What is the ONE thing to focus on when you’re single & dating?

The 13 year-old girls I used to teach always told stories about the boys they were “dating”.  Dating?  Really?  I’m pretty sure it’ll be a few years before you know if “he’s the one”.  

And then you get to the college.

You’re both poor and eating Ramen, and still figuring out what you want “to do with your life”.  Or you’re so focused on your career, you don’t want to be distracted by dating.  ‘Cuz who’s got time for that?

Move on to your 20s, post-college time. For many women, you hope to marry in the next decade.  Surely you can meet a husband by then.  It’s not really asking a lot.  You graduated.  You have a somewhat steady job.  It is time for a man, sweet Jesus!

And then some women move into their 30s, and the pool of men gets smaller.  It’s like you moved from the neighborhood pool to the neighborhood baby pool. Except now you share the baby pool with your friends who married and are actually having babies.

What is happening, God?!  Do you know that I long for a husband and family?  Are you aware that you made a time limit on when I can have babies?!

I know each of these stages because I lived each one of them.

I met my husband at 36 and married when I was 37.  I know the lonely nights.  I know the awkward times at weddings without a date.  I know the set ups.  I know the internet dating sites.  I know what it’s like to complete the employee form or health insurance form and check the single box.  To list my old roommate as my local emergency contact.  And then start crying as soon as I get in the car.

Can you relate?  Were any of those feelings ones that left your heart aching?  Except maybe worse?

You know you can find someone to pass the time with.  You can find someone to kiss at midnight on New Year’s Eve and someone to text when you’re lonely on a Saturday night. 

You can find a date to keep you busy and distract you from the loneliness.

But is that enough for you?  Is that what you really want?  Is that what you are worthy of?  Or do you want to find your forever love?  Your forever man.

I don’t know you, but I am positive you want a forever love.  You want to marry the love of your life and then pursue life passionately together.  Passing time isn’t enough.

Don’t trade the shallow gratification of now for the deeper connection of forever.

You are worthy of more.  You want a man who knows your worth and is willing to go to great lengths to have your love.

Since I had the challenge and gift of being single until I was 37, many people ask me how I met my husband – especially because he is SO incredibly handsome, successful, and Godly.  Truly, I got a 10. 

Looking back, I followed 5 steps.  It was a process I did because it worked. 

It’s the same process I used to switch careers.  It’s the same process I used to lose weight.  To get out of debt.  And to start a coaching business that in 4 months was already more than what I was making as a part-time teacher.   

I teach my clients the 5 step process.  But here is the most important one.  

  • Discover your Love Blueprint.  
  • Rewrite your Love Blueprint.  

That seems like two, doesn’t it?  It’s really the same.  Once you discover it, almost simultaneously, you want to start reprogramming it.  

Here’s why it’s the MOST important step….

Your love blueprint is the plan.   It’s the set of patterns and beliefs you have that keep popping up in your dating life.  If you don’t discover it, and then rewrite it, no matter WHO you meet…or even marry…that crappy blueprint will show back up.  

It’s the plan your brain is following.  Without you even knowing it.  

(If you want to discover your love blueprint, I created a guide for you.  I also  created a guide to reprogram your love blueprint.  Just go to this page, and it’s yours FREE!)

Some of you are thinking – is that it?  I know.  I’m a type A kinda gal who would much rather have this list.

  1. Workout three times a week
  2. Text back only after initially texted to
  3. Don’t drink more than one glass of wine on the date
  4. Find out his favorite meal and cook it
  5. Smile non-stop the first three dates

That’s better, right?  You have much more control of these, and these are, by far, way easier to do.  These are all, actually, good suggestions.  Most men want a healthy, happy good cook who is confident and not a drunk.

This list, though, are the outcomes of my five step process.   And so is loving yourself,  loving your life, and falling in love.  

BUT.   I’m here to testify that this ONE thing is worth your time because it translates not just to a forever man, but to an amazing forever woman. And an amazing forever MARRIAGE.  

Let me reassure you – once I started focusing on this one thing, I became an even better woman. (You can get the guide here.)

And that’s when I found my forever man.  Praise sweet baby Jesus.

*This originally was written and posted in 2017 on my old blog. I’ve since revised it.

Two Things To Do When It Feels Like You Don’t Belong

Dear Santa – please help me belong.  

How many of you have thought similarly to this 9 year old little girl?  

What’s funny, is that there is always some reason in our head that seems SO TRUE to justify why we don’t belong.

Like I would swear in the court of law that I don’t belong because I’m a half-Hispanic, half-white who looks Asian, non-Spanish speaking step-mom with no kids of her own.  Seems totally legit to me. 

Other reasons that SEEM SO legit.  

You don’t have a boyfriend.  

You’re not married.  

You don’t have kids.  

You don’t have the same job as everyone else in your circle.  

You’re the top leader in your organization.  

You aren’t from the South.  You look different from the others.  

You like yoga.  

I know.  Some of these have been/are my reasons.  But they could be yours too.

Whether it IS true or not, our heads are thinking some thought that’s telling our hearts to feel rejected or alone or odd.  

The thoughts are the reasons that seem so legit.  

The fact that you don’t have a boyfriend does NOT automatically mean you don’t belong, contrary to what your brain believes. 

You “belong” in the singles box to check at the doctor’s office. That’s all.

Your HEAD is making it mean that you don’t belong in life.  That it means you are unloveable, a failure, a reject.

There are two things to really help your brain start overcoming this battle in your mind.  

First. What if you just notice how the feeling of unloved, rejected, or disliked feels?  It’s not going to hurt you.  It’s not going to kill you.  But you have to feel it to know that.  

Second. After you meet it head on, step back and make a list (or T-chart since I used to be a teacher) of fact vs. thoughts. 

Not married.  – Fact (provable in court – no human could win against you)

I don’t belong. – Thought

Not born in the South – Fact (provable in court; no human could win against you)

I’m not like anyone from here. – Thought

It comes down to really what your 3rd grade teacher taught you, ha, ha.  Look at Fact vs. Opinion (Thoughts).  

These two steps alone start exposing your brain to the lies it believes.  First lie – that you’ll die if you feel rejection or alone. Second lie – all the thoughts that are convincing you what isn’t true.  

And then you keep the battle of the mind going with giving it new things to believe about those facts.  

This is the work I do with my clients.  This is the work I’d do with you.  Email me anytime.  nataliewilsoncoaching@gmail.com

You do belong, but I’m not the one who can convince you. Only you can.