I remember telling my former principal in an interview that the most important thing I could teach a student is to always do the right thing.
Seemed like such a virtuous, solid answer. Boom. Hire me. He did.
The problem with that, though, is a lot of different people believe they know what the “right” thing is and all of those people don’t often agree.
For a student, their best friend might say one thing is right, their parent might say another, and their teacher can have a third opinion. It’s not always black and white. In fact, most of the time, it isn’t.
But let’s take it personal. As a recovering perfectionist myself, I have actually made this belief – that I have to always do the right thing – a prison.
It has kept me from taking action because if I didn’t know for sure it was the “right” thing, I wouldn’t do anything at all. I stayed miserable in a job for years because I didn’t know what the “right” next job for me was.
It’s also kept me from trusting my own decisions because I wanted validation from others that I was “right”. (How do other people know what is right for me?!)
And what I’ve discovered lately is that this belief isn’t serving me to help me feel and be the kind of woman I want to be.
If I have the belief ‘I have to always do the right thing’ then I will always be thinking ‘I am right’. This shows up as righteousness and arrogance. Ugh.
If I’m not thinking ‘I am right’, then I most likely am thinking ’I’m doing this all wrong’ which creates the feeling of inadequacy or not enough. I feel like a total failure and before I know it, I’m actually failing at whatever I’m trying.
Oh – and this is when we all love to mean girl ourselves. We beat ourselves up over doing the wrong thing. Or maybe even being the wrong person. (Whoah – did I strike a nerve with anyone else?)
This belief – as virtuous and solid as it might sound – keeps me stuck. It keeps me frozen. Or in a self-sabotaging prison. It might be doing the same for you.
This is what’s called a limiting belief. Something that you believe deeply after years and years of thinking and believing it, and it subconsciously influences your every day thinking. It also holds you back from something in your life.
This is the kind of limiting belief you can reprogram with the right tools and the right coach (ahem – that’s me).
For me, when I became aware of how often I thought ‘I’m doing this all wrong’ and how it was producing the results I didn’t want in my life, I wanted to change it.
So now I practice “Nothing has gone wrong.”
This thought is a game changer. It’s like the saying “You’re either winning or learning.”
It helps me see each situation as a chance to learn and not a chance to tell myself I’m a total failure. It’s a way for me to show compassion and self-love, which then really helps me offer that same compassion and love to others.
How can you give others what you don’t practice yourself?
Try it on. Nothing has gone wrong. Feels good, doesn’t it?
If any of this resonated with you, and you want to know more about reprogramming your limiting beliefs, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and let’s set up a time to talk.
You don’t have to hold yourself back or beat yourself up anymore. You CAN reprogram those beliefs.