Too Scared or Too Picky?

Too Scared or Too Picky?

That’s what one of my clients asked me on our last call.

But what if it’s both?  What if she’s too picky because she’s too scared?

What if she’s not picky enough and that’s what scares her? 

Her brain stays on overdrive vacillating & trying to solve it.

The thing is…only she knows that answer.  But the way she’s trying to do it won’t work. 

She’s trying to answer the wrong question.

The better question to ask is why are you scared?  Or what would you be scared of?  What is too picky?  Who decided what was too picky?   Why do you think you are?

If there was no right answer,  what would you say?

These questions get to the heart of the problem in her mind. 

My client is also trying to answer the question from the wrong place.  Doubt.

Asking questions from doubt only leads to more doubt.  

You have to ask questions from curiosity, vulnerability,  and love.  

That’s often what I coach around. 

A lot of my clients struggle with anxiety, self-doubt, people pleasing, 2nd guessing, and being uncomfortable in relationships & life. 

Those emotions and behaviors AREN’T just “who you are”.  It’s how your brain has been trained.  

You can retrain it.  

How do I know that?  Because my clients do.  Because previous clients have done itt. Because I did it.  Because the tools I teach WORK.

So guess what?  I’m offering a new program.

Cautious to Confident in Love in 90 days

In 90 Days, you will

  • Figure out where your value, power & strength come from (not from a guy or dating)
  • Be able to make strong decisions
  • Answer the question am I too scared or too picky (& fix it!)
  • Trust your gut and act on it
  • Pick the right guys (and get rid of your bad picker)
  • Step into your strength in a relationship
  • Love your man without losing yourself
  • Own who you are & what you want
  • Commit to the love you do want
  • Love yourself more than you love people pleasing or being “nice”
  • Stop analyzing every text conversation & date
  • Get out of your head so you don’t miss an opportunity
  • Speak up and shine, not shut down 
  • Be unapologetically and authentically you
  • Say no to guys easily
  • Be comfortable with a guy pursuing you 
  • Know how to create self-confidence & confidence for any situation

What if in 90 days you could be and do all of these things? It is possible. Don’t be so cautious that you miss the opportunity to transform. 🙂

First step is to answer  a couple of questions and pick out a time for me to learn more about your story & you to learn more about coaching.  Schedule a free call here.  

I Am Here

I am here.  

I am here to admire the blue skies.   

I am here to breathe using my healthy lungs.

I am here to savor clean drinking water.   

I am here to experience the anxiety when I go to the store.

I am here to create fun memories cooking with my husband.

I am here to help my clients. 

I am here to wonder what will happen to my parents, my family, my future.

I am here to imagine all the creativity and innovation and love that will transpire from this.

I am here to fear.

I am here to love.

I am here.

I will not stop living ahead of time.  

I will take all of it.  Because I am here.   

Thankful you are here with me too.

Stay healthy & be love,

Natalie

P.S. I am grateful for you.  For you reading this.   For your heart.  Your fears.  Your life.  You are here.  Right now.  Don’t miss all this life has to offer.  

Where Your Mind Goes, Your Life Follows

It was 3 a.m. and my mind wouldn’t stop racing.  It was thinking about the friend who no longer is a friend, although she keeps me around on FB.  Basically ghosted me.  My parents who are getting older.  The coronovirus.  

I was anxious and I couldn’t stop worrying.  This lasted about 10 minutes when this thought popped in my head:

‘Where my mind goes, my feelings follow.’

Since my mind was going to all the problems and what-ifs in the world, then fear was following!  

What I tell my clients, especially younger ones, feelings are signals.  Letting you know something is happening either in your body – like food poison – or in your mind – like thoughts.  

They’re also like my dog.   Willie.  Where I go, he goes.  If I walk down the stairs,  his little tail is swinging behind me.  If I open the kitchen pantry, Willie appears.  

It’s what feelings do also.  They follow your thoughts. They appear wherever you send your mind.

More than that, though, where your mind goes, your LIFE follows.  

Your life – your money, your weight, your career, your relationships – are a result of all those 60,000 thoughts you have flying around on a daily basis. Most of us have no clue how they are running the show. We just keep going.

So here’s a chance to slow down. Where is your mind going?  Where does it go most of the day? Because that’s a great indicator of where your life will go too.  

Don’t like the track it’s on? No? Want to create a different life? A different result. Yes? Then you have the opportunity everyday too. It’s what I help my clients do every day.

As I realized that I wasn’t really anxious, I just was letting my mind focus on anxious thoughts, I let them go.  I focused on the power of knowing where my mind goes, my life follows.  

And I went to sleep.  With Willie close by.

This Wasn’t How I Thought It Would Be

I stepped into the mammogram room.  Dark, cold, and empty.   Hallow.  Kind of how I felt inside.  

It was sadness mixed with disappointment mixed with confusion.  

This wasn’t how I thought this part of my life would go.  42.  No kids.  Getting a mammogram, not an ultrasound.  It’s not that I didn’t think I’d ever have a mammogram.  I just thought I’d be a mom when I did. 

The tears sprang up.  I willed them to stay in as I listened to the nurse.

…The thing is…life is 50 – 50.  For everyone.   50% positive and 50% negative.

And what most of us do, and what I used to do, is spend the the 50% negative making it worse. We resist it, dwell in it, talk about it, worry about it, ignore it and all the while, we steal more time from the positive things in our life.

When the 50% negative comes, we act like it shouldn’t be there. 

For me, I used to swing from letting my emotions run me to shoving them in a closet somewhere, pulling up my bootstraps, and just moving on. 

Neither are healthy and neither help me become who I want to be.

So when I stumbled across LCS, I learned about this concept of 50/50.  I learned about accepting my feelings.  And I learned how to not let them control me.   

I learned how to feel them so I didn’t let it ruin my day.  I didn’t stifle them with a drink, or food, or retail therapy.  I learned that the hallow feeling is just that. A hallow feeling.

So after the doctor appointment, as I got in my car and shut the door, I just let the tears fall and I let myself feel sad and disappointed and confused.  

I thought about how I was feeling.  I thought about why I was feeling that way.  And just like that, after a few minutes, it went away.  

I let it go in a healthy way.  

A lot of women I know ignore, avoid, or resist their feelings.   They shove their feelings on a shelf so they can deal with the moment in front of them, but they never go back or learn how to manage the thoughts causing the feeling. They cling to tears, wine, food, “prayer” or their to-do list.  They feel guilt or anxiety or disappointment and turn to Facebook or cleaning the kitchen.     

That’s not what I’m talking about.   I’m talking about really feeling it, accepting it, letting it go, and then picking new thoughts and feelings.   

That’s where the power is. 

I am offering all amazing women who want to learn this same power, a free mini-coaching session.  Take 90 seconds and schedule it by clicking HERE.

You’ll learn about how to start having control over your emotions even when life isn’t how you thought it’d be.  DM me for details. 

P.S. My life is also 50% positive and THAT 50% is also not how I thought it would be. Ten years ago I didn’t imagine starting my own business, working from home, having flexible hours, being a dream dog mom, traveling with my husband, and coaching amazing women across the country. Even the thought “it’s not how I thought it’d be” goes both ways!

How To Stop The Worry Spiral

How To Stop the Worry Spiral

Have you ever found yourself down a worry spiral?

The one where it starts with just one thought and pretty soon, your mind has spent about 10 minutes of energy imagining all the other worst case scenarios?  

Me too.  

If you’re like me, though, sometimes you are in the spiral and you feel sucked in.  It’s like your comfort zone.  It feels so much better to worry about something you can’t control, right?

Wrong.  Friend – I can NOT begin to emphasize all the effects of those 10 minutes.  

It creates stress in your brain and on your body.  It is taking up 10 minutes of your life that you will never have back.  It creates negative energy that sticks around and shows up later.  It literally creates a physical response in your body like a tense head, shoulder, neck, & heart.  And when you don’t like the stress & the worry, your body decides to it wants sugar, alcohol, or social media to distract you.  

Which only creates a greater, negative net effect on you and your body.  

So what do we do?

  1. Connect with your body.

Really pay attention to it.  You can do this with yoga, mindfulness, or my 5 to 5.  Take 5 long seconds to observe your 5 senses.  Then check in with your body and how it feels.

2. Transform the worry into wisdom. 

I have a guide with 4 questions that take you from worry to wisdom.  You can get your free copy by emailing me.  (nataliewilsoncoaching@gmail.com)

3. Get your mind in shape. 

Start learning how to have mind & emotional fitness just like you need physical & spiritual fitness.

It’s so important for us to take care of ourselves and not with bubble baths and a candle – although those can be rewards and help create relaxing environments.  You have to take care of the small things.  The small 10 minute worry spirals.  Start today & let me know what you think.  

Right now, for the month of October only, I’m offering my free New Year’s Workshop: Live By Design to any new clients.  This online workshop is valued at $150 and will be scheduled early January.  Make sure to sign up this month! 

XO – Natalie

Fighting The Fear

A previous client of mine wrote this to me today and it was so good, I had to share…

‘Whoa!!!!! I’m fighting the fear today. All the reasons why it won’t work are sitting at the bottom of my stomach!! I woke up so nervous that I don’t know what I’m doing!

What a trip to listen to you and Brooke tell me I was going to fight this and not want to “leave the cave” “make excuses because I think it may harm me.” Thank goodness I was warned about all of these feelings!

It’s so helpful knowing it’s normal and that even though I’m feeling all that nothing is more damaging than not doing it!! I haven’t quite turned off the voices shaming me yet, but I’m determined to not let them stop me. Thinking of you and your brave leap…’

Pretty freaking awesome, right? On so many levels! She is GOING for a dream of hers. She is fighting the fear AND she knows this is totally normal. It does not mean retreat and run for the hills.

My favorite part is when she says “I’m determined to not let them stop me.” Boom.

What if you believed that? With whatever it is that is your goal. Weight, finances, career, relationship dreams. I am determined to not let them stop me.

Fight the fear.

Stop Fear – Using ‘What If’ To Help

Our brains are wired to keep us safe.  When we have to make a decision, it pops up with a lot of questions.  

What if it doesn’t work out?  What if I fail?  What if no one likes it?  What if I can’t do it?  

90% of our fears are tied in these negative imaginative scenarios.  

We never are asking “what if that bear eats me?”  “what if I can’t find food tonight for dinner?”  “what if my pack leaves and I get eaten by wolves?”  

Those are the questions your brain is created to ask to cause fear to cause you to fight or flight.  Thank you, Lord.  I don’t want to be eaten by bears. Or wolves.

But do you you see what is happening?  90% of your fears are a result of poor management of the mind.  

Fear – real fear – isn’t keeping you back, your mind is.  

Those What If Scenarios as they are happening right now aren’t helping you AT ALL.  

The first step to start flipping that pattern is that you must become aware of the thought patterns tied to your worry, fear, and anxiety.  That’s the first few weeks of work I do with my clients.  

Once you start becoming aware of how your thought patterns are interrupting your goals and forward action, the second step is you start learning to replace the thoughts. 

We switch the negative What If Scenarios for positive ones.  

What if I nail it?  What if I win?  What if I lose the weight? What if I hit my goal?  What if I love it?  What if everyone loves it?  What if it’s the best thing I’ve ever done?

Those will actually serve you.  They’ll inspire you. Inspire you to work, to try, to create, and to live.  

Those questions help you create what is possible instead of shutting down and staying stuck. 

For some thoughts, flipping them is just like flipping a switch.   For others, it takes time to create that new pattern.  

Either way, it’s worth it.  It’s worth the time and effort to stop living stuck and in fear and start living with inspiration.  

So friends, following up what I wrote yesterday – What if I went ALL IN?  I challenge you to start using What If Scenarios to serve you!