What are you making “single” mean?

A client of mine told me she got really mad at her dad for saying to his friends that she hadn’t settled down yet.

The thing is.  She hasn’t settled down.  She is single.  (She laughed when I pointed this out to her.)

This is a fact, not an opinion, not a judgement.

But I know there’s a lot of judgement behind that word ‘single’.  

You know whose it is?  Yours.  

What do you make single mean about you?

I know I used to think I was missing out.  I didn’t belong in the married club.  I’m doing things wrong.  There must be something wrong with me if I’m still single.  I’m a loser in this game.

So much judgement.  So much dislike.  So much of me not accepting me for who I was. Single.

What do you make it mean about God?

You’ve been forgotten. He doesn’t care.  He is punishing you.  He’s not trustworthy.  He’s got it all wrong.  

So much judgement.  So much dislike.  How can these thoughts ever serve you?

Right now, you think that you will stop beating yourself up and disliking parts of you when you get married. Changing a circumstance won’t make you stop judging or disliking yourself.  Getting married won’t change those deep rooted beliefs about who you are and who God is.  Those are thoughts that you have believed over and over again.  

You don’t HAVE to believe that about yourself or God.  

It might seem like it’s just what you think, but thoughts are optional.  You get to choose them the same way you choose your clothes.  

You could choose to make it mean nothing about you or God.  Maybe it’s just what it is. You are single.  You will be married one day.  Done.  

One is tearing yourself down and one is allowing you to live without pressure, judgement, and dislike.  

Let your mind choose other drama to dwell on.  Get mad at your dad for something else.  I’m sure there are other things!

Most of all – start choosing to accept & love who you are right now – single – & think the best about yourself.  Always.

Waiting on God for a Husband

Are you waiting on God for a husband?

The thing is love IS romance/God/timing.

AND it’s what you do.

I kept waiting on God. I would go between blaming him for being alone, doubting if it was in the cards for me, and saying I was trusting him.

This belief kept me stuck. I didn’t take ownership for my part. There was no awareness for what I was doing and not doing. And if there was no awareness, there wasn’t a way for me to take responsibility and change.

We don’t wait on God for a job. We send resumes and network.

We don’t wait on God to lose weight. We take responsibility for our actions and we eat less sugar. I finally realized I was using God as an excuse for not taking the hard look at myself.

Taking responsibility and making changes in my love life was a lot harder than my blaming/trusting God.

But it was totally worth it.

Because when I did, I started unwinding toxic dating patterns. I started seeing how indecisive I was. I started discovering and attracting the right men for me. (And I met my husband!)

This is the work I get to share with my clients. It’s empowering and life giving and love finding. It can be yours too.

Go to the Work With Me page to get started.