What To Do About Ghosting

Alright y’all.  Ghosting is a thing.

People – friends, co-workers, guys…choose to not text you, DM you, or call you back. 

Some of us…like me…can automatically think…

  • They don’t like me anymore.
  • They don’t care. 
  • I said something wrong.

Or some version.  Am I Right?

So here are four really good tips to help you get out of that ghosting drama your mind likes to play.

  1. Decide if you want to give them a 24-48 hour, even a week, window.  If you do, then you’ll text/call them again short and sweet.  Easy breezy.  “Hey! What’s going on with you?” The shorter, the better.
  2. Decide what you want to make it mean if they don’t respond.  You could make it mean all the things I mentioned earlier – they don’t like me, I got rejected again, I said something wrong…or you can make it mean – they’re busy; they don’t like their own life; they’re not my person.  And I want to find my person.
  3. Decide what YOU want.  Do you want a friend who doesn’t remember you except when she needs something?   Do you want a guy who doesn’t text back and doesn’t want to hang out with you?  So often, we get caught up thinking about the “rejection” that we forget what we want.  Oh yeah, I don’t want that kind of guy or friend anyway.  (Doesn’t mean you hate them, just means you realize they’re not for you right now)
  4. Recognize your part & recognize them ignoring you is not emotionally healthy. Decide how you would do things differently, if you don’t like how you acted, and learn from it. That’s an emotionally healthy adult.
  5. Have gratitude.  Yep, this is like you’ve reached the summit.  To be able to see it as a blessing.  That person isn’t supposed to be in your life right now, and that’s ok.  You can be grateful that it is opening up a spot for the person that is. 

When someone doesn’t reply back, review these five tips.  It will help you get out of that mind drama.  

Spoiler Alert: Love is a Head Thing

When I was in high school, one of my best friends – Cherina – told me that love is a decision.  I forget what guy she and I were talking about and even if it was her guy or mine, but I’ve never forgotten those words.

I also remember her telling me I needed to start waxing my eyebrows. 

Guess which advice I took and applied in my life for the next 20 years?

Yep, the eyebrows. 

What I would pay to rewind and apply the other piece of advice!

Because ultimately, waxing my eyebrows I’m sure contributed to all the guys that asked me out over the course of my dating experiences,  but it was the other advice that I finally started applying in my life that turned my dating experiences to dating to marry.

When I finally found life coaching, I learned that love – the kind that lasts a lifetime – is a head thing.  

All those years,  I knew that (remember Cherina?).  But I didn’t apply it to my own dating experiences.  I didn’t actually learn it for myself.

So what does that whole “love is a head thing” actually mean? 

Relationships are simply your thoughts about another person.  

Your thoughts about them will depend on your expectations of them and how well they meet those expectations.  

Marriage is a relationship.   Dating and love is a relationship.  So therefore marriage, dating, & love are simply your thoughts about the other person.

The problem is that we have 60,000-70,000 thoughts a day. 90% of those we are not even aware of (sub-conscious).

So we’re talking about 54,000 thoughts – that you are not even aware of – that are running the love show!  

Are you picking up what I’m putting down?!!

These thoughts are part of your belief system – that started as a toddler when someone had a bad day and didn’t want to hug you – and it becomes the manual for your life.  

Most of us never stop to question how those beliefs are impacting our life – especially our love life. 

Most of us never stop to question what it’s costing us to keep those thoughts.  

I know I didn’t. Not until I found life coaching.  That’s when I started learning for myself what my thoughts were costing me.   

It was costing me love.  It was costing me years of being with my husband. It was costing me the children I wanted.  

So I did something about them.  I went to work.  With my head.

I now teach clients a 5 step process on how to date to marry – using their head. Cuz frankly, the eyebrow waxing didn’t work. (Nor the high heels or online profile pic or….)

Love is a head thing.  

I Am Here

I am here.  

I am here to admire the blue skies.   

I am here to breathe using my healthy lungs.

I am here to savor clean drinking water.   

I am here to experience the anxiety when I go to the store.

I am here to create fun memories cooking with my husband.

I am here to help my clients. 

I am here to wonder what will happen to my parents, my family, my future.

I am here to imagine all the creativity and innovation and love that will transpire from this.

I am here to fear.

I am here to love.

I am here.

I will not stop living ahead of time.  

I will take all of it.  Because I am here.   

Thankful you are here with me too.

Stay healthy & be love,

Natalie

P.S. I am grateful for you.  For you reading this.   For your heart.  Your fears.  Your life.  You are here.  Right now.  Don’t miss all this life has to offer.  

The single step that moved me out of stuck & into forward

Everyone has a story.

Nicole grew up with an emotional roller coaster of a family that had poor communication. She had few friends & never learned real connection. She had her heart broken by a man she thought she’d marry. She kept trying to find her place in the world with a guy or career, but nothing worked. All her friends moved on without her. She could barely afford her rent & food each month.

Wendy had a better life. Her family lived comfortably and traveled all over the world. They were told how close they all were all the time. She was extremely smart and was placed in advanced classes through college. She had a line of guys calling and asking her out well into her 30s. Everywhere she went, people loved being around her. She went on to get a graduate degree, be a master of her craft, & win awards. Wendy became a leader in her field and bought a home in one of the nicest areas of her city.

Why is it that Wendy had such a great life and Nicole didn’t? Especially when they’re the same person. Yep. Nicole and Wendy are me. NW.

Each story is true. But only one helped me move forward in life.

We all have stories were telling ourselves all day long. The way authors can’t describe everything that happens to a hero changes the kind of story it is. It determines if it’s a comedy, tragedy, romance, or adventure.

If we’re all telling ourselves stories all day, then why don’t we tell the story we want to tell? Why not tell the story that fuels us forward?

This might seem like Positive Polly to you. It’s not. I’m not asking you to deny the other story. (If you focused on the negative ones, wouldn’t you be denying the positive?)

Neither story is the absolute truth but only one actually helps you.

So now what?

I want you to story tell.

Tell the story in which you, the hero, is a problem solver rather than a victim.

Imagine what Oprah could tell about her life. One that she was poor and treated poorly because of her race, or the one she makes millions and is a global star & influencer. One will keep her believing she is a victim and the other one will keep her believing she can do what she says she can do.

Here’s what you can do.

  1. Write a timeline of major events in your life.
  2. Read it & decide if it’s a positive or negative story.
  3. Rewrite it as you’re the victim, the damsel in distress, the poor soul.
  4. Rewrite it as a comedy and full of humor and laughter.
  5. Rewrite it as an adventure and you are the Wonder Woman.

You’ll see the power as you do it. Trust me. This storytelling is an effective therapeutic step to your mental and emotional freedom, personal power, and mastery of circumstances.

When I did it, I could see that I was choosing to see my circumstances as if I was a victim instead of being the hero. I saw that just by choosing to tell myself a different story, I could live a different story. Hope & freedom & grit sprouted. And I started being the kind of woman I wanted to see as the main character in my life. The hero.

And if you’re like me, you’ll also realize you’ve had the power all along, my dear. You just had to see it for yourself. (Glenda the Good Witch, Wizard of Oz)

“Most people think they’ll believe in their own potential for success when they see I; the truth is, you’ll see it the very instant you decide to believe it.” – Martha Beck.

(This exercise was originally given to me by Martha Beck, life coach extraordinaire.)

How To Stop The Worry Spiral

How To Stop the Worry Spiral

Have you ever found yourself down a worry spiral?

The one where it starts with just one thought and pretty soon, your mind has spent about 10 minutes of energy imagining all the other worst case scenarios?  

Me too.  

If you’re like me, though, sometimes you are in the spiral and you feel sucked in.  It’s like your comfort zone.  It feels so much better to worry about something you can’t control, right?

Wrong.  Friend – I can NOT begin to emphasize all the effects of those 10 minutes.  

It creates stress in your brain and on your body.  It is taking up 10 minutes of your life that you will never have back.  It creates negative energy that sticks around and shows up later.  It literally creates a physical response in your body like a tense head, shoulder, neck, & heart.  And when you don’t like the stress & the worry, your body decides to it wants sugar, alcohol, or social media to distract you.  

Which only creates a greater, negative net effect on you and your body.  

So what do we do?

  1. Connect with your body.

Really pay attention to it.  You can do this with yoga, mindfulness, or my 5 to 5.  Take 5 long seconds to observe your 5 senses.  Then check in with your body and how it feels.

2. Transform the worry into wisdom. 

I have a guide with 4 questions that take you from worry to wisdom.  You can get your free copy by emailing me.  (nataliewilsoncoaching@gmail.com)

3. Get your mind in shape. 

Start learning how to have mind & emotional fitness just like you need physical & spiritual fitness.

It’s so important for us to take care of ourselves and not with bubble baths and a candle – although those can be rewards and help create relaxing environments.  You have to take care of the small things.  The small 10 minute worry spirals.  Start today & let me know what you think.  

Right now, for the month of October only, I’m offering my free New Year’s Workshop: Live By Design to any new clients.  This online workshop is valued at $150 and will be scheduled early January.  Make sure to sign up this month! 

XO – Natalie

How To Tell Someone They Smell (When You’re a Nice Girl)

*This is an actual problem a client had.  No judgement! 

This is a legit problem to have, friends.  Either you are the one who smells or someone you know smells.  

Perhaps they don’t use deodorant for skin care purposes.  Perhaps they use one that isn’t strong enough to mask the bacteria.  Or perhaps they don’t care.  No matter what, they smell.  

So what’s a nice girl like you to do?  

You don’t like making people feel awkward or unliked.  You don’t want to hurt her feelings, right?  

So you either keep suffering around said smelly person, or you strap on your big girl boots and you…say something.  

How Do You Say Something?

First, you need to recognize that every person is responsible for their own emotions.  You are never in charge of someone else’s happiness, sadness, embarrassment, anger, etc.  

Second,  recognize you’re only responsible for your thoughts, emotions, and actions.  That’s all you get to control.  

Next, ask yourself what is the result you are wanting?  Obviously it is for her to not smell, but dig a little deeper. 

Is it to preserve the relationship?  Is it to protect her and let her know that her smell is being talked about?  Is it to help yourself so you can breathe around this person?

Once you know the outcome you want for yourself and for her, then decide what would you need to say (and not say) in order to get that result.  

How do you want to feel when you say it?  Loving, judgey, helpful, curious?  

Then ask yourself what thought would help me feel that way as I start the conversation?

And then practice that.  Practice thinking that thought, feeling that feeling, and saying what you would say to them.

When you say it, remember that if she is an adult, she gets to choose if she wants to listen. She gets to choose if she receives it with appreciation or anger or embarrassment. She gets to choose her feelings and her actions. Your part is done.

This might seem like a long process the first few times – or the first few 100 times – but it’s how you learn to not to take responsibility for someone else’s feelings, and still communicate with both freedom & love.

So go ahead…tell her she smells. You can do it.  

Still need help? You’ve been engrained in being a nice girl for SO.MANY.YEARS? That’s the work we do in your coaching journey. What if you could learn these processes and lose the old thinking, doubt, and worry? What if it really was about your brain and not about you as a person or anyone else? What if you could do it in 12 weeks?

This month I’m offering a 12 week program where we dig into this and make it happen. You will finally be able to communicate with confidence, say no, be able to turn people down and still maintain being a “nice” woman. If you buy in October, you’ll also get your free bonus access to my New Years Workshop: Making It Happen in 2020.

It’s Breaking The Nice Girl Rules: How To Get a Life You Want Without Becoming a Woman You Hate.

Email me – nataliewilsoncoaching@gmail.com and let’s get to work.  

How To Self-Love Without Being Self-ish

My therapist told me something 15 years ago that I will never forget.  

‘You have to love yourself before you can love your neighbor as yourself.’

Being totally honest. I was like – she’s a therapist.  She must not realize that’s super selfish.

(I wish I could say I was kidding.  I was half-kidding.  But I don’t think this anymore and blame it on my youthful ignorance.)

Seven years later.  Different therapist.

Me:  I don’t know what to do.  I feel so selfish for quitting, not going on the trip, breaking up with the guy, etc.  

After ignoring the first therapist, I spent years battling these questions.  

  • How do I love myself without being selfish?  
  • How do I love others without having to say yes to everything or while still standing up for myself?  
  • How do I love others without getting walked all over?  

I felt like I wasn’t a good Christian or loving them the way I was “called” to love if I didn’t sign up for every meal delivery, go out with every guy who asked, quit volunteering, or even not visiting my family as long as they wanted me to. 

So I lived miserably stressed, overwhelmed with emotions, & thinking I wouldn’t be loved if I didn’t do all of these things. 

It never hit me that I wasn’t loving myself. 

It was a cycle.  I didn’t love myself.  I would say yes, not out of love but out of the desire for them to love me and fill my void, and then I’d be miserable and mad.  And not love who I was.

The cycle began and ended with me.  

I didn’t love myself and then I ended up not loving myself.  It was a downward spiral that I had to pull myself up out of.

I had to start understanding what it meant to love me – first.  

What I have sense learned, and mostly through coaching, is this.

When I know how to unconditionally love and value myself, then I have the capacity to love and value others.  

Before I was just trying to love others out of obligation, rules, and the desire to be loved.  None of that is loving.

Self- love starts with awareness.  Followed by understanding, compassion, acceptance, value, empowerment and self-boundaries (saying no to the short-term gratification for the long-term success).  

Imagine if you did that for yourself every day. 

You were aware of your thoughts and feelings driving your behaviors.  You understood and showed compassion and acceptance for where you’re at.  You valued yourself no matter what.  You felt empowered to be confident and have self-boundaries in order to have success for yourself.  

Imagine a world where all of us did that.  

We’d have so much capacity to love others.  That’s truly what we’re called to do.

We’d be aware and understand them and their situations.  We’d show compassion and acceptance no matter what.  We’d value them with all of their flaws.  And then we’d be empowered to make decisions and have boundaries with them to help them have success for themselves.  

It was true when my therapist said it 15 years ago and it’s true now.  

You have to love yourself before you can love your neighbor as yourself.  

If you have wondered these same things before...

If you have felt both walked over and selfish

If you have ever battled with these same questions

I have an amazing opportunity for you!

Twelve weeks.  We tackle all of this and so much more!  We get you to a place where you know how to get what you want without being selfish.  You stop being walked over.  You stop the stress, the emotional overwhelm, the anxiety, and the confusion.  

You start 2020 knowing how to be assertive, set boundaries, say no, create self-confidence, and have unconditional love for yourself and others.  

Imagine how that would change your relationships with your family, your partner, your friends, your co-workers, and your boss! 

Imagine how you would grow as a leader in your career and personally. 

It’s my first time offering this program – Stop Getting Walked All Over: How To Get What You Want Without Being Selfish, so I have an extra bonus for you.

Buy in October and you’ll get your free bonus invite to my 2020: Making It Happen – New Year’s Workshop in January, valued at $150.

I’m so excited for you and what can be done when you start learning how to get what you want, how to love yourself, and not be selfish!

Message me to set up the free consult call and get all the details. nataliewilsoncoaching@gmail.com

It’s The Hard That Makes Things Good

What’s hard for you, friend?  

I don’t want to sound insensitive, but a lot of what we think is hard is just our minds annoyed by our daily life.  Our minds default to our jobs, being a mom, dating.  

But is it really hard or do we just automatically feel that way because we don’t want to do it? 

Our minds like to automatically complain, find the negative, and be safe even when it’s actually not that hard.  Our minds can even take things that are BORING and convince us that they’re HARD.  

What is it that pushes you outside your comfort zone hard?  Pushes you to become a better version of yourself?  

The “this feels scary as sh&*” and “I don’t know if I can do this” hard.  

It could be for some of us that it is a loved one getting an illness.  It could be getting married, dating, having a kid, or birthing a business.  

Or it could just be as simple as allowing yourself to dream.  Or committing to 3 times a week of real exercise.  

Tom Hanks says “It’s the hard that makes things good” in A League Of Their Own and it rings true in real life, not just on the field.  

I want to encourage you with that today.

Whatever you think is hard, find how it’s good.  Find how it’s pushing you to be the next best version of yourself.  

And when you know it’s hard and it’s pushing you to grow, tell yourself what I tell myself. “I can do hard things.”

Because then it’s not just “hard”.  Then it becomes “good”.  

A Quick Way To Win In Life

In my sessions with clients, often they are filled with all the things they are getting wrong in life.  Can you relate?

I know I do!  I come to my coach with all the things that I think I need “fixing”.  I have a list.

But I want to stop us all this week and I want us to do something every single day.  

I mean it.  Every day.  

Right before you go to sleep, perhaps when you’re brushing your teeth or getting that glass of water, I want you to think about all the things you did “Right” that day.  

Then write it down.  Our brains LOVE it when we write things down.  It helps us see our thinking.  

So right it down.  (See what I did there?)

I got to work on time.  I called my mom.  I ate a salad at lunch.  I did what I said I was going to do and I went for a run.  

Sometimes it might just be that you moved the clothes from the washer to the dryer on the same day.  #winning 

But get that stuff down.  Tell yourself you are doing a good job.  

It’s so easy for us focus on what we’re doing wrong, instead of what we’re doing right. 

So give yourself a high-five.  And give yourself more love this week.  You’ll be surprised how it helps you grow just as much. 

When you love yourself unconditionally, it spills over into unconditionally loving others.  

This is self-love, ya’ll.  And others love.  And unconditional love.  

It’s the “right” kind of love. 

Remember.  You’re doing a good job.  I promise.  

Much love,
Natalie

P.S. If you have ever felt like a doormat, a wallflower, “too nice”, taken advantage of, shy, or felt like you apologize too much, will you take this quick survey for me?  Click Here It’s two questions and should take 2 minutes.  Thanks!!

P.P.S.  This week, my clients and I are spending time looking at how we are creating the results we want in our life.  They will walk away with actionable steps that help them build more wins.  If you keep reading these and wondering if you could do this, the answer is yes!  You can!  I wondered too.  And I’m so glad I took a chance on myself. Email me now at nataliewilsoncoaching@gmail.com and let’s set up a time to chat about the things you want to create in your life.  

Challenge: What Would Your Future Self Say to You?

We often see people writing letters to their 10, 13, 19 year old self, but how often do we consider what our future self would say to us right now? 

I’m about to go to my coaching Mastermind, and they keep encouraging us to show up as our future self.  

This is not to make us feel bad about who we are now, but to challenge us to really think about WHO we want to BECOME. 

So who do I want to be a year from now?  Hmmm.

Let’s be honest. If we’re not growing, we’re just stagnant.  We’re not becoming a different or better version.  

But guess what?  Time is going to pass by.  You will be a year older September 11, 2020 if nothing else. 

You can either have the exact same life with the exact same routine, or you can update your version.  

You can either have an updated version that was given to you by life’s circumstances and the people in your life (and you accepted).

Or you can have an updated version that you intentionally chose.  

Either way. Your Future Self is coming.  

Who do you want to be a year from now?  

Here’s a great way to think about it. Write a letter as that person to you.  

To help you out, here is part of my letter from my future self:

Natalie – You are changing lives.  Don’t ever forget that is why you are doing this.  You want to help more women be the heroes of their own life.  For them to believe they can be the leading lady, not the best friend.  For them to let go of all the worry and people pleasing and rule-following that keeps them in a prison. For them to step out of the shadows with a strong voice. They can find love, value, and acceptance within themselves and then use it to create a career they want, a relationship they want, and friendships they want.  

Be secure and rock it.  

Go with your gut.  Always.  It’s a gift you have and it won’t lead you astray.  

Most of all realize that ‘there’ is not better than ‘right now’, but you will have evolved to become stronger, more loving, and a more involved human.  You will have created a life that will leave you skidding into heaven, which is what you want! 

Last, be full of gratitude every step of the way.  Be grateful for the Lord, for Darin, for your family, your choices, your mental health, your clients, and for you.

You did it.  You stepped out of the boat.  You stopped being a wallflower.  You shined your light for others to follow.  Way to go.  

XO – Natalie, Sept 2020

Alright y’all. It’s your turn. Who do you want to become? And what would that woman say to you right now? I’d love to hear from you and your future self!