Caught Between Doing Good and Being Ambitious

Raise your hand if you’ve ever felt caught between two good things when trying to make a decision. 

I know I’m not the only one.   

  • We’re not sure what to do in our relationships. (Do we break up or do we stay because they are a good person?)
  • We’re not sure what to do for our careers.
  • We’re super confused over what to eat since there are 8,000 diets out there.  
  • We’re definitely confused about how to solve even the smallest of problems.

And this is worse for those of us who are the smart, sensitive souls that want to do good in the world and want to reach for the stars, live out our dreams, and make an impact in the world. We feel off balance and caught between doing good and being ambitious.

What I have learned and what I teach my clients is this.  

Ambition doesn’t mean you have to be selfish.  

Doing good doesn’t mean you ignore who you are and you say yes to everything and everybody.  

But we let our brains believe that these two things are separate.  We let our brains stay in confusion.  

What happens when we’re confused?  The worst thing is that we waste time getting to the dreams, goals and the good we want to see in the world.

We are literally keeping ourselves from doing the good and reaching for the stars because we stay stuck in confusion.    

I was confused.  I was confused on my “niche”.  My people. 

The great thing I did, though, which I also teach my clients, is that I took action even when I was confused.  I tried out weight loss for teachers.  Then teacher burnout.  Then teen girls.  

Each one of them was almost there, but not quite.  And when I would let myself be confused, I wasted the time I could have helped more women make amazing life changes.

Who I have worked with the most and have had the greatest results are the smart, sensitive high-achieving women (and teen girls) who hold back because of their self-doubt, self-critical thoughts, worry, perfectionism, and emotions.  

The ones people say “she’s just too sensitive”.  She takes things personally.  She feels guilty a lot.  She worries a lot about others.  She doesn’t like to have attention.  She doesn’t like to be the center of attention.  She agrees with everyone.  

These women – and teen girls – dim their light.  They cover their sensitive, hard-working, big-dreaming souls in order to make sure all around them are okay.  

But they’re not okay.  

They’re tired, frustrated, overwhelmed, confused, ignored, and empty.  

They want to speak up but they don’t know how.  

They believe they don’t deserve to be front and center.  

They don’t believe that a nice girl like them can get the corner office.  

Well, I’m here to tell them -THEY CAN.  

They can get their dreams, do-good, AND be the sensitive power that the world desperately needs.  

If you are tired, frustrated, overwhelmed, confused, ignored, and empty, are you showing up how you want to in the world?  Are you giving your best?  

I know I wasn’t.  

I did something about it.   

When nothing changes, nothing changes.  

Here’s your chance to change.  

DM me right now or email me at nataliewilsoncoaching@gmail.com and let’s start that change.  

It’s possible to get the corner office, get the guy, and still be the smart, sensitive soul doing good in the world.  

Be Front and Centered.  

If You Think There Is A Right Way, You Might Be Wrong

I remember telling my former principal in an interview that the most important thing I could teach a student is to always do the right thing.  

Seemed like such a virtuous, solid answer.  Boom.  Hire me.  He did.  

The problem with that, though, is a lot of different people believe they know what the “right” thing is and all of those people don’t often agree.  

For a student, their best friend might say one thing is right, their parent might say another, and their teacher can have a third opinion.  It’s not always black and white.  In fact, most of the time, it isn’t.  

But let’s take it personal. As a recovering perfectionist myself, I have actually made this belief – that I have to always do the right thing – a prison.  

It has kept me from taking action because if I didn’t know for sure it was the “right” thing, I wouldn’t do anything at all. I stayed miserable in a job for years because I didn’t know what the “right” next job for me was.

It’s also kept me from trusting my own decisions because I wanted validation from others that I was “right”.  (How do other people know what is right for me?!)

And what I’ve discovered lately is that this belief isn’t serving me to help me feel and be the kind of woman I want to be.  

If I have the belief ‘I have to always do the right thing’ then I will always be thinking ‘I am right’.  This shows up as righteousness and arrogance.  Ugh.

If I’m not thinking ‘I am right’, then I most likely am thinking ’I’m doing this all wrong’ which creates the feeling of inadequacy or not enough.  I feel like a total failure and before I know it, I’m actually failing at whatever I’m trying.  

Oh – and this is when we all love to mean girl ourselves. We beat ourselves up over doing the wrong thing. Or maybe even being the wrong person. (Whoah – did I strike a nerve with anyone else?)

This belief – as virtuous and solid as it might sound –  keeps me stuck.  It keeps me frozen.  Or in a self-sabotaging prison.  It might be doing the same for you.

This is what’s called a limiting belief.  Something that you believe deeply after years and years of thinking and believing it, and it subconsciously influences your every day thinking.  It also holds you back from something in your life.  

This is the kind of limiting belief you can reprogram with the right tools and the right coach (ahem – that’s me).  

For me, when I became aware of how often I thought ‘I’m doing this all wrong’ and how it was producing the results I didn’t want in my life, I wanted to change it.  

So now I practice “Nothing has gone wrong.” 

This thought is a game changer.  It’s like the saying “You’re either winning or learning.” 

It helps me see each situation as a chance to learn and not a chance to tell myself I’m a total failure. It’s a way for me to show compassion and self-love, which then really helps me offer that same compassion and love to others.  

How can you give others what you don’t practice yourself?

Try it on.  Nothing has gone wrong.  Feels good, doesn’t it?  

If any of this resonated with you, and you want to know more about reprogramming your limiting beliefs, email me at nataliewilsoncoaching@gmail.com and let’s set up a time to talk.

You don’t have to hold yourself back or beat yourself up anymore. You CAN reprogram those beliefs.

Two Things To Do When It Feels Like You Don’t Belong

Dear Santa – please help me belong.  

How many of you have thought similarly to this 9 year old little girl?  

What’s funny, is that there is always some reason in our head that seems SO TRUE to justify why we don’t belong.

Like I would swear in the court of law that I don’t belong because I’m a half-Hispanic, half-white who looks Asian, non-Spanish speaking step-mom with no kids of her own.  Seems totally legit to me. 

Other reasons that SEEM SO legit.  

You don’t have a boyfriend.  

You’re not married.  

You don’t have kids.  

You don’t have the same job as everyone else in your circle.  

You’re the top leader in your organization.  

You aren’t from the South.  You look different from the others.  

You like yoga.  

I know.  Some of these have been/are my reasons.  But they could be yours too.

Whether it IS true or not, our heads are thinking some thought that’s telling our hearts to feel rejected or alone or odd.  

The thoughts are the reasons that seem so legit.  

The fact that you don’t have a boyfriend does NOT automatically mean you don’t belong, contrary to what your brain believes. 

You “belong” in the singles box to check at the doctor’s office. That’s all.

Your HEAD is making it mean that you don’t belong in life.  That it means you are unloveable, a failure, a reject.

There are two things to really help your brain start overcoming this battle in your mind.  

First. What if you just notice how the feeling of unloved, rejected, or disliked feels?  It’s not going to hurt you.  It’s not going to kill you.  But you have to feel it to know that.  

Second. After you meet it head on, step back and make a list (or T-chart since I used to be a teacher) of fact vs. thoughts. 

Not married.  – Fact (provable in court – no human could win against you)

I don’t belong. – Thought

Not born in the South – Fact (provable in court; no human could win against you)

I’m not like anyone from here. – Thought

It comes down to really what your 3rd grade teacher taught you, ha, ha.  Look at Fact vs. Opinion (Thoughts).  

These two steps alone start exposing your brain to the lies it believes.  First lie – that you’ll die if you feel rejection or alone. Second lie – all the thoughts that are convincing you what isn’t true.  

And then you keep the battle of the mind going with giving it new things to believe about those facts.  

This is the work I do with my clients.  This is the work I’d do with you.  Email me anytime.  nataliewilsoncoaching@gmail.com

You do belong, but I’m not the one who can convince you. Only you can.  

If You Think Your Decisions Aren’t Impacting Others, Think Again

Do you know HOW many people are impacted by your choices?  Like really.  

Think About It.  

I just got off the phone with a client who was making a job decision and she brought up how thankful she was that I had the courage to pursue being a life coach.  

She said from that I am now helping her see her brain and live courageously and make hard job decisions confidently.  

So from my one decision, I am helping her and her decision which will then impact the lives of almost 100 children this year.  100 children who desperately need her to love them, encourage them, teach them how to do hard things, and achieve what is possible in their lives. 

They need her to show them what is impossible for their life.  And then make it possible.

What is the residual impact of your decisions? Whose lives are your ripples touching?

Who is impacted by your decisions?  Not just your family and friends.  Who could be impacted that you don’t even know?  

If you decide to get control of your finances and turn down all the cute clothes you want and drinks to drink and food to eat, it doesn’t just impact your wallet.  

It impacts the wallet of your parents, spouse, and friends because you wouldn’t have to take from theirs.  Now all of you have more money.  

They might see that you’re an example of what is possible and decide to do the same thing; now they are impacting all of their circle.  

I’m not saying buying clothes, drinks, or food is bad.  But I don’t think we realize the impact of those small choices and WHO they impact.  

Sometimes it takes courage to turn down the Target run of a shirt, a lamp, and new office supplies.  And that’s okay.  Not all hard decisions are taking career leaps.

For me, I will never know the 100 children, but my life is touching theirs.  My one decision to pursue the uncomfortable and unknown career of being a life coach is impacting hundreds.  

What could your decisions be doing?  

Fighting The Fear

A previous client of mine wrote this to me today and it was so good, I had to share…

‘Whoa!!!!! I’m fighting the fear today. All the reasons why it won’t work are sitting at the bottom of my stomach!! I woke up so nervous that I don’t know what I’m doing!

What a trip to listen to you and Brooke tell me I was going to fight this and not want to “leave the cave” “make excuses because I think it may harm me.” Thank goodness I was warned about all of these feelings!

It’s so helpful knowing it’s normal and that even though I’m feeling all that nothing is more damaging than not doing it!! I haven’t quite turned off the voices shaming me yet, but I’m determined to not let them stop me. Thinking of you and your brave leap…’

Pretty freaking awesome, right? On so many levels! She is GOING for a dream of hers. She is fighting the fear AND she knows this is totally normal. It does not mean retreat and run for the hills.

My favorite part is when she says “I’m determined to not let them stop me.” Boom.

What if you believed that? With whatever it is that is your goal. Weight, finances, career, relationship dreams. I am determined to not let them stop me.

Fight the fear.

Living The Dream-It IS POSSIBLE

Anyone else have adult meltdowns?  No, me neither.

 
In 2012, at the age of 34, I bought my first townhome.  I had to borrow $5,000 from my parents and took out a teacher loan to afford the down payment.    

When I sat down to sign the 800 documents, I saw a much larger amount than I expected as my monthly mortgage payment.  How was I going to pay for that on my teacher salary?

 
The tears sprang up and started spilling down my cheek.  The lawyer and my realtor (both male and single) had NO idea what to do.  The tears just flowed as they passed me a tissue box.  Bahahaha!  Bless. 


Thankfully about 5 minutes later one of my greatest friends showed up to support me with a bottle of champagne and a smile.  She had bought her first condo as a result of a divorce and knew exactly what I was going through.  


How had my life ended up here?  How was I 34 and single and almost no money and hating my job and having a meltdown in front of two male lawyers?  


That’s a long story, so I’ll skip to the ending.  


I found a book by a life coach that changed my life.  Then I took massive action and did the work and prayed and meditated on verses and things that created joy in my life.  


Then I finally got the memo that I was worth a 10 (we all are) so I needed to find a 10 husband.  Enter Darin.  Then I decided I wanted to pursue coaching teachers. Got that. Then pursue helping kids with their emotional and mental health.  Did that.  


Sold two homes in between (one of which paid for my wedding).


Now, 7 years later, I just turned in my resignation at the school that I LOVE and a job that I LOVED to pursue a calling that I LOVE. 


Life Coaching.  Because life coaching is what started this whole thing and the coaching that Brooke Castillo teaches lit my life and my husband’s life on fire.  


I took the leap, but knowing that I have my own back.  It’s scary and exciting and all the things.  My brain has argued and doubted and celebrated and committed.  


I am living my dream come true of being a full-time life coach where I get to impact lives in a whole new way.  


What I want you to know is that it is ALL POSSIBLE.  Nothing you can imagine is impossible.  
Weight loss.  Better relationships.  A job you love.  The finances you want.  Confidence.  


It is ALL POSSIBLE.  You just have to commit to doing the work.  It’s not an overnight solution, but you didn’t get to where you are overnight either. 


It is ALL POSSIBLE.  

Going All In – A Strategy “Willing To Lose”

So I honestly am making up the name of this strategy.  If you read this and can come up with a better name, by all means, let me know.  Until then, I’m naming it “Willing To Lose”.  

My coach has this great example of proving whether or not her clients are believing that they are really going to make their goal happen, that they are 100% all in.  

Let’s go with a weight goal – losing 6 lbs this month.  Just a tad outside my comfort zone but not ridiculously out of the question.  

I’m going to have the belief: Oh, yeah, I’m going to lose 6 lbs this month.  No problem.  

My actions are that I’m eating bread once a week, no sugar, and exercising twice a week.  

And after two weeks, I only lose two pounds.  

I start panicking or thinking I’m doing something wrong or wasting my time.  

At this point, I’m completely doubting whether or not I’m going to hit my goal.  

My coach will say to me – are you willing to pay me $10,000 if you don’t hit your goal?  

And because I’m doubting, I’m not willing to lose $10,000 so I am going to say ‘HAIL’ no.  

I’m not really all in.  I’m full of doubt and fear, not determination and focus.  

Do you see this?

A person who is ALL IN is going to say – yes.  I am going to to do whatever it takes to lose the other four pounds.  This is possible.  It is happening.  I can say yes I’ll pay you because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am going to show up for myself.  I am going to make it happen.  I am not willing to lose.

What is your goal?  Like a specific real goal.  

Are you willing to pay me $10,000 if you don’t hit it? Don’t play not to lose. Play to win.

Going All In – Chunking Your Life

When I started planning my wedding, I had no wedding planner, a mom who knew nothing about planning weddings, and no time.  I had just started a new job shortly before I got engaged to add fuel to the fire.  

Then we decided to sell my town home so I could have money to pay for the wedding.  So now I was planning a wedding, learning my new position, selling a home, and looking for a new one.  

If you’ve ever done any of these, you know they all take time and massive action.  Oh, and we were for sale by owner.  We were taking lots and lots of action.

How did I do it all almost by myself without having a nervous breakdown or failing everyone involved?  I learned to chunk my to-do list, and I became a master of my schedule.  

I didn’t just say I had no time or I was overwhelmed or it wasn’t fair.  I mean all of this was great stuff happening. 

It was easier to stay in the positive frame of mind, for sure.  But that didn’t make the work go away.  

Chunking was my plan.  For everything.  Selling my home by mid October when I got engaged Labor Day?  I spent every weekend for four weeks in a row going through each room in my house, clearing out the mess, cleaning, and staging.

Once it was sold (first day on the market for full asking price), I spent the next three and half weeks (he was paying cash), packing systematically doing the same process.  Each room had boxes, Sharpies, packing tape & paper, and all boxed and ready for when the movers came.  

Some of you might think well it’s easy when it’s selling a house and planning a wedding, but I want you to think about that. 

How many brides become Bridezillas because they are stressed and overwhelmed?  How many people never move because they don’t want to go through the process no matter how much they could make?  It’s just “too much trouble”.  

These tasks can seem overwhelming if you think they are overwhelming. When you think it’s all doable, your brain comes up with a way to do it all. It’s the way your brain works.

Chunking is a fabulous strategy to use when going all in.  It makes it seem doable.  Because it is doable.  You chunk it and then you do the small chunks.  

And if all of that doesn’t convince you to try chunking, think about the saying.  You know the one.  How do you eat an elephant?  One bite at a time.  

I actually don’t understand how this became a thing since no one I know eats elephant, thank the Lawd.  But I do know it’s a thing.  So think about it.  One bite at a time. 🙂

How To Go All In – A Strategy

How is it possible to go all in when you want to, but you also really don’t want to? 

Like, you want to go all in with your workout routine, but you’re not.  You keep skipping the gym and hanging out with your dogs instead.  

Or you want to go all in with organizing your house, but you’re not.  You keep scrolling through Facebook and watching Marie Kondo on Netflix.  (Which is at least on the subject of organizing)

For teens, it could be getting straight A’s or getting on the dance team or getting extra money to buy more Pops or Adidas shoes that they otherwise would not be allowed to buy.  

Whatever it is, let’s go all in.  This is how.

Step 1 – Be specific

Like real specific.  I’m working out 5 times every week for this month.  I’m cleaning out the kitchen pantry by Friday.  I’m getting an A on all tests this quarter.  I’m making $100 this week to buy my Abraham Lincoln Pop. 

Write it down. 

Step 2 – Write down your excuses

Write down ALL of your excuses and doubts that are going to come up and then what you’ll need to tell your brain.  You’re the boss of your brain.  So I need for you to act like a boss. 

Example: I’m going to be tired from not sleeping because of our broken A/C so I may skip working out those days it’s broken (excuse).  No, you are going to the freaking gym.  I will have more energy during the day and be able to sleep better that night (Brain Boss talking)

Other excuses: I don’t have time; I am so tired; the kids need me to stay home; my husband won’t feel loved; I need to do more at home (and less for me).

Step 3 – Don’t judge your excuses.

Seriously.  Don’t do it.  Just be like ‘oh, that’s my self-doubt.  That’s my excuse to get out of it.  It’s kinda like my teen who is telling me she has a sore throat when in reality she has a math test.’  See?  It’s just doing it’s job.  Be like ‘good job, brain’. 

And then do what you committed to doing anyway.   

Step 4 – Reflect on your mind AND your action.  

Ask yourself what worked, what didn’t work, what would I do differently at the end of each day with both your thought work AND your actions.  Your mind is the gas fueling your actions so you need to take a look at that too.  You don’t want to be ignoring the fact that you’re putting some cheap stuff into the actions and that’s what is really causing the poor results, right?  No.  Once you know it’s the cheap gas from the unmarked gas station down the street that has shady characters hanging around all the time causing your car to leap forward in the middle of traffic for no apparent reason, you’re going to look for the next fancy BP to fill your car up with.  Same with your mind.  Reflect on your mind and actions.  

And that is it, friends.  Actually DO this work. When I say ‘write’, I mean write. it. out.  What we want to do is just do it in our minds and count it like we did it.  I know this because I do this ALL the time.  But this is like building a muscle. Your mental muscle of going all in.  So in order to build it up, you must exercise it.  

This is your work. The how. 

Go all in.  

Old You vs. New You

The old is gone and the new has come.  What parts of the old you are you still leaning on?  

Old me:  Oh, I’ll just take my time and wonder around for a while, read all the signs and directions; google all the possible disasters.   

New me: That’s where I’m headed. Running the whole way.  This is happening.

I am the daughter of the King.  I serve a mighty God who will move Heaven and Earth for me to run after what He has called me to do. 

I will run, not half-jog, in this journey with desire, love, and excitement. 

It is fear that keeps me alive, but it will not be fear that holds me back.  

It is always love.  Love for myself, love for others, and love for our God.  

Now, I am looking for moms and dads who want to know more about how to light the fire under their teen’s you know what and get them to not hold back.  I have a quick 10 minute virtual training next Tuesday, the 23rd for parents at 11am.  

After the session, you’ll also get the three short videos I made for your teens – How To Get Moving, How To Get Motivated, & How To Get Mentally Strong.  Those will be sent to anyone who signs up for the session.  

The videos alone are life changing for your teens. I can’t wait to help them change their year and their life!

Register here until July 22nd!