How To Tell Someone They Smell (When You’re a Nice Girl)

*This is an actual problem a client had.  No judgement! 

This is a legit problem to have, friends.  Either you are the one who smells or someone you know smells.  

Perhaps they don’t use deodorant for skin care purposes.  Perhaps they use one that isn’t strong enough to mask the bacteria.  Or perhaps they don’t care.  No matter what, they smell.  

So what’s a nice girl like you to do?  

You don’t like making people feel awkward or unliked.  You don’t want to hurt her feelings, right?  

So you either keep suffering around said smelly person, or you strap on your big girl boots and you…say something.  

How Do You Say Something?

First, you need to recognize that every person is responsible for their own emotions.  You are never in charge of someone else’s happiness, sadness, embarrassment, anger, etc.  

Second,  recognize you’re only responsible for your thoughts, emotions, and actions.  That’s all you get to control.  

Next, ask yourself what is the result you are wanting?  Obviously it is for her to not smell, but dig a little deeper. 

Is it to preserve the relationship?  Is it to protect her and let her know that her smell is being talked about?  Is it to help yourself so you can breathe around this person?

Once you know the outcome you want for yourself and for her, then decide what would you need to say (and not say) in order to get that result.  

How do you want to feel when you say it?  Loving, judgey, helpful, curious?  

Then ask yourself what thought would help me feel that way as I start the conversation?

And then practice that.  Practice thinking that thought, feeling that feeling, and saying what you would say to them.

When you say it, remember that if she is an adult, she gets to choose if she wants to listen. She gets to choose if she receives it with appreciation or anger or embarrassment. She gets to choose her feelings and her actions. Your part is done.

This might seem like a long process the first few times – or the first few 100 times – but it’s how you learn to not to take responsibility for someone else’s feelings, and still communicate with both freedom & love.

So go ahead…tell her she smells. You can do it.  

Still need help? You’ve been engrained in being a nice girl for SO.MANY.YEARS? That’s the work we do in your coaching journey. What if you could learn these processes and lose the old thinking, doubt, and worry? What if it really was about your brain and not about you as a person or anyone else? What if you could do it in 12 weeks?

This month I’m offering a 12 week program where we dig into this and make it happen. You will finally be able to communicate with confidence, say no, be able to turn people down and still maintain being a “nice” woman. If you buy in October, you’ll also get your free bonus access to my New Years Workshop: Making It Happen in 2020.

It’s Breaking The Nice Girl Rules: How To Get a Life You Want Without Becoming a Woman You Hate.

Email me – and let’s get to work.  

If You Think There Is A Right Way, You Might Be Wrong

I remember telling my former principal in an interview that the most important thing I could teach a student is to always do the right thing.  

Seemed like such a virtuous, solid answer.  Boom.  Hire me.  He did.  

The problem with that, though, is a lot of different people believe they know what the “right” thing is and all of those people don’t often agree.  

For a student, their best friend might say one thing is right, their parent might say another, and their teacher can have a third opinion.  It’s not always black and white.  In fact, most of the time, it isn’t.  

But let’s take it personal. As a recovering perfectionist myself, I have actually made this belief – that I have to always do the right thing – a prison.  

It has kept me from taking action because if I didn’t know for sure it was the “right” thing, I wouldn’t do anything at all. I stayed miserable in a job for years because I didn’t know what the “right” next job for me was.

It’s also kept me from trusting my own decisions because I wanted validation from others that I was “right”.  (How do other people know what is right for me?!)

And what I’ve discovered lately is that this belief isn’t serving me to help me feel and be the kind of woman I want to be.  

If I have the belief ‘I have to always do the right thing’ then I will always be thinking ‘I am right’.  This shows up as righteousness and arrogance.  Ugh.

If I’m not thinking ‘I am right’, then I most likely am thinking ’I’m doing this all wrong’ which creates the feeling of inadequacy or not enough.  I feel like a total failure and before I know it, I’m actually failing at whatever I’m trying.  

Oh – and this is when we all love to mean girl ourselves. We beat ourselves up over doing the wrong thing. Or maybe even being the wrong person. (Whoah – did I strike a nerve with anyone else?)

This belief – as virtuous and solid as it might sound –  keeps me stuck.  It keeps me frozen.  Or in a self-sabotaging prison.  It might be doing the same for you.

This is what’s called a limiting belief.  Something that you believe deeply after years and years of thinking and believing it, and it subconsciously influences your every day thinking.  It also holds you back from something in your life.  

This is the kind of limiting belief you can reprogram with the right tools and the right coach (ahem – that’s me).  

For me, when I became aware of how often I thought ‘I’m doing this all wrong’ and how it was producing the results I didn’t want in my life, I wanted to change it.  

So now I practice “Nothing has gone wrong.” 

This thought is a game changer.  It’s like the saying “You’re either winning or learning.” 

It helps me see each situation as a chance to learn and not a chance to tell myself I’m a total failure. It’s a way for me to show compassion and self-love, which then really helps me offer that same compassion and love to others.  

How can you give others what you don’t practice yourself?

Try it on.  Nothing has gone wrong.  Feels good, doesn’t it?  

If any of this resonated with you, and you want to know more about reprogramming your limiting beliefs, email me at and let’s set up a time to talk.

You don’t have to hold yourself back or beat yourself up anymore. You CAN reprogram those beliefs.