It is happening.  I can say yes I’ll pay you because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am going to show up for myself.  I am going to make it happen.  I am not willing to lose.

What is your goal?  Like a specific real goal.  

Are you willing to pay me $10,000 if you don’t hit it? Don’t play not to lose. Play to win.

Going All In – Chunking Your Life

When I started planning my wedding, I had no wedding planner, a mom who knew nothing about planning weddings, and no time.  I had just started a new job shortly before I got engaged to add fuel to the fire.  

Then we decided to sell my town home so I could have money to pay for the wedding.  So now I was planning a wedding, learning my new position, selling a home, and looking for a new one.  

If you’ve ever done any of these, you know they all take time and massive action.  Oh, and we were for sale by owner.  We were taking lots and lots of action.

How did I do it all almost by myself without having a nervous breakdown or failing everyone involved?  I learned to chunk my to-do list, and I became a master of my schedule.  

I didn’t just say I had no time or I was overwhelmed or it wasn’t fair.  I mean all of this was great stuff happening. 

It was easier to stay in the positive frame of mind, for sure.  But that didn’t make the work go away.  

Chunking was my plan.  For everything.  Selling my home by mid October when I got engaged Labor Day?  I spent every weekend for four weeks in a row going through each room in my house, clearing out the mess, cleaning, and staging.

Once it was sold (first day on the market for full asking price), I spent the next three and half weeks (he was paying cash), packing systematically doing the same process.  Each room had boxes, Sharpies, packing tape & paper, and all boxed and ready for when the movers came.  

Some of you might think well it’s easy when it’s selling a house and planning a wedding, but I want you to think about that. 

How many brides become Bridezillas because they are stressed and overwhelmed?  How many people never move because they don’t want to go through the process no matter how much they could make?  It’s just “too much trouble”.  

These tasks can seem overwhelming if you think they are overwhelming. When you think it’s all doable, your brain comes up with a way to do it all. It’s the way your brain works.

Chunking is a fabulous strategy to use when going all in.  It makes it seem doable.  Because it is doable.  You chunk it and then you do the small chunks.  

And if all of that doesn’t convince you to try chunking, think about the saying.  You know the one.  How do you eat an elephant?  One bite at a time.  

I actually don’t understand how this became a thing since no one I know eats elephant, thank the Lawd.  But I do know it’s a thing.  So think about it.  One bite at a time. 🙂

How To Go All In – A Strategy

How is it possible to go all in when you want to, but you also really don’t want to? 

Like, you want to go all in with your workout routine, but you’re not.  You keep skipping the gym and hanging out with your dogs instead.  

Or you want to go all in with organizing your house, but you’re not.  You keep scrolling through Facebook and watching Marie Kondo on Netflix.  (Which is at least on the subject of organizing)

For teens, it could be getting straight A’s or getting on the dance team or getting extra money to buy more Pops or Adidas shoes that they otherwise would not be allowed to buy.  

Whatever it is, let’s go all in.  This is how.

Step 1 – Be specific

Like real specific.  I’m working out 5 times every week for this month.  I’m cleaning out the kitchen pantry by Friday.  I’m getting an A on all tests this quarter.  I’m making $100 this week to buy my Abraham Lincoln Pop. 

Write it down. 

Step 2 – Write down your excuses

Write down ALL of your excuses and doubts that are going to come up and then what you’ll need to tell your brain.  You’re the boss of your brain.  So I need for you to act like a boss. 

Example: I’m going to be tired from not sleeping because of our broken A/C so I may skip working out those days it’s broken (excuse).  No, you are going to the freaking gym.  I will have more energy during the day and be able to sleep better that night (Brain Boss talking)

Other excuses: I don’t have time; I am so tired; the kids need me to stay home; my husband won’t feel loved; I need to do more at home (and less for me).

Step 3 – Don’t judge your excuses.

Seriously.  Don’t do it.  Just be like ‘oh, that’s my self-doubt.  That’s my excuse to get out of it.  It’s kinda like my teen who is telling me she has a sore throat when in reality she has a math test.’  See?  It’s just doing it’s job.  Be like ‘good job, brain’. 

And then do what you committed to doing anyway.   

Step 4 – Reflect on your mind AND your action.  

Ask yourself what worked, what didn’t work, what would I do differently at the end of each day with both your thought work AND your actions.  Your mind is the gas fueling your actions so you need to take a look at that too.  You don’t want to be ignoring the fact that you’re putting some cheap stuff into the actions and that’s what is really causing the poor results, right?  No.  Once you know it’s the cheap gas from the unmarked gas station down the street that has shady characters hanging around all the time causing your car to leap forward in the middle of traffic for no apparent reason, you’re going to look for the next fancy BP to fill your car up with.  Same with your mind.  Reflect on your mind and actions.  

And that is it, friends.  Actually DO this work. When I say ‘write’, I mean write. it. out.  What we want to do is just do it in our minds and count it like we did it.  I know this because I do this ALL the time.  But this is like building a muscle. Your mental muscle of going all in.  So in order to build it up, you must exercise it.  

This is your work. The how. 

Go all in.  

Old You vs. New You

The old is gone and the new has come.  What parts of the old you are you still leaning on?  

Old me:  Oh, I’ll just take my time and wonder around for a while, read all the signs and directions; google all the possible disasters.   

New me: That’s where I’m headed. Running the whole way.  This is happening.

I am the daughter of the King.  I serve a mighty God who will move Heaven and Earth for me to run after what He has called me to do. 

I will run, not half-jog, in this journey with desire, love, and excitement. 

It is fear that keeps me alive, but it will not be fear that holds me back.  

It is always love.  Love for myself, love for others, and love for our God.  

Now, I am looking for moms and dads who want to know more about how to light the fire under their teen’s you know what and get them to not hold back.  I have a quick 10 minute virtual training next Tuesday, the 23rd for parents at 11am.  

After the session, you’ll also get the three short videos I made for your teens – How To Get Moving, How To Get Motivated, & How To Get Mentally Strong.  Those will be sent to anyone who signs up for the session.  

The videos alone are life changing for your teens. I can’t wait to help them change their year and their life!

Register here until July 22nd!

For The Kids Who Want A’s & Hate School

I have a client who doesn’t like school.  Oh, wait.  I have many clients who don’t like school.  

This client (meaning most of my clients) has good grades, studies ok, and wants to have straight As.  Her goal for next year is to have the highest A possible in all classes.

She also thinks school is a waste of time, a necessity, and boring.  

Do you see the problem?  I know you hear it at home, but do you see it?  

She wants one thing, but the very thing she wants, she doesn’t like.  

No wonder we all decide that tweens and teens are extreme and confusing!  

I mean, we adults, are NEVER like that.  

We don’t want to lose weight, but also hate the gym.  

We don’t want to be happy at our jobs, but talk about how bad our boss is.  

We don’t want to be on time, and then say that being late is “just who we are”.

Nope.  I’ve never said those things.  (You know I’m kidding, right?)

As much as we’d like to only see what our kids are going through as just being drama, it’s also what we struggle with. 

Why?  It’s our human brain.  

It’s cognitive dissonance – when one’s ideas, beliefs, behaviors are contradictory.  

Your kids are just beginning to really learn what it is and what to do when it happens.  

Cognitive dissonance is a great opportunity for growth as long as you are bringing attention to it to your mind.  

Once your brain becomes aware of it, it has a much better chance of reconciling the two.  

Awareness is the first step.  

And I’ll be talking next steps for this in my Back To School meeting for parents of tweens & teens on the 23rd.  More details to come!

Good To Great – Changing the Programming

A lot of parents struggle with teaching their non-go-getter teens to go get. 

Why would you be okay with a C or not work to to get on the athletic team they want to be on? Or perhaps a teen coasts at a B and doesn’t understand why why they should push themselves when a B isn’t “bad”.  

If you think about it, though, most of their life they have been programmed for “good”.  They have been programmed to not be “bad” and to certainly do “right”.  

As a previous teacher, I’m guilty of that.  I remember teaching my kids to always do the “right thing”.  

Seriously. What the heck does that mean to a middle schooler? 

Half the time they probably truly don’t know what the right thing is to do and then they have so many voices telling them what is “right”.  Their friends, their teachers, their parents, social media.  How do they know which voice is the right voice?  

Even a pastor, Francis Chan, wrote about it in one of his books.  We get so caught up with teaching our kids to just be good and follow the rules that we forget to invite them to be great.  

Our kids programming right now is to not be bad.  Some of them, as they exercise independence and decide their friends are more important, actually believe they are bad or they want to be bad.  

It’s programming.  It’s beliefs.  It’s years of their brain believing this is the way.  This is THE WAY.  Not from you. All of it – school, church, the world, sports, etc.

What I work on with them is recognizing those beliefs.  Then we work on changing those beliefs.  And then we use those beliefs to accept themselves for who they are and then go for the dreams written in their heart! If they don’t have dreams, we start tackling that too!  

We take down the good shell and we create a great life.  Full of work, wins, and failures.  And they will love it.  Because they are no longer trapped into not being bad.

They are invited to be great.  

Best Case Scenario – A Decision Making Tool

Here’s one tool I teach my clients.  Best Case Scenario.  

You have a decision to make. Let’s say there are two options. Decide now that both options will turn out to be perfect – exactly how you’d want them to go. If that were the case, which one would you choose?  

That’s it. That’s the tool. Seems so simple and not effective, right?  I know. But try it. 

Here’s an example.

Recently, my husband and I found a house that just had framing up and we loved the floor plan.  It was perfect for our small family. And, if we bought now, we could finish building it.  We’d get to pick all the things.  So fun!

However, it was located much farther from my 2nd job and it was outside of our big city.  Away from all the restaurants and shops and activities we like to do.

We had to decide and we had to decide fast if we wanted to pick all the things.

Do we sell our home in Atlanta which is smaller and farther away from Darin’s work, and buy the bigger, newer home outside of Atlanta, or do we stay?

If we stay, we have to save more money to buy the type of house we want in the area we want.  And we’re not completely sure we’d find a house with this great of a floor plan.  

So how did I finally decide? Best Case Scenario. If all things worked out, and we moved out to the suburbs and loved our house and neighbors and restaurants and shopping or if we stayed and we saved up money in the next year and a half and found an amazing house in this location, which one did I really want?  

We stayed.  

Using The Best Case Scenario takes off the need to analyze all of the what-ifs, the cons, and constantly think about what could go wrong.  It makes a decision out of strength and abundance, not fear and scarcity.  

It’s so simple, and so effective.

Try it out and let me know how it works for you. Then try to share it with your teen!  

Questions To Ask To Help Your Brain Commit

The way you do one thing is the way you do anything.  That’s what my coach tells me. 

This hit me like a whiff of really strong perfume. Eyes opened!

You see, I have always done pretty well with my weight, my exercise, my finances and even my time – I could coast just above average.  A solid B+/A-.

This week, I started thinking. I ignore my alarm. I hit the snooze button. I choose to do one more thing in the ten minutes I “think” I have which creates me being late.

And if what my coach says is true, I lack commitment to my schedule, which means I also don’t commit to my financial budget or my food plan. 

Ugh. I had a bad feeling this was legit.

Yep, I “cheat” here and there with my budget and food too, and since I know how to just do enough, I fluctuate 2-4 lbs and never bounce checks.

I am technically late to things, but rarely am late to where I miss the beginning of things which don’t really “count”. “No harm done”.

Even when I was in college, I rarely studied and got a solid A-. In high school, I rarely studied, and I was top 15%, not top 5%.

Yep, this is legit.

I realize I had this thought ‘Why push myself and go ALL IN?’ I was coasting very well with little commitment and little effort.

And then I thought – What if I went ALL IN?  What if I committed to doing it 100%?  What would my results look like?  What would I create for myself?  Who would I become?  

WhenI realized this, my mind WAS BLOWN. I have been living my life coasting. From teen to 40. Not really committing to much and also not really shining. I’ve been holding myself back.

So I immediately decided my schedule was where I could really transform. Schedule my day, honor my commitments, show up for myself and others. And look out for who I am becoming!

Finishing up week one and have already blown my mind. I was EARLY to lunch with a friend. I did EVERYTHING on my schedule, down to the exact podcast I wrote I’d listen to.

ALL IN.

What about you? What if you showed up 100% in your life even if it was just ONE thing? You’d blow your mind, wouldn’t you?

Share this with your teen. Challenge them to go ALL IN in just one thing.

Why are they holding themselves back at all? Why did they pick the goal they picked? Who do they want to become as they do it? What do they want to create by going ALL IN? What do they see as the obstacles and challenges? How can they plan to overcome these?

They can start now. So can you.

Y’all. Let’s GO ALL IN. I’m going with you!