Fighting The Fear

A previous client of mine wrote this to me today and it was so good, I had to share…

‘Whoa!!!!! I’m fighting the fear today. All the reasons why it won’t work are sitting at the bottom of my stomach!! I woke up so nervous that I don’t know what I’m doing!

What a trip to listen to you and Brooke tell me I was going to fight this and not want to “leave the cave” “make excuses because I think it may harm me.” Thank goodness I was warned about all of these feelings!

It’s so helpful knowing it’s normal and that even though I’m feeling all that nothing is more damaging than not doing it!! I haven’t quite turned off the voices shaming me yet, but I’m determined to not let them stop me. Thinking of you and your brave leap…’

Pretty freaking awesome, right? On so many levels! She is GOING for a dream of hers. She is fighting the fear AND she knows this is totally normal. It does not mean retreat and run for the hills.

My favorite part is when she says “I’m determined to not let them stop me.” Boom.

What if you believed that? With whatever it is that is your goal. Weight, finances, career, relationship dreams. I am determined to not let them stop me.

Fight the fear.

Living The Dream-It IS POSSIBLE

Anyone else have adult meltdowns?  No, me neither.

 
In 2012, at the age of 34, I bought my first townhome.  I had to borrow $5,000 from my parents and took out a teacher loan to afford the down payment.    

When I sat down to sign the 800 documents, I saw a much larger amount than I expected as my monthly mortgage payment.  How was I going to pay for that on my teacher salary?

 
The tears sprang up and started spilling down my cheek.  The lawyer and my realtor (both male and single) had NO idea what to do.  The tears just flowed as they passed me a tissue box.  Bahahaha!  Bless. 


Thankfully about 5 minutes later one of my greatest friends showed up to support me with a bottle of champagne and a smile.  She had bought her first condo as a result of a divorce and knew exactly what I was going through.  


How had my life ended up here?  How was I 34 and single and almost no money and hating my job and having a meltdown in front of two male lawyers?  


That’s a long story, so I’ll skip to the ending.  


I found a book by a life coach that changed my life.  Then I took massive action and did the work and prayed and meditated on verses and things that created joy in my life.  


Then I finally got the memo that I was worth a 10 (we all are) so I needed to find a 10 husband.  Enter Darin.  Then I decided I wanted to pursue coaching teachers. Got that. Then pursue helping kids with their emotional and mental health.  Did that.  


Sold two homes in between (one of which paid for my wedding).


Now, 7 years later, I just turned in my resignation at the school that I LOVE and a job that I LOVED to pursue a calling that I LOVE. 


Life Coaching.  Because life coaching is what started this whole thing and the coaching that Brooke Castillo teaches lit my life and my husband’s life on fire.  


I took the leap, but knowing that I have my own back.  It’s scary and exciting and all the things.  My brain has argued and doubted and celebrated and committed.  


I am living my dream come true of being a full-time life coach where I get to impact lives in a whole new way.  


What I want you to know is that it is ALL POSSIBLE.  Nothing you can imagine is impossible.  
Weight loss.  Better relationships.  A job you love.  The finances you want.  Confidence.  


It is ALL POSSIBLE.  You just have to commit to doing the work.  It’s not an overnight solution, but you didn’t get to where you are overnight either. 


It is ALL POSSIBLE.  

Going All In – Chunking Your Life

When I started planning my wedding, I had no wedding planner, a mom who knew nothing about planning weddings, and no time.  I had just started a new job shortly before I got engaged to add fuel to the fire.  

Then we decided to sell my town home so I could have money to pay for the wedding.  So now I was planning a wedding, learning my new position, selling a home, and looking for a new one.  

If you’ve ever done any of these, you know they all take time and massive action.  Oh, and we were for sale by owner.  We were taking lots and lots of action.

How did I do it all almost by myself without having a nervous breakdown or failing everyone involved?  I learned to chunk my to-do list, and I became a master of my schedule.  

I didn’t just say I had no time or I was overwhelmed or it wasn’t fair.  I mean all of this was great stuff happening. 

It was easier to stay in the positive frame of mind, for sure.  But that didn’t make the work go away.  

Chunking was my plan.  For everything.  Selling my home by mid October when I got engaged Labor Day?  I spent every weekend for four weeks in a row going through each room in my house, clearing out the mess, cleaning, and staging.

Once it was sold (first day on the market for full asking price), I spent the next three and half weeks (he was paying cash), packing systematically doing the same process.  Each room had boxes, Sharpies, packing tape & paper, and all boxed and ready for when the movers came.  

Some of you might think well it’s easy when it’s selling a house and planning a wedding, but I want you to think about that. 

How many brides become Bridezillas because they are stressed and overwhelmed?  How many people never move because they don’t want to go through the process no matter how much they could make?  It’s just “too much trouble”.  

These tasks can seem overwhelming if you think they are overwhelming. When you think it’s all doable, your brain comes up with a way to do it all. It’s the way your brain works.

Chunking is a fabulous strategy to use when going all in.  It makes it seem doable.  Because it is doable.  You chunk it and then you do the small chunks.  

And if all of that doesn’t convince you to try chunking, think about the saying.  You know the one.  How do you eat an elephant?  One bite at a time.  

I actually don’t understand how this became a thing since no one I know eats elephant, thank the Lawd.  But I do know it’s a thing.  So think about it.  One bite at a time. 🙂

How To Go All In – A Strategy

How is it possible to go all in when you want to, but you also really don’t want to? 

Like, you want to go all in with your workout routine, but you’re not.  You keep skipping the gym and hanging out with your dogs instead.  

Or you want to go all in with organizing your house, but you’re not.  You keep scrolling through Facebook and watching Marie Kondo on Netflix.  (Which is at least on the subject of organizing)

For teens, it could be getting straight A’s or getting on the dance team or getting extra money to buy more Pops or Adidas shoes that they otherwise would not be allowed to buy.  

Whatever it is, let’s go all in.  This is how.

Step 1 – Be specific

Like real specific.  I’m working out 5 times every week for this month.  I’m cleaning out the kitchen pantry by Friday.  I’m getting an A on all tests this quarter.  I’m making $100 this week to buy my Abraham Lincoln Pop. 

Write it down. 

Step 2 – Write down your excuses

Write down ALL of your excuses and doubts that are going to come up and then what you’ll need to tell your brain.  You’re the boss of your brain.  So I need for you to act like a boss. 

Example: I’m going to be tired from not sleeping because of our broken A/C so I may skip working out those days it’s broken (excuse).  No, you are going to the freaking gym.  I will have more energy during the day and be able to sleep better that night (Brain Boss talking)

Other excuses: I don’t have time; I am so tired; the kids need me to stay home; my husband won’t feel loved; I need to do more at home (and less for me).

Step 3 – Don’t judge your excuses.

Seriously.  Don’t do it.  Just be like ‘oh, that’s my self-doubt.  That’s my excuse to get out of it.  It’s kinda like my teen who is telling me she has a sore throat when in reality she has a math test.’  See?  It’s just doing it’s job.  Be like ‘good job, brain’. 

And then do what you committed to doing anyway.   

Step 4 – Reflect on your mind AND your action.  

Ask yourself what worked, what didn’t work, what would I do differently at the end of each day with both your thought work AND your actions.  Your mind is the gas fueling your actions so you need to take a look at that too.  You don’t want to be ignoring the fact that you’re putting some cheap stuff into the actions and that’s what is really causing the poor results, right?  No.  Once you know it’s the cheap gas from the unmarked gas station down the street that has shady characters hanging around all the time causing your car to leap forward in the middle of traffic for no apparent reason, you’re going to look for the next fancy BP to fill your car up with.  Same with your mind.  Reflect on your mind and actions.  

And that is it, friends.  Actually DO this work. When I say ‘write’, I mean write. it. out.  What we want to do is just do it in our minds and count it like we did it.  I know this because I do this ALL the time.  But this is like building a muscle. Your mental muscle of going all in.  So in order to build it up, you must exercise it.  

This is your work. The how. 

Go all in.  

For The Kids Who Want A’s & Hate School

I have a client who doesn’t like school.  Oh, wait.  I have many clients who don’t like school.  

This client (meaning most of my clients) has good grades, studies ok, and wants to have straight As.  Her goal for next year is to have the highest A possible in all classes.

She also thinks school is a waste of time, a necessity, and boring.  

Do you see the problem?  I know you hear it at home, but do you see it?  

She wants one thing, but the very thing she wants, she doesn’t like.  

No wonder we all decide that tweens and teens are extreme and confusing!  

I mean, we adults, are NEVER like that.  

We don’t want to lose weight, but also hate the gym.  

We don’t want to be happy at our jobs, but talk about how bad our boss is.  

We don’t want to be on time, and then say that being late is “just who we are”.

Nope.  I’ve never said those things.  (You know I’m kidding, right?)

As much as we’d like to only see what our kids are going through as just being drama, it’s also what we struggle with. 

Why?  It’s our human brain.  

It’s cognitive dissonance – when one’s ideas, beliefs, behaviors are contradictory.  

Your kids are just beginning to really learn what it is and what to do when it happens.  

Cognitive dissonance is a great opportunity for growth as long as you are bringing attention to it to your mind.  

Once your brain becomes aware of it, it has a much better chance of reconciling the two.  

Awareness is the first step.  

And I’ll be talking next steps for this in my Back To School meeting for parents of tweens & teens on the 23rd.  More details to come!