A Quick Way To Win In Life

In my sessions with clients, often they are filled with all the things they are getting wrong in life.  Can you relate?

I know I do!  I come to my coach with all the things that I think I need “fixing”.  I have a list.

But I want to stop us all this week and I want us to do something every single day.  

I mean it.  Every day.  

Right before you go to sleep, perhaps when you’re brushing your teeth or getting that glass of water, I want you to think about all the things you did “Right” that day.  

Then write it down.  Our brains LOVE it when we write things down.  It helps us see our thinking.  

So right it down.  (See what I did there?)

I got to work on time.  I called my mom.  I ate a salad at lunch.  I did what I said I was going to do and I went for a run.  

Sometimes it might just be that you moved the clothes from the washer to the dryer on the same day.  #winning 

But get that stuff down.  Tell yourself you are doing a good job.  

It’s so easy for us focus on what we’re doing wrong, instead of what we’re doing right. 

So give yourself a high-five.  And give yourself more love this week.  You’ll be surprised how it helps you grow just as much. 

When you love yourself unconditionally, it spills over into unconditionally loving others.  

This is self-love, ya’ll.  And others love.  And unconditional love.  

It’s the “right” kind of love. 

Remember.  You’re doing a good job.  I promise.  

Much love,
Natalie

P.S. If you have ever felt like a doormat, a wallflower, “too nice”, taken advantage of, shy, or felt like you apologize too much, will you take this quick survey for me?  Click Here It’s two questions and should take 2 minutes.  Thanks!!

P.P.S.  This week, my clients and I are spending time looking at how we are creating the results we want in our life.  They will walk away with actionable steps that help them build more wins.  If you keep reading these and wondering if you could do this, the answer is yes!  You can!  I wondered too.  And I’m so glad I took a chance on myself. Email me now at nataliewilsoncoaching@gmail.com and let’s set up a time to chat about the things you want to create in your life.  

Challenge: What Would Your Future Self Say to You?

We often see people writing letters to their 10, 13, 19 year old self, but how often do we consider what our future self would say to us right now? 

I’m about to go to my coaching Mastermind, and they keep encouraging us to show up as our future self.  

This is not to make us feel bad about who we are now, but to challenge us to really think about WHO we want to BECOME. 

So who do I want to be a year from now?  Hmmm.

Let’s be honest. If we’re not growing, we’re just stagnant.  We’re not becoming a different or better version.  

But guess what?  Time is going to pass by.  You will be a year older September 11, 2020 if nothing else. 

You can either have the exact same life with the exact same routine, or you can update your version.  

You can either have an updated version that was given to you by life’s circumstances and the people in your life (and you accepted).

Or you can have an updated version that you intentionally chose.  

Either way. Your Future Self is coming.  

Who do you want to be a year from now?  

Here’s a great way to think about it. Write a letter as that person to you.  

To help you out, here is part of my letter from my future self:

Natalie – You are changing lives.  Don’t ever forget that is why you are doing this.  You want to help more women be the heroes of their own life.  For them to believe they can be the leading lady, not the best friend.  For them to let go of all the worry and people pleasing and rule-following that keeps them in a prison. For them to step out of the shadows with a strong voice. They can find love, value, and acceptance within themselves and then use it to create a career they want, a relationship they want, and friendships they want.  

Be secure and rock it.  

Go with your gut.  Always.  It’s a gift you have and it won’t lead you astray.  

Most of all realize that ‘there’ is not better than ‘right now’, but you will have evolved to become stronger, more loving, and a more involved human.  You will have created a life that will leave you skidding into heaven, which is what you want! 

Last, be full of gratitude every step of the way.  Be grateful for the Lord, for Darin, for your family, your choices, your mental health, your clients, and for you.

You did it.  You stepped out of the boat.  You stopped being a wallflower.  You shined your light for others to follow.  Way to go.  

XO – Natalie, Sept 2020

Alright y’all. It’s your turn. Who do you want to become? And what would that woman say to you right now? I’d love to hear from you and your future self!

How To Change Your Thoughts of Loneliness

Yesterday, I talked about how loneliness is actually a feeling and can be cured by changing our thoughts.  

So what’s one way to change them?  

Write down all the thoughts you have about being lonely. 

“I don’t belong.”

“I’m not invited.”

“No one understands me.”

“They think I’m weird/awkward/shy.”

As many as you can down…I call it a brain dump or a thought download.  Just get it out.

Then for each statement, write an opposite statement.  

“I belong to several groups – my family, my friends back in Boston, my church.”

“I am invited to other things/I invite different people to my stuff.”

“I understand me.” Or “My best friend in Idaho understands me.”

Why are we writing down the opposite?  

Because our brain will look for the evidence we tell it to to look for.  If I decide to think that I get “front row Jo” parking everywhere I go, I will see it happen more and more.  Only because my brain is looking for evidence to support this thought.

If I decide to think that I have a wonderful husband, my brain will find all the ways that he is.  

The same is true for being lonely.  If we choose to think thoughts that create loneliness, our brain will go to work finding evidence for it.  

If we choose to think the opposite thoughts, our brains will go to work finding evidence for that.  

And the more evidence our brain collects, the more it helps support the thought which turns the thought into more of a thought groove.  

And after the thought grooves is there for a while, it becomes a belief.  

Beliefs are what run our brain in the background. So we want our brain to have new beliefs.

So help a brain out.  Write the opposite.  Look for the opposite.  

The Cure For Loneliness

I remember standing in the middle of a frat party during college and thinking how lonely I felt. All those people drunk and having a good time and I just felt lonely. 

Fast forward years from then when I was a single woman in my 30s and I still felt it.  In fact, I spent nights crying and/or blaming my friends, bad dating choices, or myself because of my loneliness.

Fast forward even more, and as a married woman in my 40s, I can still experience loneliness.  

Why?  Why is it possible for us to experience this in so many different times and situations in our lives?

It’s not because I don’t have friends, a husband, co-workers, and social media at my fingertips.  I have all of those things now just as I did then.

Loneliness is a feeling.  And although we want to think feelings are caused by our circumstances, they actually aren’t.

Feelings – and loneliness – aren’t caused by having friends,  a different family, being single, being 30, or not having kids.  

Feelings are caused by our thoughts.  Our thoughts are what create our emotions.

Which means loneliness is caused by our thoughts.  

This is both good news and bad news, right?

The bad news is that my thoughts are causing my loneliness.   

The good news is that my thoughts are also the cure

Your thoughts are both the cause and the cure to your loneliness. 

When you are thinking “I have no one to go eat dinner with,” you are probably going to feel lonely.  If you think “Everyone else has something to do tonight but me,” you are probably going to feel lonely.  “No one here gets me,” – lonely.  

I used to think this was just true.  My brain would find evidence for it as if it could win in the court of law.  

But the truth is that loneliness is caused by our thoughts, not our circumstances.  

In fact, loneliness used to be something I struggled with A LOT.  And since understanding this concept, it hasn’t been a struggle for me almost at all.  

 What I hope is that you take the time to stop and consider how a lot of our teen and college age girls feel super lonely right now.  It could be because they are transitioning schools, to college, or even from college to the “real world” and they are letting their mind choose thoughts about these transitions that create desperation, loneliness, etc.  

Their brain wants to naturally assign the meaning that they are alone so therefore they are lonely and are going to die.  

And what inevitably happens is they make decisions to go out with the wrong guys, the wrong friends, and try the wrong things just because their mind was creating this false scenario for them.  

But there is a cure. It’s available to them right now. It can help them avoid a lot of wrong choices.

Help your teens learn the cure. 

For The Kids Who Want A’s & Hate School

I have a client who doesn’t like school.  Oh, wait.  I have many clients who don’t like school.  

This client (meaning most of my clients) has good grades, studies ok, and wants to have straight As.  Her goal for next year is to have the highest A possible in all classes.

She also thinks school is a waste of time, a necessity, and boring.  

Do you see the problem?  I know you hear it at home, but do you see it?  

She wants one thing, but the very thing she wants, she doesn’t like.  

No wonder we all decide that tweens and teens are extreme and confusing!  

I mean, we adults, are NEVER like that.  

We don’t want to lose weight, but also hate the gym.  

We don’t want to be happy at our jobs, but talk about how bad our boss is.  

We don’t want to be on time, and then say that being late is “just who we are”.

Nope.  I’ve never said those things.  (You know I’m kidding, right?)

As much as we’d like to only see what our kids are going through as just being drama, it’s also what we struggle with. 

Why?  It’s our human brain.  

It’s cognitive dissonance – when one’s ideas, beliefs, behaviors are contradictory.  

Your kids are just beginning to really learn what it is and what to do when it happens.  

Cognitive dissonance is a great opportunity for growth as long as you are bringing attention to it to your mind.  

Once your brain becomes aware of it, it has a much better chance of reconciling the two.  

Awareness is the first step.  

And I’ll be talking next steps for this in my Back To School meeting for parents of tweens & teens on the 23rd.  More details to come!

Good To Great – Changing the Programming

A lot of parents struggle with teaching their non-go-getter teens to go get. 

Why would you be okay with a C or not work to to get on the athletic team they want to be on? Or perhaps a teen coasts at a B and doesn’t understand why why they should push themselves when a B isn’t “bad”.  

If you think about it, though, most of their life they have been programmed for “good”.  They have been programmed to not be “bad” and to certainly do “right”.  

As a previous teacher, I’m guilty of that.  I remember teaching my kids to always do the “right thing”.  

Seriously. What the heck does that mean to a middle schooler? 

Half the time they probably truly don’t know what the right thing is to do and then they have so many voices telling them what is “right”.  Their friends, their teachers, their parents, social media.  How do they know which voice is the right voice?  

Even a pastor, Francis Chan, wrote about it in one of his books.  We get so caught up with teaching our kids to just be good and follow the rules that we forget to invite them to be great.  

Our kids programming right now is to not be bad.  Some of them, as they exercise independence and decide their friends are more important, actually believe they are bad or they want to be bad.  

It’s programming.  It’s beliefs.  It’s years of their brain believing this is the way.  This is THE WAY.  Not from you. All of it – school, church, the world, sports, etc.

What I work on with them is recognizing those beliefs.  Then we work on changing those beliefs.  And then we use those beliefs to accept themselves for who they are and then go for the dreams written in their heart! If they don’t have dreams, we start tackling that too!  

We take down the good shell and we create a great life.  Full of work, wins, and failures.  And they will love it.  Because they are no longer trapped into not being bad.

They are invited to be great.