The Key Belief to Enjoy Online Dating

This past weekend, I realized I was not enjoying the process.  

Not the process of dating, as I’m married, but an area of my life that I’ve been working on.

A series of unfortunate events happened between Friday night and Sunday night, and I’ll be honest.  I thought, this is for the birds.  

I’m out.  

But after I did my own coaching on this, I realized that me hating the process doesn’t make the process go away.  


It also doesn’t get me to my end goal faster.  If anything, it slows me down.

As I was thinking about my own journey through this process, it made me think of all the clients I have who hate online dating.  

They strongly believe it isn’t working.  It doesn’t work. They dread it.  

So here’s the key belief that got me to enjoy online dating AND what I remembered Monday morning when I had to recover from my weekend.

Consider dating to be a tunnel.  The dating tunnel.

Your man is at the end of it.  It’s a long, dark tunnel.  You’re actually not sure how long it will take for you to walk through it. 

But the tunnel is the way you get to the other side of the mountain.  Where you want to be. 

So every step you take, you can believe it’s not working. You can hate the tunnel.  Blame the tunnel for being long, dark and cold.  Make yourself depressed and miserable along the way. Maybe even give up.  Have a tantrum.  (“It’s not supposed to be this way/It should be easier!” – I know. I have the same thoughts) Go back.

Or you could believe it is working.  

Every step gets you closer.  It seems like it’s still the same dark, cold lonely tunnel with every step. Your brain will battle with you. It won’t seem like you’re any closer.

But. There WILL be light.  There WILL be an end.

You could be curious along the way.  Learn some new things.  Laugh.  Not focus on the darkness or the coldness. You could build belief and MAYBE…  Enjoy it.  

And then one day, you’re there.  

Choosing to believe it’s working is the difference.  

It’s your tunnel.  You get to choose. 

Loving Your Life In The Meantime

We’ve all had times in our life when it seems as if nothing is going right, God is absent, and you’re waiting for something to change.

If there’s anything I’ve learned through recessions, heartbreaks, loneliness, and career turmoil, I’ve learned that I always have the choice to love my life in the meantime. Right now. As it is. With all of it’s messiness.

In fact, I’d go so far to say that as I learned to love my life as it is, I started figuring out the life I wanted to have. And things started happening that got me the life I wanted. Things started to change.

So I have four things you can do to love your life in the meantime. I’m not going to say while you wait because to me, that means you sit around waiting for someone to give you what you want. Like you’re waiting for it to happen to you. Your life doesn’t happen to you. But that’s for another post…

Be Grateful

Being grateful is the most important and powerful way to start loving your life. Write a list every day. Think it & feel it. Be grateful for what you DO have. And be grateful for what is to come. For the future life you are making. For the prayers to be answered. There’s absolutely no harm in being grateful ahead of time. It’s practicing belief.

Own Your Life

Owning your life is super empowering. You also start to see how it can change. When you take 100% ownership and responsibility for where you’re at, you begin to see how you’re responsible for creating it. I’m not talking about being let go from a job or being broken up with. But you can own your response to these things. Are you choosing to dwell in the past? Are you choosing to think negatively about your old work or your future options? Did you choose guys that you know aren’t long-term material? Did you choose a guy who walked all over you? As you own your life and your choices, you can begin to accept it and love it for what it is. (Doesn’t mean you don’t change it though!)

Make a List

Make a list of all the things you can control. Then make a list of all the things you can’t. Why? Because some of us need to be reminded we can’t control the Coronavirus. But we can control how often we wash our hands, our mindset, our feelings. Most of us have more control than we think. I know I stayed in a job for years thinking it was out of my control. I used God as a scapegoat. Once I realized I had a major part in my life, I had the courage to switch careers. Knowing what you can and cannot control is super empowering and something else to be grateful for!

Write a story

Write a story of your life where you are the leading lady, the hero. That means you have to force your brain to see all good things and how could be the hero of it. Then write (or add chapters) the story of you being the leading lady of right now and her future. How does she show up in today’s current circumstances? What does she think about herself? What does she decide to change in her life? What does she keep? Really write a story where you show up right now as the leading lady. Because you are.

Loving your life does not always mean you love everything about it. It doesn’t even mean that you love all the things in it – your travel, parties, job.

It’s about loving what is. Unconditional love. And from that, being empowered to make the changes you do want.

Where Your Mind Goes, Your Life Follows

It was 3 a.m. and my mind wouldn’t stop racing.  It was thinking about the friend who no longer is a friend, although she keeps me around on FB.  Basically ghosted me.  My parents who are getting older.  The coronovirus.  

I was anxious and I couldn’t stop worrying.  This lasted about 10 minutes when this thought popped in my head:

‘Where my mind goes, my feelings follow.’

Since my mind was going to all the problems and what-ifs in the world, then fear was following!  

What I tell my clients, especially younger ones, feelings are signals.  Letting you know something is happening either in your body – like food poison – or in your mind – like thoughts.  

They’re also like my dog.   Willie.  Where I go, he goes.  If I walk down the stairs,  his little tail is swinging behind me.  If I open the kitchen pantry, Willie appears.  

It’s what feelings do also.  They follow your thoughts. They appear wherever you send your mind.

More than that, though, where your mind goes, your LIFE follows.  

Your life – your money, your weight, your career, your relationships – are a result of all those 60,000 thoughts you have flying around on a daily basis. Most of us have no clue how they are running the show. We just keep going.

So here’s a chance to slow down. Where is your mind going?  Where does it go most of the day? Because that’s a great indicator of where your life will go too.  

Don’t like the track it’s on? No? Want to create a different life? A different result. Yes? Then you have the opportunity everyday too. It’s what I help my clients do every day.

As I realized that I wasn’t really anxious, I just was letting my mind focus on anxious thoughts, I let them go.  I focused on the power of knowing where my mind goes, my life follows.  

And I went to sleep.  With Willie close by.

What is the ONE thing to focus on when you’re single & dating?

The 13 year-old girls I used to teach always told stories about the boys they were “dating”.  Dating?  Really?  I’m pretty sure it’ll be a few years before you know if “he’s the one”.  

And then you get to the college.

You’re both poor and eating Ramen, and still figuring out what you want “to do with your life”.  Or you’re so focused on your career, you don’t want to be distracted by dating.  ‘Cuz who’s got time for that?

Move on to your 20s, post-college time. For many women, you hope to marry in the next decade.  Surely you can meet a husband by then.  It’s not really asking a lot.  You graduated.  You have a somewhat steady job.  It is time for a man, sweet Jesus!

And then some women move into their 30s, and the pool of men gets smaller.  It’s like you moved from the neighborhood pool to the neighborhood baby pool. Except now you share the baby pool with your friends who married and are actually having babies.

What is happening, God?!  Do you know that I long for a husband and family?  Are you aware that you made a time limit on when I can have babies?!

I know each of these stages because I lived each one of them.

I met my husband at 36 and married when I was 37.  I know the lonely nights.  I know the awkward times at weddings without a date.  I know the set ups.  I know the internet dating sites.  I know what it’s like to complete the employee form or health insurance form and check the single box.  To list my old roommate as my local emergency contact.  And then start crying as soon as I get in the car.

Can you relate?  Were any of those feelings ones that left your heart aching?  Except maybe worse?

You know you can find someone to pass the time with.  You can find someone to kiss at midnight on New Year’s Eve and someone to text when you’re lonely on a Saturday night. 

You can find a date to keep you busy and distract you from the loneliness.

But is that enough for you?  Is that what you really want?  Is that what you are worthy of?  Or do you want to find your forever love?  Your forever man.

I don’t know you, but I am positive you want a forever love.  You want to marry the love of your life and then pursue life passionately together.  Passing time isn’t enough.

Don’t trade the shallow gratification of now for the deeper connection of forever.

You are worthy of more.  You want a man who knows your worth and is willing to go to great lengths to have your love.

Since I had the challenge and gift of being single until I was 37, many people ask me how I met my husband – especially because he is SO incredibly handsome, successful, and Godly.  Truly, I got a 10. 

Looking back, I followed 5 steps.  It was a process I did because it worked. 

It’s the same process I used to switch careers.  It’s the same process I used to lose weight.  To get out of debt.  And to start a coaching business that in 4 months was already more than what I was making as a part-time teacher.   

I teach my clients the 5 step process.  But here is the most important one.  

  • Discover your Love Blueprint.  
  • Rewrite your Love Blueprint.  

That seems like two, doesn’t it?  It’s really the same.  Once you discover it, almost simultaneously, you want to start reprogramming it.  

Here’s why it’s the MOST important step….

Your love blueprint is the plan.   It’s the set of patterns and beliefs you have that keep popping up in your dating life.  If you don’t discover it, and then rewrite it, no matter WHO you meet…or even marry…that crappy blueprint will show back up.  

It’s the plan your brain is following.  Without you even knowing it.  

(If you want to discover your love blueprint, I created a guide for you.  I also  created a guide to reprogram your love blueprint.  Just go to this page, and it’s yours FREE!)

Some of you are thinking – is that it?  I know.  I’m a type A kinda gal who would much rather have this list.

  1. Workout three times a week
  2. Text back only after initially texted to
  3. Don’t drink more than one glass of wine on the date
  4. Find out his favorite meal and cook it
  5. Smile non-stop the first three dates

That’s better, right?  You have much more control of these, and these are, by far, way easier to do.  These are all, actually, good suggestions.  Most men want a healthy, happy good cook who is confident and not a drunk.

This list, though, are the outcomes of my five step process.   And so is loving yourself,  loving your life, and falling in love.  

BUT.   I’m here to testify that this ONE thing is worth your time because it translates not just to a forever man, but to an amazing forever woman. And an amazing forever MARRIAGE.  

Let me reassure you – once I started focusing on this one thing, I became an even better woman. (You can get the guide here.)

And that’s when I found my forever man.  Praise sweet baby Jesus.

*This originally was written and posted in 2017 on my old blog. I’ve since revised it.

A Quick Way To Win In Life

In my sessions with clients, often they are filled with all the things they are getting wrong in life.  Can you relate?

I know I do!  I come to my coach with all the things that I think I need “fixing”.  I have a list.

But I want to stop us all this week and I want us to do something every single day.  

I mean it.  Every day.  

Right before you go to sleep, perhaps when you’re brushing your teeth or getting that glass of water, I want you to think about all the things you did “Right” that day.  

Then write it down.  Our brains LOVE it when we write things down.  It helps us see our thinking.  

So right it down.  (See what I did there?)

I got to work on time.  I called my mom.  I ate a salad at lunch.  I did what I said I was going to do and I went for a run.  

Sometimes it might just be that you moved the clothes from the washer to the dryer on the same day.  #winning 

But get that stuff down.  Tell yourself you are doing a good job.  

It’s so easy for us focus on what we’re doing wrong, instead of what we’re doing right. 

So give yourself a high-five.  And give yourself more love this week.  You’ll be surprised how it helps you grow just as much. 

When you love yourself unconditionally, it spills over into unconditionally loving others.  

This is self-love, ya’ll.  And others love.  And unconditional love.  

It’s the “right” kind of love. 

Remember.  You’re doing a good job.  I promise.  

Much love,
Natalie

P.S. If you have ever felt like a doormat, a wallflower, “too nice”, taken advantage of, shy, or felt like you apologize too much, will you take this quick survey for me?  Click Here It’s two questions and should take 2 minutes.  Thanks!!

P.P.S.  This week, my clients and I are spending time looking at how we are creating the results we want in our life.  They will walk away with actionable steps that help them build more wins.  If you keep reading these and wondering if you could do this, the answer is yes!  You can!  I wondered too.  And I’m so glad I took a chance on myself. Email me now at nataliewilsoncoaching@gmail.com and let’s set up a time to chat about the things you want to create in your life.  

Having Fun Yet? Questions To Help You When You’re Not

In 6th grade, my dad sat the three daughters down for an “easy” game of Risk.

For those of you who got to play things like Uno and jump on a trampoline, you may not be aware that this game involved countries going to war and losing it all in battle. Don’t be jealous.

(And in case you’re wondering, my dad was military and I’m proud that he is a Vietnam Vet.) 

As proud as I am of him, I’m not quite sure if that was the most fun my sisters and I could dream of having at that time.  I’m pretty sure my dad yelled at my sister, “You’re going to sit there and you’re going to have fun!!”  

Well, friend, we can laugh at it now, but how many of us are doing things that are “good” for us or things we “have” to do with the same point of view?  

I HAVE to.  I don’t want to.  I should do this.  I shouldn’t do that.  If I’m a good person, I need to do it.  Just muddle it through.  Just survive.

It’s an itty, bitty belief that takes something that could be enjoyable, worth it, and fun to guilt, pressure, and resentment.

It could be your workout, your food, your budget, your marriage, your work, or even your faith.

I’m ashamed to admit this, but for years, I volunteered because I thought that’s what “good people” do.  I followed the rules of society and my church.  I wanted to be liked and I didn’t want to look selfish to others or to God.  

Think about that.  

I “have” to volunteer because everyone else in my church is volunteering.  I don’t want to look selfish.  These are all the thoughts that were in my brain.

So I volunteered.  I would leave irritated that I didn’t serve in the role I wanted or didn’t meet new people or they wasted my time.  I ended up acting and being selfish. 

And I ended up not really being the “good person” I was forcing myself to be or loving the people I was supposedly volunteering to love.  

Now, I really want to think and feel love and fun when I do these things because I can.  

So now I think “I am so excited I get to learn more about this medical missions team.” I go.  I learn about it.  I leave happy to know more about the organization and having done it.  

For those of us who are the do-gooders, rule-followers and perfectionists, we can get it twisted real quick.  

Those “have to” and “shoulds” and “if I’m a good person” turn into guilt and resentment, which defeats the purpose of why we’re doing it in the first place. We’re not doing it out of love. We’re not having fun.

I’m not saying not to do all the things you want to do to be wealthy in your faith, relationships, health, and finance, i.e. go to church, call your mom, eat vegetables, feed your kids.  

What I’m saying is if it’s something you don’t want to do, but you know it will help you (or your kids/family/work), ask yourself these four questions:

  1. How can I make this fun?
  2. How can I do this out of love?
  3. How can I have fun today/this week?
  4. If I loved doing this, how would I think, feel, act? 

These four questions will help you enjoy that mental list you have in your head of what you “have” to do and may even help you choose to do it out of love or fun instead of out of resentment or guilt. 

Think about how you would show up to friends, family, and co-workers if you did more out of love or fun and less out of resentment or guilt.  

Love feels better, doesn’t it?  Fun feels good. Guilt and resentment are like little prisons we make for ourselves.

Don’t let your brain keep you there.

Email me at nataliewilsoncoaching@gmail.com and let me know how you are choosing to make things fun and do things more out of love this week. 

Let’s get started freeing you up from the guilt and resentment you feel daily. Email me to chat about working with me.

With total real love – Natalie