Challenge: What Would Your Future Self Say to You?

We often see people writing letters to their 10, 13, 19 year old self, but how often do we consider what our future self would say to us right now? 

I’m about to go to my coaching Mastermind, and they keep encouraging us to show up as our future self.  

This is not to make us feel bad about who we are now, but to challenge us to really think about WHO we want to BECOME. 

So who do I want to be a year from now?  Hmmm.

Let’s be honest. If we’re not growing, we’re just stagnant.  We’re not becoming a different or better version.  

But guess what?  Time is going to pass by.  You will be a year older September 11, 2020 if nothing else. 

You can either have the exact same life with the exact same routine, or you can update your version.  

You can either have an updated version that was given to you by life’s circumstances and the people in your life (and you accepted).

Or you can have an updated version that you intentionally chose.  

Either way. Your Future Self is coming.  

Who do you want to be a year from now?  

Here’s a great way to think about it. Write a letter as that person to you.  

To help you out, here is part of my letter from my future self:

Natalie – You are changing lives.  Don’t ever forget that is why you are doing this.  You want to help more women be the heroes of their own life.  For them to believe they can be the leading lady, not the best friend.  For them to let go of all the worry and people pleasing and rule-following that keeps them in a prison. For them to step out of the shadows with a strong voice. They can find love, value, and acceptance within themselves and then use it to create a career they want, a relationship they want, and friendships they want.  

Be secure and rock it.  

Go with your gut.  Always.  It’s a gift you have and it won’t lead you astray.  

Most of all realize that ‘there’ is not better than ‘right now’, but you will have evolved to become stronger, more loving, and a more involved human.  You will have created a life that will leave you skidding into heaven, which is what you want! 

Last, be full of gratitude every step of the way.  Be grateful for the Lord, for Darin, for your family, your choices, your mental health, your clients, and for you.

You did it.  You stepped out of the boat.  You stopped being a wallflower.  You shined your light for others to follow.  Way to go.  

XO – Natalie, Sept 2020

Alright y’all. It’s your turn. Who do you want to become? And what would that woman say to you right now? I’d love to hear from you and your future self!

Living The Dream-It IS POSSIBLE

Anyone else have adult meltdowns?  No, me neither.

 
In 2012, at the age of 34, I bought my first townhome.  I had to borrow $5,000 from my parents and took out a teacher loan to afford the down payment.    

When I sat down to sign the 800 documents, I saw a much larger amount than I expected as my monthly mortgage payment.  How was I going to pay for that on my teacher salary?

 
The tears sprang up and started spilling down my cheek.  The lawyer and my realtor (both male and single) had NO idea what to do.  The tears just flowed as they passed me a tissue box.  Bahahaha!  Bless. 


Thankfully about 5 minutes later one of my greatest friends showed up to support me with a bottle of champagne and a smile.  She had bought her first condo as a result of a divorce and knew exactly what I was going through.  


How had my life ended up here?  How was I 34 and single and almost no money and hating my job and having a meltdown in front of two male lawyers?  


That’s a long story, so I’ll skip to the ending.  


I found a book by a life coach that changed my life.  Then I took massive action and did the work and prayed and meditated on verses and things that created joy in my life.  


Then I finally got the memo that I was worth a 10 (we all are) so I needed to find a 10 husband.  Enter Darin.  Then I decided I wanted to pursue coaching teachers. Got that. Then pursue helping kids with their emotional and mental health.  Did that.  


Sold two homes in between (one of which paid for my wedding).


Now, 7 years later, I just turned in my resignation at the school that I LOVE and a job that I LOVED to pursue a calling that I LOVE. 


Life Coaching.  Because life coaching is what started this whole thing and the coaching that Brooke Castillo teaches lit my life and my husband’s life on fire.  


I took the leap, but knowing that I have my own back.  It’s scary and exciting and all the things.  My brain has argued and doubted and celebrated and committed.  


I am living my dream come true of being a full-time life coach where I get to impact lives in a whole new way.  


What I want you to know is that it is ALL POSSIBLE.  Nothing you can imagine is impossible.  
Weight loss.  Better relationships.  A job you love.  The finances you want.  Confidence.  


It is ALL POSSIBLE.  You just have to commit to doing the work.  It’s not an overnight solution, but you didn’t get to where you are overnight either. 


It is ALL POSSIBLE.  

Going All In – A Strategy “Willing To Lose”

So I honestly am making up the name of this strategy.  If you read this and can come up with a better name, by all means, let me know.  Until then, I’m naming it “Willing To Lose”.  

My coach has this great example of proving whether or not her clients are believing that they are really going to make their goal happen, that they are 100% all in.  

Let’s go with a weight goal – losing 6 lbs this month.  Just a tad outside my comfort zone but not ridiculously out of the question.  

I’m going to have the belief: Oh, yeah, I’m going to lose 6 lbs this month.  No problem.  

My actions are that I’m eating bread once a week, no sugar, and exercising twice a week.  

And after two weeks, I only lose two pounds.  

I start panicking or thinking I’m doing something wrong or wasting my time.  

At this point, I’m completely doubting whether or not I’m going to hit my goal.  

My coach will say to me – are you willing to pay me $10,000 if you don’t hit your goal?  

And because I’m doubting, I’m not willing to lose $10,000 so I am going to say ‘HAIL’ no.  

I’m not really all in.  I’m full of doubt and fear, not determination and focus.  

Do you see this?

A person who is ALL IN is going to say – yes.  I am going to to do whatever it takes to lose the other four pounds.  This is possible.  It is happening.  I can say yes I’ll pay you because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am going to show up for myself.  I am going to make it happen.  I am not willing to lose.

What is your goal?  Like a specific real goal.  

Are you willing to pay me $10,000 if you don’t hit it? Don’t play not to lose. Play to win.

Going All In – Chunking Your Life

When I started planning my wedding, I had no wedding planner, a mom who knew nothing about planning weddings, and no time.  I had just started a new job shortly before I got engaged to add fuel to the fire.  

Then we decided to sell my town home so I could have money to pay for the wedding.  So now I was planning a wedding, learning my new position, selling a home, and looking for a new one.  

If you’ve ever done any of these, you know they all take time and massive action.  Oh, and we were for sale by owner.  We were taking lots and lots of action.

How did I do it all almost by myself without having a nervous breakdown or failing everyone involved?  I learned to chunk my to-do list, and I became a master of my schedule.  

I didn’t just say I had no time or I was overwhelmed or it wasn’t fair.  I mean all of this was great stuff happening. 

It was easier to stay in the positive frame of mind, for sure.  But that didn’t make the work go away.  

Chunking was my plan.  For everything.  Selling my home by mid October when I got engaged Labor Day?  I spent every weekend for four weeks in a row going through each room in my house, clearing out the mess, cleaning, and staging.

Once it was sold (first day on the market for full asking price), I spent the next three and half weeks (he was paying cash), packing systematically doing the same process.  Each room had boxes, Sharpies, packing tape & paper, and all boxed and ready for when the movers came.  

Some of you might think well it’s easy when it’s selling a house and planning a wedding, but I want you to think about that. 

How many brides become Bridezillas because they are stressed and overwhelmed?  How many people never move because they don’t want to go through the process no matter how much they could make?  It’s just “too much trouble”.  

These tasks can seem overwhelming if you think they are overwhelming. When you think it’s all doable, your brain comes up with a way to do it all. It’s the way your brain works.

Chunking is a fabulous strategy to use when going all in.  It makes it seem doable.  Because it is doable.  You chunk it and then you do the small chunks.  

And if all of that doesn’t convince you to try chunking, think about the saying.  You know the one.  How do you eat an elephant?  One bite at a time.  

I actually don’t understand how this became a thing since no one I know eats elephant, thank the Lawd.  But I do know it’s a thing.  So think about it.  One bite at a time. 🙂

How To Go All In – A Strategy

How is it possible to go all in when you want to, but you also really don’t want to? 

Like, you want to go all in with your workout routine, but you’re not.  You keep skipping the gym and hanging out with your dogs instead.  

Or you want to go all in with organizing your house, but you’re not.  You keep scrolling through Facebook and watching Marie Kondo on Netflix.  (Which is at least on the subject of organizing)

For teens, it could be getting straight A’s or getting on the dance team or getting extra money to buy more Pops or Adidas shoes that they otherwise would not be allowed to buy.  

Whatever it is, let’s go all in.  This is how.

Step 1 – Be specific

Like real specific.  I’m working out 5 times every week for this month.  I’m cleaning out the kitchen pantry by Friday.  I’m getting an A on all tests this quarter.  I’m making $100 this week to buy my Abraham Lincoln Pop. 

Write it down. 

Step 2 – Write down your excuses

Write down ALL of your excuses and doubts that are going to come up and then what you’ll need to tell your brain.  You’re the boss of your brain.  So I need for you to act like a boss. 

Example: I’m going to be tired from not sleeping because of our broken A/C so I may skip working out those days it’s broken (excuse).  No, you are going to the freaking gym.  I will have more energy during the day and be able to sleep better that night (Brain Boss talking)

Other excuses: I don’t have time; I am so tired; the kids need me to stay home; my husband won’t feel loved; I need to do more at home (and less for me).

Step 3 – Don’t judge your excuses.

Seriously.  Don’t do it.  Just be like ‘oh, that’s my self-doubt.  That’s my excuse to get out of it.  It’s kinda like my teen who is telling me she has a sore throat when in reality she has a math test.’  See?  It’s just doing it’s job.  Be like ‘good job, brain’. 

And then do what you committed to doing anyway.   

Step 4 – Reflect on your mind AND your action.  

Ask yourself what worked, what didn’t work, what would I do differently at the end of each day with both your thought work AND your actions.  Your mind is the gas fueling your actions so you need to take a look at that too.  You don’t want to be ignoring the fact that you’re putting some cheap stuff into the actions and that’s what is really causing the poor results, right?  No.  Once you know it’s the cheap gas from the unmarked gas station down the street that has shady characters hanging around all the time causing your car to leap forward in the middle of traffic for no apparent reason, you’re going to look for the next fancy BP to fill your car up with.  Same with your mind.  Reflect on your mind and actions.  

And that is it, friends.  Actually DO this work. When I say ‘write’, I mean write. it. out.  What we want to do is just do it in our minds and count it like we did it.  I know this because I do this ALL the time.  But this is like building a muscle. Your mental muscle of going all in.  So in order to build it up, you must exercise it.  

This is your work. The how. 

Go all in.  

This Is Who I AM

Stop thinking “This Is Who I Am”.

Start thinking “Who Do I Want To Become?”  

I heard these words from a 17 year old motivational millionaire.

You see he used to believe he was not confident and couldn’t speak in front of people.  He just got paid $60,000 to speak for an hour in front of thousands of people. 

But more importantly, he says that numerous people have told him after a speech that they had been thinking about suicide and because of his speech, they were no longer going to kill themselves. 

Caleb said – If I had just said “I am not a speaker.  I am not a confident person” and never became the confident speaker I am, those people might have taken their lives.  

He wasn’t okay with just saying “This is who I am.”  

These are ones I’ve heard from friends & family lately.  These are who you just BELIEVE you are.  It’s not actually a fact.  Which means you can change your belief. 

“I am just a control freak.”“I am a people pleaser.”“I am a late person.”“I am an introvert.”“I am a 3 on the Enneagram.”“I just like food.”“I am busy.”“I am not disciplined.”“I am just an anxious person.”“I am just laid-back.”“I don’t really have goals.”“I don’t belong.”

This is a fixed mindset.  A static mindset.  A static, fixed person doesn’t change or grow.  

A growth mindset starts working on changing their mind. To change their life.

  •  “I can learn to let go of control.  I can let go of control.  I don’t have to have control.”  
  • “It’s possible to like food and say no to a brownie.  I can say no to a brownie.  I want to say no to a brownie.  I will say no.”
  • “I can learn to be on time.  I can be on time.  I will do everything I can to be on time.  I am on time.”  

What I just shared with you is a tool called Ladder Thoughts that I teach my clients to use to grow from one belief to another.  You baby step your way to a new belief.  

However, ladder thoughts don’t just magically give you a new mindset.  

You have to PRACTICE believing each one.  Writing them, listening to them, reading them, visualizing them, saying them to yourself.  Every day.  

This is unbelievable make-your-life-better-and-grow gold!!

Questions to ask yourself (Caleb’s), ladder thoughts, and how to practice it.  

Friends – Start doing these three things today! Let me know if you have any questions I can help answer!

XO – Natalie